DS 1 is almost 12. I split with his 'father' (term used loosely) when DS was 18 months, after his cheating, abuse etc. To top it all this was all going on whilst my mum was terminally ill.
Shortly after we split, he moved away and would continually miss his weekend visits etc and not pay a penny.
When I got a full time job when DS turned 2, he called me a selfish b*tch for putting him in full time nursery, just to get myself loads of money. Definitely not the case, I was earning 10k and sleeping on the floor!
Anyhow, the CSA at the time were pretty useless, but in fairness to them, he was on the dole and when he did get jobs, he changed every time the caught up with him.
Up until now I have had one payment of £5.
We have had very little contact over the years and he has continually let DS down.
Last xmas he got in touch and we let DS decide what he wanted to do. Of course he wanted contact, which we fully supported, and the arrangement has been that his father will call him every wednesday. This doesn't happen and in fact the calls are one or two a month.
Every couple of months he comes to take him out for the day, but always with his 2 younger children, 5 and almost 2, so he never gets time alone with him. Of course we also feel contact with his siblings is good.
So anyway, a few months ago I approached the CSA. Last week I received an award letter of £25 per week, back paid from september.
On wednesday he managed his call and informed me that his job had changed and that as he is only working 1 or 2 days a week, he cannot afford the £25.
He also has another child on the way so any award we get will be reduced when that child is born.
I called the CSA today who were amazingly helpful and told me they are awaiting his new circumstances.
So AIBU to expect this 'man' who is nearly 40 to finally take responsibilty for his son. And to also wonder what is wrong with working on any of the other 5 days of the week to support his children. And maybe even to suggest that he should not be contunuing to have more children (all planed) when he is not supporting the ones he has?
I now know from my conversation with the CSA that he is not providing the new information required, even though he is pretending to me it is all done and that the award was actually their mistake.
I am not a violent person but it is making me so angry that my DH works 50 to 60 hour weeks to support us, whilst he swans around doing nothing.
To top it all he has promised DS a computer for xmas which he is going to put together himself. So when it either doesn't materialise or doesn't work, we will be picking up the pieces.