was this a rude thing for me to ask of my FIL?

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

Well FIL to be as we're not married yet, but that's beside the point.

It's dd's birthday this week. FIL always goes very over the top with gifts, last year he spent £150 on Gap clothes and god knows how much on books and toys too. He is visiting this weekend and suggested him and DP go shopping so he can buy her presents.

DDs bed broke recently so she has been either sharing DSs bed or sleeping on a futon mattress, so I very politely suggested he might want to get her a new bed instead. FIL seemed happy, but they have just left to go shopping and DP is in a real sulk with me telling me it was incredibly rude.

Thing is there's no way we could afford a new bed until after christmas, MIL has already sent a mountain of brand new clothes, plus I got lots from freecycle, and the DC have no need for any more books or toys.

I'm panicking now that I have appeared really rude.

yadnbu

brilliant plan

carrieon - IMO I think that was a bit rude of you - someone asking what to buy for your new baby and you asked her to buy clothes for another child instead. That's hardly a present for the baby [quizzical face emoticon]

I thought that too, nbee

but this thread is about the op

not rude - bet he was pleased. I would be if my DIL asked.

So what did they come back with then?

TBH I would only suggest a present if someone asked and wouldn't volunteer it otherwise. Although I have asked both sets of grandparents not to buy big things for Christmas this year as we have loads of large toys sitting in the garage while we try to sell our house! Don't think YABU though...

YANBU - if your DP is embarresed because his daughter doesn't have a bed, he should buy her one himself and if he doesn't have £30 to spend on a toddler bed at Ikea he should do some overtime, go without something himself, or sell something he no longer uses.

Or you could.

Or you could ask your FIL.

A bed for a child takes priority over almost everything.

Thanks for reducing me to tears nametaken.

DS has a lovely large single bed and DD used to sleep with him even when she had a bed. They are aged 2 and 3.

I'm a bad mother for this am I?

£30 means a lot to us, it means heating or having fresh fruit and veg. We are all sleeping in jumpers and socks as the gas is too much. DP was up for a promotion but the job ceased to exist (he's in financial services) I'm wearing a pair of ballet pumps with holes in them every day at the moment as I can't afford new ones, lovely for the school run. Walk in a pair you bitch.

To those that advised, thanks, they came back with a lovely bright red bed and brand new covers and pillows.

Oh and guess what nametaken? They are both fast asleep right now in DS's bed.

The child has a bed nametaken, who cares if it's one she shares? That was completely uncalled for.

i dont think a bed for a chid takes priority.

heating, eectric, food, rent/mortgage. clothes shoes and playthings - woud come before a bed - if she has somehwere comfortabe to sleep

now, ithink it wasa v. sensibe thing to ask of your fil

I dont think you were being rude op, given what you say fil will spend anyway...it would be different if he was skint and you were demanding furniture.

My stepdad will spend ridiculous amounts of money on my kids..and dont get me wrong, im not being ungrateful at all. But he buys them things they cant use. Ds has an electric guitar he cant play...just one of many lovely yet frustrating gifts.

He wouldn't have a problem at all if I suggested something they need...he made my dd a bed and was really proud of it but had her room been bigger he would have bought her one and been equally delighted.

Looking from the other side, I would much rather buy a practical gift for someone than crap they dont actually need. If only people would bloody tell me what they really want and stop being so polite!

Thanks for the support, this has really pissed me off.

Maybe I shouldn't let a flippant comment do that, but I can't help it.

Oh I often get like that on here! That's why I seldom post in aibu

I can get into trouble without even trying

A Bright Red Bed - how COOL!

I hope she loves it!

OP - who was more pleased with the bed - DD or FIL???!!!! I'm betting on FIL

amIWhat, good result all round

ignore any snidey comments, I agree with custardo

Oh yes FIL was delighted, he insisted on putting it together straight away and even made up both their beds with the new bedding. Great result indeed.

That really is a gift that keeps giving !! Every night she can think how lucky she is to have a grandad that loves her enough to buy her a safe bed to sleep in !! And no doubt grandad is pleased as punch to have provided something so necessary and needed for his GD !

sorry to hear your financial situation is so dire at the moment, it's great youdd now has a lovely bed for when your dc's decide they can't both squash in together anymore!!! Actually my dc's love using their beds as their own bit of play space during the day as they have to share rooms I think it's important to them that they have something that is "their's" IYSWIM. I'm sure your FIL was really pleased that he was allowed to help in such a useful & practical way.

I know this has been and gone, but also, the great thing about this is that if you did scrape the money together to buy a bed, you'd probably buy a basic one. While he's gone out and splashed out on something fun which she loves. I think it's brilliant.

He sounds like a great FIL!