To think that DH should be able to buy me a present without getting a list from me.

[gscrym]

We've been married for 10 years and every year it's the same. For our 10th anniversary, he asked what I wanted, the night before. For my birthday last week, he asked for a list to go to Boots with. Last night he asked 'what do you want for Christmas'. I told him I hadn't thought about it. He said 'oh well, if you don't pick something, you might not get anything!'

I've never asked him what he wants. I remember wee things he's looked at or got him something to do with one of his hobbies. I don't want him to spend a lot but I would like him to think about what I might like without me having to give him a list from the Boots catalogue.

Last year, I picked what I wanted from the Origins site, he put his card number in and that was what I got.

Give him a list of very expensive gifts...and buy him the iron

YABU

ideally we'd all have partners who always remembered our birthdays and anniversaries, and without prompting selected that perfect, well-chosen item from the apple store/lakeland/orla kiely.

but in the real world, you have two choices: drop heavy hints, or learn to fake delight at being presented with a breadmaker/red lace undies/bottle of charlie.

given that money's tight round here, and I don't want DH wasting money on unwanted gifts, I go for the heavy hints approach.

Wot Dittany said.

YANBU if he's being a selfish lazy arse who can't even log onto the computer and also if he adds "well don't expect anything then" onto any of his sentences.

Dh tries his very best but his presents have been quite hit and miss over the years, so now we stick to the list idea. I make a long list and he picks stuff off that. I get wary of even commenting about anything I see in a shop in case he takes it as a signal to buy it for me. He doesn't realise that sometimes I'm commenting on stuff for MIL's or dd1's benefit: I need to add disclaimers really. "oh yes, that BHS shawl is lovely - FOR YOUR 70 YEAR OLD MUM" or "The new HSM3 stuff is great - EXCEPT IT ISN'T BECAUSE IT'S ALL TAT BUT DD1 WILL ADORE IT!"

Off to make my wish list this morning - on my own in town for 3 whole hours - hurrah!

Men are notoriously bad at knowing what presents to get!
Wouldn't you have preferred it if he got you something that you actually wanted?

dh outdid himself last year when I actually got nothing on Xmas Day from him and his excuse was I didn't know what to get you and didn't really have the time. I was gutted as I had spent time picking things I knew he would like, wrapping them and the kids getting all excited when they helped me give them to him. For me it was a huge kick in the teeth as it demonstrated that he didn't value me highly enough to take time to get me something. I know that's not what was in his head but it really hurt. Sadly this is one of the reasons why our marriage is in a state of collapse.

I know men don't think like we do but surely it is not hard to put a little effort into someone you love, cherish and respect?

I'd quite like a breadmaker for Xmas. Does that make me very dull?
I think my expectations have been battered by years of weird and not wonderful offerings from dp over the years.

DH is not allowd to buy me anything without asking first. He means well but I actively dislike most the stuff he would think of.

So you all moan if your DHs get you something you don't want and you moan if they ask what you want. Right.

I moan because my dh doesn't put any thought into what he buys!

I think that a mad dash to The Body Shop at 4pm on Xmas Eve to buy the first thing you see is pretty insulting actually.

Nope.

I email with links a range of suggestions.

DH does also get me surprises which are normally v nice.

I think the manner in which the op's husband is behaving is the issue.

oh god i hate this about women.

men in general are pretty useless and i think its a martyr conplex i REALLY REALLY DO.

1 week before my birthday i say - its my birthday

its my birthday
its my borthday
its my birthday

everyday.

i tell him what i would like. i be specific or say " jewellery" byt rarely say the latter becuase he is pretty pants.

why oh why do people say DH never bought me any birthday present...i didn't say anything.

men are generally shit. speak the fuck up and be specific about it.
or just ask someone to stone you and have done.

haven't read all the posts. family cultures are different, my family give presents randomly (extravagent/shoddy, wrapped/unwrapped, delvered personally/by post, usually late)and never check with each other what we want. None of us care. Dh's family always spend the same amount on each other, ask in advance for a list, and deliver it personally on time for the big day. His Mum even says 'oh, I got myself some slippers the other day, you can buy me those if you like'. It doesn't much suit me to be like this because I wasn't brought up this way, but it has advantages of getting what you want. I know I buy my dh rubbish presents sometimes - you know, seems like a good idea at the time, but prob not what he wants, more what i want him to have! Maybe your DH would prefer if he could give you a list for his presents.

actually tho, I do love spontaneous gifts, so i know where you're coming from. I did cry when dh presented me with a particularly disappointing body shop basket for my birthday when I was heavily pregnant with dd - from his point of view it was quite expensive and I had asked to go away for a weekend and be taken out to dinner at my fave (cheap) restaurant, so to him that was the 'present' but from my point of view that was a shared finances trip which was for both of us, and I deserved to be spoilt rotten for the whole pregnancy thing. So now I concentrate on asking him specifically for the gifts he does well and we are all happy.