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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DS go cold turkey on his dummy?

19 replies

bohemianbint · 22/11/2008 18:04

He's 27 months and he used to only have it a sleeptimes, but since I had DS2 13 weeks ago he's been having it pretty much 24 hours a day.

We were going to get him to go back to just having it at sleeptimes, but I'm starting to think there's no inbetween. I've tried "buying" it off him with chocolate coins but he eats the chocolate and then kicks off because he wants the dummy back. The tantrums that follow make me wonder if it actually couldn't be any worse and maybe we should just bin it and ride it out...

I feel really mean and cruel, but I don't want him having it 24 hours a day, and I resent buying the damn things. Am starting to worry it's going to make his teeth really wonky and I hate taking him out places and him having it in all the time.

What's the best thing to do with dummies? DS2 isn't getting one, that's for sure...

OP posts:
klover · 22/11/2008 18:16

I think you should bite the bullet and take it away from him completely. show him that you are throwing it away and that he is a big boy who doesn't need it anymore. Whatever way you look at it if you get him back into the routine of just having it at sleeptimes you still at some point will have to combat that as well. be strong and get rid!

Lotster · 22/11/2008 18:20

Hey there, just had advice from a really nice HV about this when she came to do the 2 year health check.

I'm due my 2nd in Feb and my 2.3year old has it for his nap times, and car journey naps.

I said I was worried he/I should have kicked it by now and she said, he's still little, it's his comfort and taking it away when he's got a new sibling to deal with very shortly wouldn't be fair. Her main point though, was that it's parent-controlled, I give it to him at nap times only, not his to have all the time so absolutely fine.

So with that said, if I were you, I'd go back to nap times but don't take it away altogether. He's got a new sib which is unsettling and undoubtedly the reason he reached for the extra comfort, and you've only just had a new baby so have lots more on your plate without the cold turkey grief.

When my LO started to go looking for it in his cot in the day, I started taking one up from the dishwasher as we went upstairs to bed, and removed it straightaway after naps. I found it good practice that helps make sure it was always clean too - dummy breath is so rank!

Now...how you go from 24 hours a day to just nap times I'm not sure sorry! Maybe just put up with the fits for a couple of days and keep calmly saying "Dumy is for bedtime" and possibly add "do you want to go to bed then?" or something?? But just think it's a sensitive time to take his comfort away totally...

Good luck!

Original poster
bohemianbint · 22/11/2008 18:21

eeeek. That's the conclusion we've pretty much come to but I feel like a big horrible witch taking it away. Do you think I should get him something else to swap for it to soften the blow a bit?

OP posts:
Lotster · 22/11/2008 18:25

Klover just read your post, please don't hate me as I would have said exactly the same last week as you!

But HV also said try not to call him a "Big boy" now the new baby's here, as it fuels the insecurity at his place being taken (he was your baby for the last two years but suddenly someone else is), and think that might perhaps make him reach for the dummy more? I was surprised as calling my boy the new "big brother" would have seemed natural but in hindsight I can se how it might make them regress a bit...

Original poster
bohemianbint · 22/11/2008 18:26

ooops, x-posted, didn't see your post Lotster! Hmmm.The sibling thing is what's stopped me, but it's been 3 months though. And either way it's going to be hellish.

Should add, he also has a mouse blanket thing which is also a comfort thing, and we wouldn't take that away at the same time. (Although she needs to be confined to his room as she keeps getting lost, and thrown in bins at service stations and the like...)

OP posts:
CatMandu · 22/11/2008 18:30

My dd1 - now 9 yrs had a dummy (I didn't do it with dd2 and ds and they are thumbsuckers). We gradually reduced it so that in the end it was only during her naps and at nighttime. Then when it got to christmas we said we were giving her dummies to Father Christmas who would give them to children smaller than her, but would swap them for a present - it worked. The time is good for this one. Btw she was over three .

Original poster
bohemianbint · 22/11/2008 18:46

I wondered about the father christmas thing - but I'm worried; what if he always slightly hates him for stealing his dummy?

OP posts:
WifeandMotherof4 · 22/11/2008 18:50

You must replace it, unless you bargain well. My ds2 gave it up at 2.5 to Father Christmas who swapped it for a car..... he never asked for it.

WifeandMotherof4 · 22/11/2008 18:52

We talked about it and wrote o father Christmas in advance so he knew what was coming.... we put it in a special box too so FC would know which one to take.

Flightattendant4 · 22/11/2008 18:52

Yabu - sorry, sounds like he needed to regress a little when his bro was born. I don't see the problem with it.

Ds1 still has one sometimes at 5 - his teeth are perfect and he talks like an adult, almost.

I think just let him give it up himself when he is ready - he's not ready yet

candyfluff · 22/11/2008 18:52

we went cold turkey with the dummmy the first day was awful but it did get better im so glad i did it .he was 23 months when we did this

choccynutter · 22/11/2008 18:54

if u really after getting it gone wait till xmas eve leave them for santa and tell him santa bring presents for them as he such a big boy now worked wonders with my ds1 and xmas day too intrested in everything else to care about dummy sorry only jst read post from catmandu that says pretty much same but thought add anyway so you know others have done it

Flightattendant4 · 22/11/2008 18:58

Maybe it would be easier for you both if you 'baby' him a bit in other ways? It sounds like he is missing the babyness he once had, feels displaced...if you treat him like he's very little again, make a fuss, that kind of thing - maybe he won't need it so much. Mind you I expect you've tried everything!

I still am not sure why people hate dummies so much.

Lotster · 22/11/2008 18:58

Father Christmas or "dummy fairy" are great ideas for the dummy/present swap.

New sib issues aside, think 2 and a bit is poss a bit early for him to understand the "gone for good" element of this though. Hence the snaffling of choccie coins then demanding it back!

From friends experience, girls who are often more advanced then boys do it better. My goddaughter was 3, brother later...

mumof2andabit · 22/11/2008 19:13

Do what you is right. We don't have dummies but dd is a thumb sucker....but I have friends going through the same thing as you and my little brother went through. Some of the best suggestions I've come across is cutting the top off so there is nothing to suck and don't buy anymore, chucking them off a bridge followed by a big trip to eat ice cream! And obviously the santa swap. My brother got a spiderman thingy for his. But don't beat yourself up about it but do what makes you feel most comfortable. Kids do adapt very easily after all.

melmamof3 · 22/11/2008 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaureenMLove · 22/11/2008 19:20

DD gave hers to Father Christmas. It seemed the best idea. I figured she'd be so excited and probably overtired when it came to bedtime, she wouldn't be that bothered. It worked.

In fact, she made me cry, because at a Christmas party a few weeks before, FC came and without prompting, he gave her a present and she gave him her dummy. She was only just 2!

mumeeee · 22/11/2008 21:24

I think YABU. He needs it at the moment as he has a new brother. I would leave it for another couple of months.

mummc2 · 22/11/2008 21:46

i would agree with some on here that maybe he needs it at the moment but xmas is a fab time to get rid, thats what i did with my dd who was just turned 3 swapped it for presents. It was difficult for a about 3-5 days with the asking for it but i would just explain that we had swapped it for presents and would have to send em back if she wanted her dummy and that she wouldnt be a big girl anymore. This is a sensitive issue with lo's but you just have to make a decision of when and how and go for it, no turning back! good luck

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