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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect exp to look after the children....

8 replies

Quadrophenia · 26/11/2008 22:38

okay so newly seperated, we both work shift patterns which means that when i am at work he is off so he can look after the children and enable me to continue to work. This arrangement has worked fine up until now. this sunday exp has been offered overtime at work, it is worth about £250 to him but i am on a late shift at work. i have just found out today i have been promoted, i do not want to start messing about with my shifts. Anyway a friend has offered to have my four children for me from 2-6 and then when he finishes work he will need to collect them and look after them until i finish work at ten. i have said that he can do it at my house to save him having to take them back to his flat and me having to pick them up late at night. he is stressing that he can't finish a twelve hour shift then have the children until ten when he is due to work and early shift the next day. AIBU in expecting him to do this? he has placed me in a very awkward position I can't jeopardise my job, it means alot to me. He has put us in a difficult position in accepting overtime and whilst i understand totally that he needs the money i don't think it's fair for it to be to my detrement.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 26/11/2008 22:42

no YANBU

dh and I work opposite shifts and sounds very much like your arrangement

he'd manage if you were still together so he can manage now

either that or he can use some of his £250 overtime earnings to pay someone to help

and btw looking after kids till 10pm and then early shift is NOT that late

dh works late shifts until 2,3,4am and has to get up first thing with the kids when I'm on early - he can catch up with his sleep later

smugmarried · 26/11/2008 22:44

YANBU - it really annoys me that men think their job is more important than their partners and that any childcare is her responsibility.

What will you do?

Quadrophenia · 26/11/2008 22:47

well i will stand my ground, i don't get paid if i don't go in to work and he has offered to give me the money i would lose but its hardly the point.

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dizzydixies · 26/11/2008 22:53

no, you're absolutely right its NOT the point. If you and ex have childcare arrangements dependent on juggling shifts then he HAS to know if you're at work he has them and vice versa - its hardly rocket science

try to sort it amicably this time but be firm when you tell him that being offered overtime is fine as long as he clears it with you first

am sorry if I sound arsey, I don't mean to, but I have this problem with dh - he expects me to swap everything around to accomodate his changes etc even though I've explained am getting to the point of being sick of having to ask for time off/changes

Quadrophenia · 26/11/2008 22:58

No it's fine Dizzydixies i can see what you are saying completely, I am very cross that arranging the childcare is now my issue all of a sudden. My parents are away that weekend and ordinarily would help out, but he has parents he could ask, and i think if things are too much for him then perhaps he should.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 26/11/2008 22:59

I do think its quite important to keep things amicable when its all this new, you'll both have a period of readjustment to deal with

congrats on the promotion btw

Quadrophenia · 26/11/2008 23:02

I agree and we are being very amicable, i think these kind of issues will be a sticking point really. One of the problems in our relationship was that he was always the hard done by one and was never able to see that we both worked hard for the same goal. I don't think it helps that he is finding this period incredibly hard to deal with, perhaps more so than i am really.
Thanks on the congrats I am very pleased with myself, it couldn't have come at a better time in tersm of self esteem etc

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 26/11/2008 23:16

well good luck, its never easy getting a persecuted one to understand you're not getting at them just trying to run thing smoothly - my dad is the constant hard done by one in our family so you have my sympathies

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