to refuse to pay for FILs cat?

[naturalblonde]

Ok, me and dh had a cat. 2 and a half years ago we gave cat to FIL as i was pregnant, was indoor cat, no longer able to keep it.

FIL has fed and housed cat since then, so is essentially his cat, although he has asked a couple of times if we want it back, we've not been in situation where we can take it(and fil's step daughters wanted to keep it, we were happy with that).

FIL has just texted dh saying the cat needs an operation, gonna cost £160, would we pay for it?

We have no money, have newborn dd plus dd1 (2). I've spent 2 days flogging stuff on ebay to pay for Xmas.

So AIBU to refuse to pay for the cat?

I wouldnt want to say you are being unreasonable because its not quite a case of right and wrong I think you need to look t your finances and offer some financial aid tbh although i understand your predicament.

if you gave the cat to your FIL 2 and a half years ago then it's his cat and he should pay.

However, it does sound as though he took the cat more as a favour to you, rather than because he really wanted a cat. IFSWIM. Could you offer to go halves?

I think you should contribute to the operation. FIL did you a favour by taking the cat.

A pet is for life - much as I have resented my cat since I had 3 children and realised that he wasn't that great what with the fleas and infected anal glands. I think it's unreasonable to give it away unless they asked/begged for it.

Hmm, sounds like he was under the impression that he was merely looking after the cat until you were ready to have it back. Sounds tricky tbh and I would make some kind of offer regarding paying for the operation (half?) After the op I would suggest you either give the cat to FIL officially or have it rehomed by an animal charity. Personally, I'd pay for the op but I understand the difficulties this involves so close to Christmas!

YABU. Fil did not go out and get himself a cat, he kindly looked after your cat when you could not look after it yourself.

You should pay at least half of the money for the op. And maybe rehouse the cat.

Sounds as if there has been some ambiguity here. Did you feel you shouldn't have the cat because you were pregnant and didn't want to deal with the litter tray? In which case I am not surprised FIL thought it was temporary, which it sounds like if he has asked you whether you can take it back/if you want it. I think you probably need to talk about ownership with your FIL - why did you not get it rehomed when you didn't want it anymore? How did FIL end up with it? I think you should offer to contribute and decide the cats long term home together with FIL.

seems to me that he took it as a favour to you, but has always seen it as your cat. tell me, did you ask him to take it? or persuade him, saying we can't have it because of x, y, z, we want to be sure it'll be looked after...or we can't have it while i'm pregnant.. or similar?

I think you should go halves - at least!!

Unless of course, you said that you were taking cat to RSPCA, and he said no, please don't I'll have it..then it's his cat!

We did say if he wouldn't take it then it would go to RSPCA, in my mind he was keeping it permanently. he seemed to be joking when he asked if we wanted it back. He never said to us, 'take it back or we'll give it to someone else'

To those who asked: we gave cat away on the doctors advice. She told me I should not have litter tray in the house when i was pregnant. - 1st pregnancy, so blind obedience to doctors and health care professionals!

I think we will do what Haylestones suggests; pay a bit towards the op, but tell him that it's now his cat, and if he doesn't want the cat we'll give it to someone else.

Don't really want cat to be put down, but don't want to be stuck paying for a cat we don't own for the next however many years. Think I would rather take kitty back(reluctantly), and get her insured.

why not insure her as a compromise anyway for fil?

He did you a favour by taking the cat on (whether it was permanently or temporary in his point of view it makes no difference). I'm assuming if you hadn't asked him to have your cat he wouldn't have been going out to get one? I think you should pay for all the upkeep of the cat personally, it's a massive committment, having a pet, and he's done you a big favour.

Do you really have to rehome a house cat if you're pregnant? I know my SIL didn't.

I know asbout the toxoplasmosis risk but if gloves are used or someone else changes it isn't that ok?

Sorry, I know this is a bit beside the point as it's done with now bu I'm curious.

no you don't chequersandchess - I have two cats, a litter tray which I change (am a single parent so no one else to do it) and no problems. Toxoplasmosis is something that most cat owners will have already had so the GP was talking out of her arse.

I think you should offer to pay half the cost of the op - sounds like you didn't really want the cat but neither did your FIL.

I had an adult cat and 2 kittens when pregnant. Just didn't empty the litter tray, or if I did, I wore gloves.

I think that you should pay for the operation.

I cannot believe that you were willing to potentially have the cat taken by the RSPCA if your FIL hadn't stepped in.

Your doctor sounds nuts. Lots of families keep their animals throughout pregnancies and births.

It sounds as if the "status" of the cat's ownership has not been discussed, and wires have been crossed. Unfortunately, I can't see a way out of this without awkwardness.

Is there a PDSA vet near you? They can do cut-price/free treatment for people struggling to pay vet bills.

We gave our dog to the inlaws as they wanted a puppy and she was driving me up the wall with the new baby in the house. However, we have kept paying the monthly insurance to cover these type of expenses.

You should pay what you can toward it, and then take out insurance for future if your FIL is going to continue doing you a favour by keeping cat. It costs us about $10/mth for the dog.

Are you sure that's what your doctor meant? Because it's bizarre.

Yes,doc definitely said to get rid of the cat. I thought it was bizarre too, but I was 5 weeks pg with my pfb so i did as the doctor said.

We'll speak to them about future care, but kitty isn't child friendly so don't really want her arond the dcs

Blimley, but you have a brass neck. You "would rather take the cat back but dont want to be stuck paying for a cat you dont own" !!! But it is your cat!! You wont be able to get an animal insured for a pre -existing condition, so forget that one. Cough up for the op - its your cat and your fil has been quite long suffering, I think.