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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU in not going to parents evening at ds's college

8 replies

2shoes · 26/11/2008 21:52

I assumed once he left school it was down to him.
but they have parents evenings.
he says I don't need to go. and that he is doing fine.(I believe him)
can't think what they can tell me, they haven't even done a full term yet.

OP posts:
Cynthia32 · 26/11/2008 21:56

Personally, I would go. When your 16 you are responsible for your own learning, yes, but if theres anything he needs encouragement in, I would want to know. I don't think you have anything to lose by going.

piscesmoon · 26/11/2008 21:58

I would go, they might not say so but they like you to take an interest and anyway it just gives a general encouragement and shows that you value what they are doing.

llareggub · 26/11/2008 21:59

I chose to go to a college rather than a school because I felt it was time to be more of an adult than a child. Our college didn't even send reports to parents, they were given directly to the students.

I'd have been insulted if my parents interfered in my education, personally. But then again, I was ferociously hardworking!

smugmarried · 26/11/2008 23:32

Go till he's 18, then it really is all down to him.

ketal · 27/11/2008 09:50

I would go. I'm not saying that your son is doing this, but at the college where I work, I have seen students go to great extremes to hide the problems they have got at college from their parents. For example, in the past students have deleted messages left on answerphones, given wrong parental contact numbers, destroyed letters sent home to parents and so on.... It happens enough that it is now policy that when letters (expressing concern about students) are sent home, they are handwritten and sent in different envelopes with stamps on and not franked in a bid to disguise them! Yet still we find some students manage to intercept them. In my experience, some students are capable of managing their own learning at 16, but many are not... and there is no way of knowing unless you go to parents' evening and find out!

Also, interestingly, I find that the students who often struggle most with the adjustment at college are those who sailed through school with a string of As and Bs. It's those students who manage to get good grades at GCSE without much work or effort put in, who think that they can carry this on at 'A' level, and of course they can't. It's not always the students who you might think it would be.

Also, whilst I'm on this, another issue we sometimes have with students who go the other way and do waaay too much work and end up getting stressed about it. Sometimes it is good to talk to the students together with their parents together to tell them they need to relax a bit, cause some students can go totally OTT with their studying. Only this week, I've had a girl in tears in class because she has been taking on far too much and putting way too much pressure on herself. It is good for the students to hear these messages both at college and at home.

I've got parents' evening at my college next week, and I will be having both conversations - with bright students who think they can coast, and who need to be told that they are underachieving, but also the OTT students who need to be told to pace themselves if they don't want to burn out. But the key thing is you'll only know if there are any issues if you go.

Also, you say that it's only the first term, but given that they take their exams in May, certainly by Christmas I am half way through the teaching content of my course. I will have finished teaching by April and revision starts then, so now is the time to do parents' evening if you want to nip any issues in the bud.

HTH

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 10:46

Oh dear.

I teach 6th form in aschool. Our parents' always attend pen evening If they don't then it is usually beacuse some kids have a spun a yarn....

I had a parents' evening last week where son had told his mum he was doing fine. We had to tell his mum, that currently he was not going to get a grade as he had done so little work, and we were considering asking him to leave the course

You nned to go IMO

Also dss told his dad he was doing fine at college in Y12. Parens' evening said very different, and dp was able to intervene before problems got worse. Dp also believed his ds, but I bullied him into going.

claw3 · 27/11/2008 10:56

2shoes - When i go to a parents evening, i usually know exactly what they are going to say, before they have said it. They basically tell me the same thing every year. Doing well, could do with less chat!

If he had problems they would have contacted you before now.

Although i do go just to be seen to be taking an interesting to both my son and the school.

mumeeee · 27/11/2008 22:25

I would go. Parents evening are still important at college.

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