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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL who seems to think money grows on "Christmas" trees this year!!

34 replies

fordywastaylor · 01/12/2008 07:49

I don't know if IABU on this one, but everyone knows money is tight this year, we only have one income, and moved house in May this year. We budgeted to do some building works on our new house, which begin at the end of this week. All of these things we are using our own savings to do and are more than happy with that arrangement. DH spoke to his sister on Sat night and asked what her and her kids wanted this year. He got a list!!! 2 Build a bears (prob about 25-30£ a pop) perfume for her (no mention of what her suffering DH might want) Whereas I have 2 sisters and have previously said in conversation that I am spending very little on them this year (thought that counts!) AIBU that I think SIL is being thoughtless, and not trying to be appreciative of what gifts he family will get this year. Oh god I feel bad that I am typing this now!

OP posts:
Original poster
fordywastaylor · 01/12/2008 09:48

I am not sure I said I was skint, just that we had financial commitments, maybe I didn't make myself clear. But they are OUR commitments, and that is our choice...isn't it? To me it goes right back to the beginning here....if I was asked what I wanted as a pressie, and I knew that money would be tight with that person (not that they were skint) I would pare down the ask....that's all. Yep she does have a bazooka in her house Yep hubby can get the gift, or go online as far as I am concerned....I will still stick to my guns and buy small meaningful gifts for my family, who really appreciate the thought rather than monetry value. BIL is a fab guy, never said he wasn't...I am thinking of taking up smoking (joke) so I can join him outside for a fag when SIL pipes up...ha ha You know I wish I did have more backbone, I have never been one to say exactly what I felt at the time, you know how it is you get home and wished you had said this or that. This is something I have said to myself for ages, I need to toughen up. Always give myself a hard time...etc etc

OP posts:
WaynettaSlob · 01/12/2008 10:15

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but you are assuming that your SIL knows that cash will be tight for you this year. It is entirely possible that she is working on the basis of the gifts she received last year, and hasn't thought of the house move and building work etc. In her defence she was asked a question and came back with some very good answers.
And to be fair, if you don't trust your DH to do the job properly, why don't you just do it yourself?

rolledhedgehog · 01/12/2008 10:55

What about this toy....www.thetoyshop.com/Toys/StarBuys/Girls/PRDOVR~275628/Lil+Luvables+Fluffy+Factory.jsp

On sale and they can make their own bears at home. I have bought one this xmas.

Bought a Build a Bear 2 years ago with an outfit and it was £30 so can't see it being cheaper now.

Original poster
fordywastaylor · 01/12/2008 11:19

I think if I had been her, I would of given us alternatives??? Here is the dearer option, or alternatively this would be just as nice...perhaps??? Or maybe just tearing out the page of the Argos catalogue that she did last year Reading back, and mulling over all the advice - census of opinion is Yes IAMB

OP posts:
FioFio · 01/12/2008 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fircone · 01/12/2008 12:46

I really hate it that Christmas causes so much stress regarding presents.

Dh has two very spoilt nieces. It's not really their fault, but they are materially completely saturated.

BIL phones up dh last week and says that could we agree to spend £50 - YES THAT WAS FIFTY POUNDS - on EACH girl as there isn't anything they'd like which would cost less than that.

Dh is rather spineless in that sort of situation and said that it sounded rather steep, but in the end agreed.

So now I'm grinding my teeth and arguing with dh as I absolutely REFUSE to buy a present for that much. It's lunacy when they probably won't like the gift anyway.

hatwoman · 01/12/2008 13:02

another point is that she might well be aware of your commitments - ie she knows (obviously) that you;ve just moved house and have building works planned but there are two ways of reading that - you can infer that this means money is ok, or that it's tight...

I can however see your frustration re inequalities between your side of the family and dh's. I have this too but on a much bigger scale (ie "loans" not presents). we seem to operate as (bottomless) bank of gullible idiots as far as some are concerned and it galls me that dh's family just come out and ask...and therefore get. whereas my family wouldn't dream of asking.However in part it's down to different upbringing, different family dynamics - and I think that might be what's gone on here. regardless of her suggestions spend the same on sil as you do on your sisters and don't stress about it.(and get your sisters something lovely and personal...even if not expensive!)

HSMM · 01/12/2008 13:19

My family have all agreed to only buy for children for the last couple of years. My daughter does provide a list, but it has a wide variety on it - from a yorkie bar all the way up to a nintendo DS (!), so hopefully there's something for everyone on it.

piscesmoon · 01/12/2008 14:03

In the case of your nieces, fircone, I would have said that as they didn't want anything under £50 I would buy them a book each instead.

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