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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish my parents would just buy a present from my suggestions without so much faff...........?

11 replies

Belgianchox · 24/11/2008 21:18

Some background, we live in France, parents live in Portugal so presents usually need sending, we rarely spend the day together. They always ask for suggestions as they don't see the kids that often, don't knw their tastes (latest fads), or what they already have. So, I propose a long list of options in varying price brackets, mostly Playmobil as in my thinking not only will my kids love it, it is easily found everywhere. Well since they asked i've had none stop mails asking shoud they get a bike for my DS, or lorries, or something else, and what would DD like? Erm, Playmobil, as i said when you asked first time round. Now it"s turned to 'it's impossible for us to order from a website outside of Portugal', Why this would be i'm not sure, but anyway, benefit of the doubt. Next thing i get, 'but there aren't any real toy shops here'. I feel like screaming 'just don't get anything then', AIBU? Now I don't necessarily expect presents of any description, but when they themselves ask why do they have to make such a palaver of it? Have i unwittingly asked for the moon on a stick ? Perspective required, please!

OP posts:
cheeset · 24/11/2008 21:33

I get this but off my DH. I have been asking for a sewing machine for 12 yrs and for 12yrs he has asked me what I want for christmas?

Yeah regarding your parents, you buy the Playmobil and they send on the money to you.Seems like the only way to me unless you send the details of where to pur-chase the said Playmobil items?

Twinklemegan · 24/11/2008 21:41

My parents have only been grandparents for 2 years so I'm still giving them the benefit of the doubt, but they too seem to make a big issue out of everything. They are convinced DS has enough toys (which he does, but a quarter the amount of other kids his age) so every conversation is preceded by "well, he doesn't really need anything, does he?". What are you supposed to say to that without sounding greedy? I often wonder if I come over as too controlling, but I think they just don't have the confidence to make choices themselves.

Perhaps your parents also lack confidence. Perhaps they would welcome you suggesting to get something on their behalf?

Belgianchox · 24/11/2008 21:51

I have done this too, i suggested it and was met with 'we'll try to find a real toy shop tomorrow'. As if it could be so difficult to find a toy shop in the Algarve, it's hardly a third world country is it? Everything just turns into a massive amount of hassle even when i think i've made things as simple as possible. If they come back tomorrow night saying it's mission impossible i will ask them what their budget is and get the things myself. I didn't really want to do this as I think that it's not my business what they choose to spend on my children, and i don't see why i should have to spoon feed it to them, but sigh....

OP posts:
Carnival · 24/11/2008 21:53

here?

my dd's grandparents sent us the cash to order stuff. good luck

elliott · 24/11/2008 21:57

I had this with my dad last year. Now, I know that he isn't really with the programme when it comes to getting presents, having relied totally on my mum to do it, so I tried to make it easy for him by sending him an e-mail well in advance with weblinks to various suggestions, all available from easily accessible shops if he didn't want to get them on line. Several weeks later he kept on phoning me up while shopping asking ' what about this?' 'or this' - usually something totally unsuitable. When I had eventually steered him back to the suggestions I made, he managed to not get them to the boys in time for their birthdays (which considering they are three weeks before Xmas kind of defeats the object)...
And the problem is he will NOT let me just do it myself, or just give them money (which they would love)...ARRRGGH!

Belgianchox · 24/11/2008 22:16

Thanks for the link carnaval, unfortunately it doesn't look like there are any branches on the Algarve, there must be other toy shop chains there though, feel sorry for the kids there if there aren't lol.
I feel your pain elliott, your dad sounds just like mine. I don't understand why mine keeps trying to come up with other suggestions, having already asked me for ideas. I'll see what happens tomorrow i suppose! I might just call my mum, i might get more sense out of her, although the two of them have real communication problems and mum's laid up so can't shop, and is even worse with internet than my dad!
twinklemegan, i think i would just agree that no, dc don't actually 'need' anything, but if they would like to treat him to something at xmas, then this would make his day. Mine don't 'need' anything either, they're not overloaded with toys either tho, and that's the way i would like it to stay, i don't want to fill the house with pointless crap, hence the suggestions.

OP posts:
elliott · 25/11/2008 11:59

I think the key to my dad's problems is a very very annoying habit he has of forgetting anything you have said to him. He's always been like this, so I don't THINK I can blame dementia. Its more that he is just incredibly self absorbed.
This year, I frogmarched him to the shops and bought the presents with him (that way I knew they would get them on time). About a week ago, he phoned up and said, 'oh, its nearly the boys presents, shall I get them some books?' !!!! Er, no dad, you helped me wrap up the presents that are now sitting in the wardrobe waiting for their birthdays....
And he insisted that he was goign to post cards so that they got them through the post - I would bet any amount that they won't actually arrive in time. grrr.

elliott · 25/11/2008 12:00

nearly the boys BIRTHDAYS, I mean.

mapleleaf · 26/11/2008 14:57

Playmobil isn't as big in portugal as elsewhere, but there still are lots of toystores !! Any large supermarket, continente or jumbo, will have a good selection of toys.

Here is a cute playmobil one:

www.continente.pt/ProductDetailMain.aspx?productId=4079579&CategoryPath=&CategoryName =&SubCategoryName=&PageIndex=1

PinkTulips · 26/11/2008 15:34

you're not alone, my mother behaves like this about every occasion

if i suggest something i'm made to feel that it's too expensive/too difficult to find/too long a drive to the toyshop/random other weird guilt inducing excuse

but if i don't sugggest something i get moaned and whinged at that they don't know what to get the kids.

[sigh]

Turniphead1 · 26/11/2008 15:46

My BiL does this. He is my DD's godfather and (bless him) takes present buying SO seriously. He is like an old woman. This Oct (because am pg due xmas) did a list with lots of choices for both DCs birthdays in Oct and xmas - and sent to him, my sis and Dad. Oh dear God in heaven. It generated more questions and emails than him going off himself...wanted to cry in the end and scream CAN YOU NOT SEE THE POINT OF THIS WAS SO I DON@T HAVE TO MICROMANAGE PRESENT BUYING THIS YEAR> JUST BUY SOMETHING FROM THE EFFING LIST.......

He then gets really huffy when I don't email him the minute said present arrives. Grrrr. I feel your pain but cannot understand why your parents can't order off a UK website.

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