to want to go totally mad for dd's first christmas (long rant sorry)

[mum2bean]

me and DP have been having disagreements about this christmas, as i am a complete christmas freak, i want my house to look like a grotto on the inside, as it is DD's first xmas, and DP is saying that she'll only be a month old and there is no point. he doesn't even see the point of getting her xmas presents! and that we wont really be able to afford it as we are moving house 3 days before xmas and need all the money for the deposit (i wanted to wait until january to do this)
i've already had to stop going to see my family for the second year in a row because he doesn't want to travel to london with the baby, despite the fact 4 days after she was born, we had to go running to london because his family wanted to see her (his nan and grandad, who can drive down, my family cant drive, and he causes problems the second i say i want to go and visit them anyway (obv with baby)as my nan is v ill and may not make it to feb next year, and i want her to see her great grandaughter, even if she doesn't realise what is going on (both DD and nan)
it's really getting to me, as i dont like argueing, especially with the baby, and because of the way he talks to me lately. it seems to me that it is always about what he wants. am i being unreasonable to either go mad for xmas, or go and see my family.

I think there are other problems than just Christmas and how to spend it. Have a chat with your dp and tell him how you are feeling it is all about what he wants. Come to a compromise

YANBU to go and see you're family
YABU to go mad for a month old baby

YABU about going mad i think because your DD won't remember and won't care so it is for your benefit

i can understand why you might want to but if you are moving, i think your finances may be stretched very thinly

there is also a separate issue with the relatives so don't mix the two of them up

What carrotsandpeasplease said.

You are definitely being a bit crazy with all this grotto talk. Save until DD is older.

As for seeing your family, you seriously need to address this, but to be honest, the last thing I want to do at christmas is traipse all over the country.

I think YABabitU, she is only a month old, and the best Christmas present anyone could want is already there, wrapped in a sleepsuit!

Family - its a bit different. They are really important.

Its tough with a whole new person in your world. Congratulations to you both.

Can you turn the house into a grotto on a budget? House and garden have some gorgeous home made decoration ideas in the December issue that are really classical looking made mainly out of newspaper (you can probably see it in the library). Sounds weird but they do look good and I've tried a few out and they're not that complex..

Balancing two families that doesn't stop. My X left in the summer of last year and so I thought on the run up to Christmas that one good thing was no rowing over family visits but the kids still have two sets of relatives.

Could you have Christmas just the three of you and then have a day or two in London maybe just you and the little one?

Grotto and presents barking

Seeing family not barking

Don't go mad - she won't remember it Save your energy for years to come when she will really enjoy it.

Family are important - put your time into seeing them so you can all enjoy your little one.

What carrotsandpeas said.

YAB a little U but can understand as DS first xmas he was 2mths old and we went mad. However in hindsight there was no point as he was spoilt rotten and didnt even know it. WE also didnt have any cost of moving house so with that impending I would be a bit more reluctant to go too OTT. By all means decorate as I am sure she will look at the lights but dont buy too many presents unless you get something to spread through the year etc.

DS was a month old last christmas. He slept or fed through most of it, and the time he was awake and not feeding I was asleep, so I'd recommend going easy on the grotto and presents. Now this year, I'm going mad

The family issue seems to be more of a serious one TBH, and the only thing I can suggest is talking to your DP about it, explain how unfair it feels to travel to see his family and not yours, and try to work out a compromise. Hope it all works out.

go and see your family.
don't spend lots of m oney

Sorry mum2bean.. you are barking mad...! What is the point in making yourself poor and stressed to deck your house up like santa's grotto when what is important is the fact you have a new precious baby which is the most important thing.
A newborn baby can't appreciate it.. you are better off spoiling each other and enjoying your baby rather than sitting there in a grotto... sorry

DS's first Christmas he was 10 days old, DH and I got him a couple of things, my sisters and brother went mad buying him stuff. DS second christmas he was more into it but was freaked out by father Christmas and also by my BIL in a santa hat, I live in hope this christmas will be better. Don't go over the top at this age cause like others have said your DD won't remember it or even stay awake for most of it. Do stand your ground on the family thing though, When we go back home I always make sure we go everyone, family's where you came from.

YAbu about going mad for Christmas. She won't even know it's Christmas.
But I think you should see your family.

What Antagony said. Can't you go mad, just very cheaply?

And do go and see your family, that will mean a lot to you afterwards.

thanks for the advice. going to calm down the christmas idea, just a few decs and lights on the tree.

spoke to DP about seeing my family at xmas, and we have agreed to go and see my family at christmas, then stop off at the rest of his family on boxing day, so we get to see everyone.
again, thanks for the advice

I think that wanting to decorate a house you are about to move out of is really quite nuts. Sorry! I think you are going to be way too busy. Likewise you will be really busy unpacking etc at your new house. Wanting to visit your family is quite another matter, and if I were you I would absolutely want to go (I also think with moving house that makes a lot of sense, as you can get the Chistmassy feel somewhere else, and to be honest avoid most of the Christmas costs).

I would look for a compromise with your dh. Agree to only have a small amount of decorating - say one room with a tree and lights (the lights is the only thing your baby is likely to really be able to see, so more than that is really just for you). Presents for the baby could be about decorating (real decorating that is, not Christmas stuff) her new bedroom (I'm sure there will be lots you want to do there, and that will last). But in return that you will go and stay with family.

Oops - typed that a long time ago and posted without checking the latest posts. I see you have sorted things out already. Fab. Have a great Christmas and a good move too.