Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell my friend we will be just fine and to butt out!!!

26 replies

girlylala0807 · 23/11/2008 14:09

My dh and I are expecting 1st child, he has a decent enough job, we have enough money to get by, although with the arrival of bub we may not get a big holiday next year. I can live with that.. the world will wait but im not getting any younger lol!!! Im a student and work part time to.

So my point. I just had a conversation with a friend who proceeded to lecture me about having a baby during the credit crunch when we were so poor and I could never give him/her my full attention as im going to continue with uni when he/she is born.

NoW we live in a 1 bed flat, and no we cant afford to move, but we have made space for bub. Its not a tiny flat and we will manage. She said we should have saved for a flat 1st then we could have provided proper roof over head!!! As for uni...im not giving up but if i went back to work i would have less time with bub...no logic there!

As for the credit crunch, we have no mortgage, no car, no savings and no pension...so as far as im concerened ...NOTHING TO BLOODY LOOSE!!!

So am AIBU to want to tell her I dont need her advice, we are fine and to piss off!!!

OP posts:
anyfucker · 23/11/2008 14:11

tell her to reel her neck in

life marches on

if we all waited for the "best time" most of us would be childless

TheButterflyEffect · 23/11/2008 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lilacclaire · 23/11/2008 14:23

YANBU, but you are going to get a lot of unwanted advice when your pregnant, people just can't help themselves for some reason.

crokky · 23/11/2008 14:29

Virtually nobody can get things "perfect" before having a baby. A little baby just needs love and enough to get the essentials. If you had 3 teenagers in a 1 bed flat, they might be cross about it, but a little baby - it just doesn't matter. Me and DH sleep in the same room as DS (2) and DD (8 months), even though they do have their own rooms! Anyway for some people (who are fortunate enough not to have lost their jobs etc), the credit crunch is beginning to show BENEFITS - monthly mortgage payments going down, petrol prices going down, gas/elec supposed to be going down soon, good offers in shops to get people spending. Just ignore her.

misshardbroom · 23/11/2008 14:39

YANBU. There's a fine line between offering advice and poking your nose into other people's business. Sadly, as lilaclaire says, it goes with the territory!

When I told one of my oldest friends I was pg with my second child, her immediate response was 'Oh my God. What on earth are you going to do about your house?'. There were DH & I and one baby in a 3 bed semi, btw!

blueshoes · 23/11/2008 15:01

girly, what does your friend expect you to do? Get rid of the baby?? Since there is nothing for you to do, what she says is bleeding obvious and can only make you feel anxious about your eagerly awaited arrival.

I think she has anxieties of her own that she is unconsciously trying to project onto you. You and dh sound like you will be just fine.

I co-sleep with my dcs too. And did not really need any baby things beyond the buggy. If you decide to bf, that is free.

squeaver · 23/11/2008 15:03

She's jealous.

MadMarg · 23/11/2008 15:13

Good lord, with friends like these, who needs enemies???? YANBU!!!! Tell her to get off her flaming high horse and to either be happy for you or to butt out.

BouncingTurtle · 23/11/2008 15:13

Silly cow! Ignore her. You sound like you have your head screwed on. Good luck with the baby and your study!

Ally90 · 23/11/2008 15:36

Tell her to butt out. None of her business and you want supportive friends not ones who see the worst of everthing, esp when your pg! Congrats btw

And I also have a friend who doles out advice to me...on things she has no experience of...children, marriage, home ownership etc... suspect she has many issues and dumps on me. Luckily she's abroad now...but she's at risk of being quietly dropped as a 'friend'. I can do without the negativity she projects onto me.

Guitargirl · 23/11/2008 15:38

Am with squeaver - she's jealous and is projecting her own insecurities on to you.

I have had similar 'oh my God how are you going to cope?' comments from 'friends'. I see much less of those people now as I would find myself getting irritated.

Original poster
girlylala0807 · 23/11/2008 15:45

We are very lucky in many ways, im in my late 20's, dh early 30's and this is a much wanted baby. We have traveled,done some really cool jobs in our time and now is the right time for this bub. We love each other alot. We think we can provide what the baby will need emotionally and have a family who have bought EVERYTHING for the new arrival (and my mum who has bought xmas presents for next year..baby due in April lol)

I was just annoyed at having to justify myself to her!!!

OP posts:
hecate · 23/11/2008 19:01

"why are you telling me this?"
"How does my having a child affect you?"

challenge her. Bluntly.

onthewarpath · 23/11/2008 19:12

Hi Girly,
None of her buisnes!

Used to live in a bedsit when fell pregnant with DD1, Dh was still a student and we had to live on very very little. We are all still alive and well, managed to feed her, clothe her get a better roof over her head and the ones of her three younger siblings. The credit crunch will not last for ever and even if it did should every parent who already have children get rid of them because they are an expensive buisness? You do not need to justifie any of your choices to her!!!

Congratulation about your pregnancy.

MsHighwater · 23/11/2008 19:14

Unless she says anything about it again, I'd be inclined to leave things be. OTOH, if she has a go at you again, that would be a good time to tell her clearly that you expect to manage just fine. In the event she doesn't leave it alone after that, just stop seeing her.

Acinonyx · 23/11/2008 19:20

A one bed flat will seem like a mansion to the baby.

Does your friend have rather dull life by any chance?

Ispy · 23/11/2008 19:20

Sounds like you're going to be a great mum actually!
Tell her to p*ss off.

LoolaBoys · 23/11/2008 19:36

Nobody can ever afford to have children really.

As anyfucker said, if we all waited til the best time, very few people would have children

DonutMum · 23/11/2008 19:41

Yup, tell her to eff off. You sound like you know exactly what you're doing and have your head screwed on. A baby needs love, cuddles, a warm bed, milk and a lovely mummy. That's it. They won't give a shit about you living in a one bedroom flat - not as if they'll notice!

Good luck to you.

LoveBeingAMummy · 23/11/2008 20:33

depends how much you want to do with her after you have said something!!!!!!

A polite "bit late now" might work however when preggers you do have to let a lot of stuff go in one ear and out the other so maybe "thank for your concern, but we have thought about that"

laweaselmys · 23/11/2008 20:51

I got this kind of thing when I announced my pregnancy. Given that I'd just graduated DP was working, we had a lovely house on a good rent... it made me pretty paranoid that we were doing something horribly wrong.

But we're not. We'll be in a worse position than you next year, but we'll still be fine - they're being rude, keep being determinedly happy and if anybody brings up an 'issue' just politely tell them you have thought about that, since you are not a fool. They will start to feel pretty stupid when you realise you do actually have all the answers!

alicet · 23/11/2008 20:57

Nothing to add to the excellent advice on this thread except congratulations!

Sounds like this is a very well thought through decision and you will be an excellent mummy - Congratulations!

However get ready for a lot of unsolicited advice. Best plan is to just smile and nod and let most of it go over you head or you will spend a lot of time getting irritated. Oh and prepare yourself too for lots of horror stories about giving birth - for some reaons being pregnant makes everyone want to tell you what a terrible time they had - as if you WANT to know

MadamDeathstare · 23/11/2008 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 23/11/2008 21:04

Congratulations! Just stick around MN, most people on here are not against children!

Original poster
girlylala0807 · 24/11/2008 18:22

Oh yes...

Unwanted advice,

Had plenty of that already lol!!!

xx

OP posts: