to object to the way women are supposed to get little pt jobs that fit in around the family

[drpumpkinbread]

so they can always be there for the family.

i cringe when i hear somne say you wanna get a liitle part time job.

if i wanted a job i want a fuck off good one thanks.

not to be the servent skivvy that also manages to cram, paid work into my already bust life with the tiny amount of spare time i do have.

some people think pt is the best of bth worlds but i think it can also be the worse of both.

never said its menial hf.

said i would object to being expected to do everything in the house and work pt with me doing all the fitting in around and comprimise

pp thanks feeling better now
what would you actually say to someone that said that to you?

sm but how so i not let it bother me?

Tell them the truth! Say you don't want a job! And tell them why you don't want a job (what you've told us on here). It'll soon shut them up

Do what you want to do and take no notice. My personal opinion is that,if you have a partner, you can't have 2 high flying careers without someone else taking the lion's share of the child care. I would be very resentful at the thought of someone having the lovely job of bringing up my DCs while I had to be doing something else. Therefore I work part time, I have never been ambitious in the workplace anyway so I am not in the least jealous. Not everyone is the same.

Say what you said earlier " I don't want a little job thanks, if I do decide to work I want a nice big one with lots of money"

when you are a parent everyone sticks their neb in,everyone is expert about your life.you have a stark choice

1 get all het up and indignant.fuming how dare they say that to me.with no happy resolution other than your consternation

2 smile serenely and ignore 'em.less consternation,less pent up anger

easy peasy

you wont please everyone.why try

well yes i suppose i could try and explain by saying the reasons on this thread

as long as i don't get mad and end up all

sorry, it was the way you said a little pt job. Assumed you meant menial or boring. Why is anyone saying you should get a job anyway? Is money tight? If not, and you're not struggling I'd tell them to mind their own business. I'm only back at work because we need my salary, believe me, I'd give up in a heartbeat if money wasn't the issue.

However... having boasted rather shamefully about having a cleaner, I do do much more than dh around the home, my days off are spent doing the housework the cleaner doesn't do (laundry etc) while his days off are spent watching sport/having lie ins/being nagged by me to get off his arse and do something to help.

One bonus of me working pt though is that because of my hours three times a week dh has to pick ds up from the cm, and do bath and bed, plus as I'm working this weekend, he'll have to look after ds on his own all weekend. He'll get a taster of what my days off are like

but why does divergent opinion make you so angry if you are secure/happy in your choices.

I could do with a job but it's an absolute joke with no before or after school childcare.
I'll end up doing something that my degree and post grad studies are completely wasted on but my time will come when the children have grown.
People seem to forget you have a good 25 years after kids to fill with a meaningful existence. It's a marathon not a sprint.

I work part-time in a full-on stressful managerial job for 20 hours a week, do the books and admin for dp's company at home, do pretty much all housework and childcare (dp is lazy) and dd2 is severely disabled.

You're right, it sucks!

I'm just about to start a 'little job' that fits around the children. I used to earn a professional salary. Now I'm going to be earning about £12 an hour to do a job that I'm totally over qualified for. Personally I'm thrilled to have jettisoned the responsibilities and stress of a professional position and luckily for me my self-esteem isn't reliant on my having a 'proper' job.

When I had a high flying career, I worked all hrs, did all the professional exams etc etc.
Now that I'm a parent, I want to step back and work part time. I don't want the stress of what I did before but its nice to do something that fits around family.
I worked hard at my career, I want to work hard at parenting too without giving it all up.
Everyone is different. Just tell them your happy with your choice.

what makes me angry is people telling me what i should do.
would be just the same if i worked and was told i should be sah.

its more to do with sharing responsilities
and as he has such a
wwe do not have any money worries and do not need a 2nd income

well in that case, I'd say ignore ignore ignore ignore!

Maybe it's to do with self-esteem? A person may be happy in their choices I suppose, but when challenged by others, if you feel in any way insecure about yourself, or if you've faced criticism or lack of support in the past, it can get you on your soft underbelly - even if you are confident and happy with your decision regarding the specific issue you're being challenged on?

Just a thought.

Oh and believe me, if you did have a job, someone somewhere would criticise this as well and say you should be at home with your children

alot of older people say 'little part time jobs' really wouldn't let it worry me at all.

being a parent you are subjected to everyone's opinion.toughen up bit to the inevitable comments

if you dont you will be in a highly sensitised state any time anyone says anything

yes cumulatively things will irk, but you can try diffuse the effect.by not musing it over, not getting so het up

mmmn...not sure...i would like pt time to be better implemented and valued...and therefore a better deal (rather than doing a 'whole'job in less time)

i really do 'wanna get a little part time job' and i want dp to get one aswell.

but why should you care what anyone else thinks?

Do what you want and hang the rest.

I do have a part time job, but I love it! It does fit around the children, but that is because DH works away Mon - Fri and I don't want to pay for childcare. It makes me feel less dependant on DH and I love feeling like I have contributed in some way. Ok, I don't earn pots of money, but everything helps.

The thing that does annoy me is people saying (MIL for example) 'Ooh you'll have a bit of spending money now' They just don't get the fact that it all just goes into one account and it is for all of us, not just me!

But, I agree, it has nothing to do with anyone else whether you choose to have a PT job or not!

Like HeadFairy, I am working reduced hours at a serious job. I like my job (usually) and love the time I get with my son. I don't always get the balance right and find I try to do everything with less time! Some friends work FT and sometimes regret not having time with little ones but on the flip side really progress in their careers and income. Others don't work and sometimes wish for more time for themselves and to get paid for it. It seems to me that whatever you do there are always compromises and the only right answer is the one that's right for you. (Corny, I know!) Smile sweetly at people who tell you what you ought to be doing...and then accidentally kick their shins!!

I worked pt until a couple of years ago when I was made redundant & now am a SAHM. If someone offered me a reasonably nice job 2 days a week that I didn't have to do in the holidays & that was accomodating when the DCs were sick, then I would do it. Funnily enough, I've yet to be offered that job. DH works long hours & if I worked FT I would be the one taking them to school, rushing to after-school club to pick them up, organising meals, shopping, activities...all on top of doing my paid job. Er, no thanks. It's not just a cleaner you need, it's a housekeeper! I am very lucky that we can afford for me to be at home so I do that, & pick up the odd bit of freelance here & there to keep my hand in.

Doesn't stop me feeling crap when people ask 'what I do' though!

i don't care what anyone else thinks, but i do find it nnying being told what i should do.
anyway i suppose its all part of the fun of parenthood.
next time i will smile swetly and say h no i don;t want a little pt job, i eitheer want to sah or have a fabulas job with cook nanny gardner personal chef and house keeper, fantstic 2nd income and at least holiday homes in the sun.
that might give em something to think about.