to expect my DP/birth partner not to drink 4 cans a night...

[StillRunningTheWorld]

... when I am 35+5? And if IABU, when is it reasonable to ask him to cut down in case we need to drive to the hospital? Because, at this moment in time, I'm not feeling very secure about relying on somebody who doesn't seem to realise that this baby could actually arrive one day in the near future.

Somebody?

35+5 does still seem quite early, so if something did occur them it might be a ambulance case anyway?

I dunno really. My DD arrived 2 weeks early but my DH is no big drinker anyway...

Maybe ask for a deadline for when he's going to stop?

I think at 35 weeks I wouldn't worry too much, perhaps ask him to stop when you get to full term ... 37 weeks?

Have a taxi fund just in case you go early?

I feel for you though, I would want my DH to stop too.

Yanbu, a glass of frozen cold water would be what I'd prescribe, on his head that is... it certainly sounds like he needs to wake up.

I suppose it is not only for him to drive you to hospital you need him to "sober up" but to take all the responsabilities of a dad? Right?

35+5 is still fairly early, but anything from 37 weeks is considered full term. Is this a first baby? Does he realise that babies don't necessarily arrive neatly on their due date? Bit of a chat is in order, he prob doesn't realise that you are getting the jitters.

My DH happily agreed to give up the booze when i was 36 weeks, that's reasonable I would say. I don't think a DP could have any issue with this as you will have given up booze for the 8 months previously

Well sooner or later he is going to have to address the fact that he may have to be sober enough to drive you to hospital.

I'd be tempted to tell him a story about someone you know through antenatal classes (or whatever) whose waters broke at 36.5 weeks and baby was born in hospital 5 hours later. Happened to my good friend, although is far more likely to go over your EDD.

Maybe it is because I do not drink at all that it seems a lot to me, but 4 cans every evening seems a lot even if you were not pregnant, but as I said I might be totally out of order here.

Sorry if this isn't the case but are you worried about his drinking in general? Especially when you have a baby?

I'm not sure, Enchanted. I used to drink with him before I got pregnant. Then when we were TTC he said he'd stop if I got pregnant. Never happened.

Fri we were out for dinner, he was driving and he ordered a third pint of beer. I asked if I was driving home - surely 3 pints is over the limit? But I didn't have my specs so couldn't. He left half the pint but picked up a bottle of red on the way home. Had one glass when we got in.

Last night, one glass of red and 3 glasses of white.

I have said I need him to be sober enough to drive me if anything happens. He swears he is cutting down gradually, and Mon, Tues, Wed he'd not drinking at all. But the baby doesn't know to only arrive mid-week!

at 35+5 YABU , having said that if he is drinking 4 cans a night every single night, taht is a seperate issue. and one that you and he should be addressing, when the baby comes, it is not good him being half cut every night.

as a doula, I am on call from 38 - 42 weeks, and don;t drink or have a half glass of something, that way, if i get a call, by the time i am sorted, kids sorted, etc etc I am fit to drive. as the birth gets closer, i don;t drink at all. birth can be unpredictable, so he needs to be sober, or you have a back up plan. e.g friend, family member, taxi driver to take you

TBH, it sounds as though he is developing a problem with alchohol and driving after 3 pints is bad news.

Just goggled "doula" I did not know about them, really great though, is it voluntary ?

To the Op, sorry, it seems to be my hyjack night. BTW, all the best for in well, almost any day now!

I really feel for you, I felt exactly the same way as you this time last year. Your DH should not be drinking this much, for your sake and the baby's. Not to say his own health. Are there any other issues between you? Not giving up drinking when you are so uncomfortable shows a lack of respect for you.
37 weeks seems a reasonable deadline, as it is full term. I would (did) really go for this one; I got his mum on side, told HV and MW that I was concerned and got them to visit when he was there, went to relate.
Having said all that he improved massively when dd was born, he found it very hard to really see that we WERE going to have a baby.

You are being unreasonable at 35+5. I think a reaosnable date to expect him to be sober enoughto drive (and support you in labour) is 37 weeks.

I asked this of my dh the first time and was amazed when he thought I was being precious and also that most of my friends from antenatal class who I thought would agree with me were totally happy with tgheir dh's going out and getting pissed even beyond their due date!

I would chat to him about 37 weeks being term and that you really expect him to be driving sober from then on.

My first was 35+4 so it could happen any time.

If he is drinking more than 2 units a night then he has a problem and really ought to be doing something to get it sorted.

BTW none of my DC went to term.

4 cans of what? Heineken? Stella? Tennents or Spesh or White Cider?

And is it really every night? Does he ever take a night off and on what basis?

I was naughty I had 2 glasses of wine last year on the 18th September the third time for the whole pregnancy and went into labour lol now that was scary! I was 36 weeks pg at the time.

I would be grateful he is at home and not down the pub....then you would have to worry. At least this way he is with you and you can get a cab.

I told my dp he would have to stop drinking at 36 wks incase I went into labour. Lucky for him, I had the baby 3pm at 34 wks.

You are kinda close and it's good if you can get a taxi but just put it to him that you've had to stay off the drink for 9 months. A couple of weeks for him isn't much.

onthewarpathsome doulas are voluntary via schemes such as sure start, majority are paid..it is truly an amazing thing to do and it is so fulfilling