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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

scared

19 replies

noahsmummy12 · 28/11/2008 20:44

i am seriously scared for what the future holds for my son, i had a pretty tough life growin up and i hav seen first hand sum of the terrible things that can happen to people. also watchin/readin the news etc. and seein all the bad stuff happenin in the world. i cant help but b scared for my son. and yet i'm told by my mum and partner that i'm bein a bit ridiculous thinkin like this. i guess i just really need to know that i'm not the only one who thinks like this

OP posts:

HRHSaintMamazon · 28/11/2008 20:47

of course your not. i think its part of your duty as a parent to worry about what the future holds for your children.
but instead of worrying about it, make steps to help limit the "bad things" that could happen.

work hard at his education. help him at home so that he has a better chance at a good job.

Work hard yourself to try and get yourself into a better area. and to show him that hard work and dedication is waht brings you what you want in life.

and a quick word of advice for mumsnet survival.....put the "G" back on the end of your words.

Chatkins · 28/11/2008 20:49

I feel like this sometimes, so you are not silly, but you've got to keep it in perspective. Whatever made your life tough growing up, of course you want your son to avoid this, and that makes you a great mum. Try not to worry about what you can't control, ie the rest of the world/society. As long as your son has a loving stable home, and is filled with confidence from an early age, you will have done a great job.

Thomcat · 28/11/2008 20:50

Of course the future is scary, but to be honest, personally, I live for today. Maybe that's foolish of me but I really don't think too far down the line, cos there seems little point. i can't change the huge things, I can just do my bit to make the here and now as good as possible. My DD has SN's and I'm often asked 'don't you worry about the future', no, because I what's the point. I can only do what I can do in the hear and now. I can prepare financially and give my kids a good education, make their lives happy to shape their future, but no I don't worry too much about the bigger picture.

nickytwotimes · 28/11/2008 20:54

Life is nasty and brutish.

It was ever thus.

You love your child and you know how hard life is, so of course you worry. However, by giving him a good start in life as you are, he will be strong enough to deal with life's difficulties.

You are totally normal - just try to keep things in perspective.

TheNewsMongersGeansaiNollag · 28/11/2008 20:59

No, that feeling hits me in a tidal wave occassionally, but I talk myself right back out of it.

I'm a single mum and my son has GDDs across the board and some autistic behaviours and a severe speech delay............

BUT then I think of Barack Obama, his mum was a single Mum.

I can only presume and expect that things work out well. if I expect the worst then I won't enjoy each day along the way.

So expect things to turn out well and if you have minor obstacles, deal with them one at a time.

I hope that doesn't sound too trite.

OptimistS · 28/11/2008 21:00

I agree with all the posts here. It's natural to be scared, and all you can do about it is try to limit the dangers and teach your DS how to cope with things. However, if you feel that you are being irrationally scared, to the point where it's keeping you awake at night regularly, etc., then it may be worth a chat with your doctor. Sometimes this can be a sign of depression or an anxiety disorder.

Original poster

noahsmummy12 · 28/11/2008 21:10

i do think too much, i hav been told this by alot of people. i cant help it though i have done this all my life. i am seeing a therapist, i have done since i was 13 and i'm now 22, and probably will do for many years to come to be able to deal with the problems i have. this in turn though makes me worry that i'm going to be the bad influence on him, i love my ds so much and would never let any harm come to him but i'm going to have to explain me being in therapy and the scars on my body (from self-harming when i was younger), what if he sees me as a bad person/influence, i would hate that

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 28/11/2008 21:12

noahsmummy, your little boy will be proud of his mum being strong enough to go through therapy and being able to stop destructive behavior.

You have no need to worry about not being good wnough.

TheSeriousOne · 28/11/2008 21:14

Love your son, Noahsmummy... Love yourself for being his mummy, love the times you have together (even the crap times when he is being a pain ). Do that and I think you are on the right road to being a very good mummy.

I have a reality check every time I walk down stairs with DS, Every time I pick him up, I adore him so much, It's natural that we care for our kids in this way.

As long as you can esplin to your DS that you overcame any problems for him, you will be the best mummy ever.

TheSeriousOne · 28/11/2008 21:15

EXPLAIN

Original poster

noahsmummy12 · 28/11/2008 21:18

how do i explain though? how do u tell ur own child that you need help to cope with life and that u used to seriously hurt urself because u couldn't stand living. i feel even worse now coz if i had succeeded in ending my life (which i nearly did a couple of times) i would never have what i have now. it makes me cry just thinking about it now.

OP posts:

TheSeriousOne · 28/11/2008 21:22

You don't need to explain it all now. And the fact that you have what you have now and don't feel like ending it all surely makes a positive thing: Having you, my child, made my life worthwhile.

I don't think any of us expect our parents to be perfect.

Please just enjoy this time. You sound happy to have kids. My DS is 6 months now. One day I will need to deal with him being independant and I will find it hard but for now, I am enjoying our time together.

be kind to your self. You sound like a lovely mummy.

mysterymoniker · 28/11/2008 21:22

why do you have to tell him about those things?

there are some things children don't need to know, thank goodness you didn't succeed in your attempts and you are here to experience with your son the thousands of joyful things this world has to offer

Original poster

noahsmummy12 · 28/11/2008 21:24

i am very much enjoying him, i never thought i would love like i love my ds. i will try not to worry to much and i will go through as much therapy as i need to be fully healthy for my little boy. i just hope i can b everything he needs in a mummy.

OP posts:

HeadFairy · 28/11/2008 21:28

YANBU at all, it's a scary world, but all we can do is our best to protect our children and love them with all our hearts. We are fortunate enough they (and we) have been born in to a relatively peaceful country, with clean water, enough food to go round, a welfare state, free healtcare and education for all. These are things that some people can only dream of. It's always important to look for the silver lining to every cloud.

There's nothing to explain to your son btw, you're helping yourself out of a very dark past instead of letting everyone else pick up the pieces and that's nothing short of brilliant. My mum was in therapy for years after an abusive childhood and terrible pnd after I was born and i have nothing but admiration for her as someone who's overcome really tough odds.

TheSeriousOne · 28/11/2008 21:30

You will be a great mummy, Noahsmummy12. Do relax and enjoy and deal with things as and when you need to.

Something will need to be explained, others won't. But, most of all,t he memories you are creating RIGHT NOW are what matters to your DS and to you.

Original poster

noahsmummy12 · 28/11/2008 21:37

thank u very much, for everyones advice and support. its good to know i'm not alone. i will always do my best for ds coz i love him so very much.

OP posts:

HeadFairy · 28/11/2008 21:42

And that's all you have to do

TheNewsMongersGeansaiNollag · 29/11/2008 11:14

Noah's Mummy, there's a new term for it "Analysis Paralysis"!!

You are very young still. IME, that tendency to over analyse every single little thing, and to play out every possible bleak scenario in your head does lessen significantly as you get older! It certainly has for me, if you'd told me ten years ago I'd be a single mother to two children one with SN, I wouldn't have wanted to go ON!!

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