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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL dilemma- need help mumsnetters!

12 replies

kelsuprise · 30/11/2008 22:40

I have a HUGE prob with my MIL. This is a long story so I'll try to keep to the point! Firstly, all through my preg (DD is nearly 2 now) my MIL was a negative one. She said that she hoped we wouldn't have a girl and just interfered all the time. She constantly told me bad sad stories (when youre v hormonal that's not too pleasant!) and ignored our requests to not be badgered around due date by phoning round all the hospitals when she couldn't get hold of son one day! Anyway, she completely ruined our first xmas (DD was only 2 weeks old) by storming out on xmas eve and saying she was being ignored!! Things came to a head in Aug when she had a rant and told me that I was selfish for rushing to Spain to be with my best friend when her 22 month old daughter suddenly died. I apparently abandoned our daughter (I in fact left her with her daddy, and they both had a great time). I blew up at her and don't want her in my or my daughters lives. My OH feels very guilty about standing up for me and so always takes her side. I'm at my wits end now- what should I do, this is driving a wedge between me and my partner

OP posts:

theramones · 30/11/2008 22:46

While I see your point of view, I think you are very extreme to not want her in your daughter's life.

quint · 30/11/2008 22:49

The woman is mad and you need to calmly and rationaly explain to your OH that you and your DD need to come first.

I would try and keep a relationship going between you all, I wouldn't cut her out yet, but be more assertive with her

MinkyBorage · 30/11/2008 22:53

what quint says, then when she continues to be a total psycho, cut her out of your life!
for your friend!

SantasNuttySTaff · 30/11/2008 22:56

Could you possibly sit down you, dh & PIL/ MIL and thrash out what exactly is her problem with you and try to come to some sort of compromise? explain how you currently feel (i.e dont want her around you and dd) and why (try to do this calmly if poss)

obviously this would be kill or cure, but then you and your dh would know how things stand......

peacelily · 30/11/2008 22:59

I totally empathise, I do not like, get on with or have anything in common with my MiL and I'm the sort of person who usually gets on with odd characters who other people ignore IYSWIM!

her whole value/moral set and personality style is alien to me and abhorrent. Me and dh have nearly split up over her, her intrusiveness and dependence on us and our lives drives me to the point of insanity.

YANBU!!!!!

Tortington · 30/11/2008 23:01

in this situation if dp wanted mil to see dd, he would take her, i would have no contact.

put the ball in his court. would not wory for one second about self creating dramas around people like that.

Original poster

kelsuprise · 30/11/2008 23:22

Thankyou so much for brill words of wisdom! Added complication is that OH has invited her for xmas! She is staying in a hotel, but obviuosly I will have to see her! I am fuming, as I think she is so evil for bringing up BF's DD death (evil may be a weird thing to say- but she knows how close I am to BF and how BF's DD was so close to me. So what kind of person would say that?) OH is very weak. He said that he cannot abandon her as he is all she has (only child and she is divorced). Hence the Xmas day thing- but I feel like I am crumbling inside over this

OP posts:

Tortington · 30/11/2008 23:32

if you can afford it i would reallllllly try to book a xmas meal out. hen get your dp to take dd and her on a nice walk or stay in her hotel lobby for a chat.

whilst you go home.

Gillyan · 30/11/2008 23:35

OMG what a situation, your MIL sounds like a total bitch to be honest - don't know what to suggest but you sound well within your rights to be so angry. I guess you only try to make you DH undersatnd, good luck

debzmb62 · 30/11/2008 23:53

tbh myself i would complety stay away from mil but after i told her how i feel and why can,t fathers look after there own children i don,t think you abandoned you dd i think you were actually being a good reliyable freind tbh and they are few and fare between mil who needs them realy !! so sad for you freind you are a good freind to have !!

MenaMilou · 01/12/2008 00:13

She sounds awful. Dont have any useful advice really, but you probably can't really cut her out of your dd's life.

SmileyMylee · 01/12/2008 21:01

You OH needs to support you more in this. Being an only child and being all she has is not a good enough excuse to allow her to treat you like this.

I would distance myself from her as far as possible and be polite when she is around. If she starts to upset you, I suggest you just say calmly that you need a bit of time on your own and go and sit in another room until you've calmed down.

She sounds identical to my MIL (now deceased). However I had my husbands support. We banished her from our lives for about 3 months when I was pregnant as I was getting all the horror stories and it was making me ill. Once we stood up to her, things did improve, but she needed a few reminders.

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