to punish DD for losing her nintendo DS? Genuine help and opinions wanted for a woman at the end of her tether

[hockeypuck]

I bought DD a nintendo DS for her 6th birthday in August and gave her a long talk about responsibility and not losing it, having a place in the house where she keeps it so that her brother can't break it etc.

DS has been missing since Monday. It was in the house on Monday morning and not here by the afternoon. She said (only after 5 days of searching high and low) that she took it in the car to Tesco with us on Monday. I don't think she did because I'm sure she asked and I said, no, leave it at home. Tescos do not have it, I have torn the house apart looking for it and have no more ideas where it is.

Am I being unreasonable in being furious about this? I have an incredibly busy time at the moment doing my masters with 2 young children and having a dying father. I'm fed up, shattered and frankly furoius that I'm having to spend time doing this when I literally have no time to call my own whatsoever. DH says I'm blaming her for my frustration by being so cross with her. I say that I'm cross because we've had long talks about taking responsibility and she ignored them.

I've bought on my mum's behaf 2 DS games for Christmas for her, but I'm still paying for the original DS so no chance of replacing it. I'll have to send back these games from my mum when they arrive from Amazon and Amazon are shit at taking returns. It's another thing I have to fit in.

What should I do?

1. Never let her have another DS?
2. Take away a privilege from her (like puding or story time)
3. Ignore it.

HELP!!!!

I agree with everyone who's said losing it is punishment enough.

I don't think its that sensible to buy a 6yo something valuable and portable - they lose things, they don't understand their true value.

WOW am glad I am not the child of any of you lol.

So far since August I have lost my passport, door keys, bank card, purse and psp have found bank card, purse and psp but not passport or door keys...mind you i am still unpacking from moving so who knows.

When ds1 lost his GBA I went and bought him a new one....accidents happen

I was terrible for losing things as a child. In fact, the only reason I am any good at it now is because my parents never replaced anything I lost and I had to do without. It took a while but I soon learned how to take care of my things.

Life sounds a bit pants for you at the moment. Any chance you could take some time out?

Agree that you have lost perspective on this. Understandable given all else you're dealing with. But it's a learning thing for you mainly; 6 yr olds IMO far too young for toys which are expensive/electronic/easy to lose. Stick with dolls for a few more years!

I would agree with everyone else.

be annoyed inside but that isn't going to find it- leave it for now.

Don't buy her a replacement - IF you find it I would have a set place where her DS should be unless she is playing with it.

my dd lost hers for about 2 weeks and it turned up under the car seat, have you had a really good look in the car

Agree don't replace it.

However look in the car again. DS lost his phone in the summer holidays. We all looked in the car a few times. Then one I day I left my phone in the car, decided to have another search for ds's and found it right at the bottom of the pocket behind the passenger seat.

don't get another and take the games back, especially if you can't really afford it. Ignore and focus on something else for Christmas. It may either turn up or you can have saved enough to buy another for her b'day, perhaps preowned.

I feel sad for both of you!

She's only 6 - she has no concept of worth or value or even how to look after things properly. She's only learning. She will make mistakes.

And you are going through a stressful time and just don't need this right now.

No more punishment. But no more DS til she's old enough to look after it OR... YOU choose to look after it.

you have shouted and been cross. thats the end of it

remember = she is 6

Agree with everyone that you are under a huge amount of strain re your father and you really mustn't underestimate how that will affect your emotions. BUT she is only six, too young to keep her stuff safe, or to understand monetary value. I think before a child is eight or ten then you should not buy them anything that a/you are not prepared to take responsibility for or b/you don't really mind if they break or lose.
I think you should say 'well, that's a shame. We'll all carry on looking very hard for it and I hope we'll find it in the end, but I can't afford to replace it". No other punishment necessary.

Mabanana, couldn't put it better. She has no idea what losing it means, just that she's sad that it's gone. And she's (I presume!) right that you shouldn't buy a 6 year old something that you don't mind that she loses.

And of course, six is very, very young. It's not her fault you are studying, or that her grandpa is dying, or that DSs are expensive. If you wouldn't be cross if she lost something you bought in a jumble sale, well, why so cross now? She can't treat this differently. She really didn't 'ignore' your talks about responsibility, she was just too young to be 'responsible' in this way.

Yes, I agree again. She didn't understand your talk with her and what it means in real terms. I'm quite sure she wanted to please you by holding on to it tightly in the car perhaps, but is not able to focus her mind on it at all times.

Do you have contents insurance. You could claim off that if you dont have an excess.

You are probably angrier than you otherwise would be because you are under a lot of strain. That's only human... so go a bit easy on your DD if you can. She probably feels terrible.

Don't replace it - but if it's within normal birthday present budget, let her get a new one for her birthday (or Christmas) as soon as her birthday comes up. A year is an age to a six year old, and she'll appreciate the fact that had she been more careful she would have been able to get something else for her birthday

LTJ, this thread is almost a year old!

Aarrgh why does that happen? How do people find these olds threads? I always get suckered into reading the whole thing!

Why the hell dop people drag up old threads? Havent they got newer threads to read???

dop do

I just read the whole thing. Where do people find these old threads?