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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be really miffed with DH and his why can't you do XYZ when baby sleeps!

24 replies

Mummywannabe · 24/11/2008 20:05

My Dh is a wonderful daddy but.... he just doesn't seem to get why i can't do things in the day when little man sleeps.

I do all night feeds (why can't you sleep in the day is his answer to this, but up till this week was only sleeping for 20 mins at a time)

I do all the cleaning and washing/ironing.

I pop into work once a week to keep on top of things for when i go back

I'm studying for a degree

I honestly don't mind any of the above UNTIL my Dh makes comments like tonight 'oh if you get time tommorrow why don't you make a shepherds pie for dinner' I answered i don't really think i'll have time, his reply 'why can't you do it while he sleeps!

Arggghhhhhh - is it me? Am i missing something?

OP posts:
sleepycat · 24/11/2008 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jammi · 24/11/2008 20:08

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IwishIwasmoreorganised · 24/11/2008 20:08

No! He is! So is my DH! Wish I had an answer fo us both.

Mummywannabe · 24/11/2008 20:10

Thanks

Feel better knowing its not me! Bless him he is great with some things just seems to have a mental block on this one!

He is currently sulking in the bath, will attempt to make up with him when i can trust myself not to start the argument all over again

OP posts:
IAteMakkaPakka · 24/11/2008 20:10

HIBU. Eat chocolate and put your feet up every moment the baby sleeps, vital!

nickytwotimes · 24/11/2008 20:12

HIBVU.
It is hard going especially when you are disturbed throughthe night.
Tell him to sod off. It's not like you're lying around drinking gin ad eating bon bons, is it?

Mummywannabe · 24/11/2008 20:13

Love the name 'Iatemakkapakka' - that made me smile

OP posts:
anneme · 24/11/2008 20:13

yanbu - he is. the trouble is that if people don't stay at home with children then they don't understand why things take time (if they happen at all!). they just judge on the fact that they see mums out with their LOs in a coffee shop or something and assume that is their life - and don't realise that is the equivilent (sp?!) of a working lunchbreak - when you have a sandwich at your desk! the only way they learn is if they had to do it. Could your dh look after your LO when you go into work one day?

sparklylucy · 24/11/2008 20:13

YANBU - if your baby sleeps all night, and you have no job and you aren't doing a degree and you've only got one child, well then you've got shed loads of time to make a shepherds pie. As it is you haven't. so there.

Mummywannabe · 24/11/2008 20:13

Nickytwotimes - only when no one is looking!

OP posts:
Mummywannabe · 24/11/2008 20:16

anneme - he has had him for a few hours but in that time just looks after he so of course it seems easy, he wouldn't do any other jobs in that time.

To be fair before i had little man i never realised how longs things took - and i'm a nursery nurse!

OP posts:
sunmoonstars · 24/11/2008 20:25

Ohhh some men have no idea!! I have only been a mum for four months and I would kill for a good nights sleep, it seems to be that a lot of men who work while the women is home with the baby all day can't understand why the house is not spotless and tea is not cooked to perfection! My fella gets like that too. I struggeld after I had my little man to get into a routine (had a cesearan and infection for 6 weeks,nice) and he said "how do you expect me to keep a job if I have to cook my own tea and iron my shirts) I could have poked him in the eye with a knife lol. So on his next day off I went out for the day and came back and found him stressed out. Nothing had been done round the house and as for tea, he hadn't even started it. Now he knows how hard it is and doesn't whinge if I can't get everything done. Try getting him to look after the little one for a day and see how far he gets. Your doing a wonderful job and seem to coping very well! xx

chipmonkey · 24/11/2008 20:57

The answer is:
Book day in spa.
Leave dh with ds and request shepherds pie on your return.
Go to spa and spend the day giggling manically, order takeaway on your way home!

TheCrackFox · 24/11/2008 21:01

Chipmonkey is a wise lady. If you feel up to it go and have a nice girly weekend away.

pudding25 · 24/11/2008 21:41

Tell him to shove his shepherd's pie up his arse .

Thank god for In The Night Garden. Without it, I doubt I would even be able to do a wee in peace never mind cook a shepherd's pie.

sweetkitty · 24/11/2008 21:47

Exactly what chipmonkey says

BettySwollux · 24/11/2008 21:52

DH asked me wwhat I did all day, I replied, "lie on the sofa, watch oprah and eat bonbons, you absolute idiot", I then said, "If the house looks like it did when you left this morning, then I've had a productive day. If it looks an utter shit tip, you know DS2 has been clinging to my leg and I havent even had time for a sandwich. If the house is spotless, you'll know divine intervention has occured and a fucking miricle happened, NOW GET OFF MY CASE!!!!!"

gagarin · 24/11/2008 21:59

Trouble is if your dh has not had the chance to experience several long days and nights looking after your ds on his own - plus doing all the jobs you do - then he really can't be expected to know how hard it is.

And I'm not being sarky - I really believe unless we actually do each other's jobs/roles we can't really understand how hard they are.

So don't be too harsh - try writing down what you do every half an hour all day so you can show him how packed your day is.

And if he's wanting shepherd's pie then that is actuially something that can be made the day/evening before and re- heated so whne he gets home from work tomorrow hand him the ds and head off into the kitchen (wiht the door shut and radio on) to prepare shepherd's pie for Wednesday - and cook tea for tuesday.

Should take you a couple of long hours listening to the radio and chopping onions - while he entertains a tired baby! I know whihc one I'd prefer

cupsoftea · 24/11/2008 22:03

Ask him to build a shed in the garden/what ever diy you want - he will answer he can't as he's at work in the day - tell him he can build it at night as you work night & day.

theSuburbanDryad · 24/11/2008 22:10

Some great advice on this thread - loving chipmonkey and betty's suggestions.

Your dh is being a twat VU, you work a 24 hour day, with no breaks, you're constantly on call and I think you've shown great restraint in not going into the bathroom and attempting to drown him.

FWIW, I went back to work when ds was 13 months as I found being a SAHM too much like hard work! We lived on ready meals and takeaways for those 13 months because I never had the chance to cook proper food!

gagarin · 24/11/2008 22:29

Has every one seen this joke email doing the rounds?

V Funny I thought...

"One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home.

The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck.

There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around.

As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door.

The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife.

He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, What happened here today?

She again smiled and answered, You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?

Yes, was his reply.

She answered, Well, today I didn't do it!. "

mymblemummy · 25/11/2008 02:12

Oh my, you are managing to do so much more than I ever did.

Go out for the whole day and leave him with a list of jobs.

Not one will be done by the time you return.

I think it's pretty impressive you haven't decked him, actually.

LoveBeingAMummy · 25/11/2008 10:14

gagarin that is fantastic!!!!!!!!!!

Dh is a bit like this but then I am on mumsnet instead of hoovering right now

tbh all this has made me want to make a shepards pie for tea

kitbit · 25/11/2008 10:21

He's probably just not aware! Chipmonkey has an excellent idea
If you asked me now what ds used to DO all day I couldn't tell you. However I do know that I was bloody busy ALL the time even when he was newborn. Have no idea doing what, but there really isn't any time at all!

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