To be annoyed

[WinkyWinkola]

when I discover, upon reading my and DH's amended wills, DH has added a clause that, in the event of our deaths, his parents should have access to our DCs for 50% of all school holidays. As in our DCs should stay with them. I was not aware of this change until I proofed my will.

My brother and his wife will become guardians of my DCs if DH and I die and I'm not going to tell them how to spend their holidays. Of course they'll make sure that my DCs see all their relatives as is reasonable, my brother being a kind, considerate person.

I'm really irritated because I wasn't consulted about this and so much time with one group of family would mean that they wouldn't get to see other members of the family so much.

I think it strikes me as extremely arrogant and presumptious. AIBU?

Its an expression of wish, rather than enforceable surely?

I was miffed when DH told the willmaker that if he died he didn't want the kids surnames to change if I remarried - he never even mentioned it to me!

No absolutely not unreasonable. In the event of his sole death full custody and parental rights are yours. They aren't possessions to be sent of to potentially very elderly relatives.

You've got to discuss this with him. I could understand wanting a percentage of assets to be protected as the DCs inheritance but they're living beings they can't be willed on someone.

But not my wish! But I've requested it to be changed now.

DH is always i) discussing important stuff with his parents and not me and ii) always seems to be put their needs first. It's really getting on my nerves.

I'm with you on this. IMO anything to do with your children and there future should have been talked about.

Have you told dh your not happy?

Msybe he is narked that they would be living with your family so he wants to ensure contact with his???

He should have discussed it with you but it does seem quite one sided in your family's favour otherwise

I told him. He said I was creating a negative atmosphere and left the room. Damn right I was creating a negative atmosphere.

YANBU as it would have been nice to discuss it first. My sister would become guardian of DCs and we have specified that DHs family should have contact but not specified how much/when etc, that should be up to the new guardians who you hope would act in the DCs best interest and maintain access to all parts of thier family.

Not good to be too specific in wills IMO as you don't know what circumstances will be.

Well, his sister is very religious and hasn't been particularly kind to our children so we felt she wasn't the best person to look after them if we died. And I'm not leaving their care to two people who are in their fifties and sixties!

What if they are older teenagers and don't want to spend their holidays with old fogey grand parents?

In your shoes I would be hopping mad. I can sort of see that he wants to somehow ensure that his parents continue to see their grandchildren, and this was his clumsy way of doing that, but to have not discussed this with you? F*ing hell.

Exactly. That's why I felt we shouldn't dictate beyond the grave who they spend their time with. So controlling! But then that's DH's background.