... to mind that people spend so much more on my oldest son's birthday ...

[prettybutterfly]

... than on his little brother's?

Some family members have completely forgotten my dc2's birthday this year, others have clearly spent considerably less, or seem to have put less thought into it.

And IANBU, what do I do about it, if anything?

How old is ds2?

The inlaws did this last Christmas, and on her birthday, ie. no present at all for birthday, a newborn rattle-type thing for Christmas when she was already 6 months etc.

I didn't say anything as I thought they obviously didn't want to waste their money on a baby, which is fine, but they could have spent the little money that they did on something a little more age-appropriate! It was clearly picked up in Sainsbury's on Christmas Eve, if you catch my drift! The lack of thought for my dd2 hurt a lot more than the cost. I hope that makes sense without sounding ungrateful.

DS2 is 4!

Hmm, then I would be more upset that they had not put the thought into a present at that age. Money is tricky, are the birthdays far enough apart that people had more money spare to spend on ds1 at the time of his birthday? Does ds2 have a birthday near Christmas? Or in the summer holidays when spare cash is less available due to family holidays? Are there many family birthdays in the same month as ds2's? Do people show favouritism at any other times of year? If so, then I would be offended. If not, then I would bite my tongue and let it slide.

I do know how you feel though, my second child is just not thought upon as favourably as dd1- it's a shame, but I love her to bits and that's all that counts!!

The birthdays are a month apart. There are far more family birthdays in the month when DS1 has his birthday. Neither is too near Christmas, nor the holidays, nor new year.

They just don't make as much fuss of DS2, and one day he will notice.

younger children aren't as 'present wanting' so maybe poeple take that into account. dd2 is 4 and has never had a present.

Sometimes that happens because the older child gets the bigger items like bikes, scooters, in-line skates, kiddie computers, fancy art sets etc and then the younger one grows into it so don't need one of their own.

Little children have a poor understanding of relative cost. I really wouldn't let it bother you.

Pointydog, that might happen sometimes, but it's not happening here. And needmorecoffee, a four month old might not want a present, but a four year old certainly does!

Relatives are actually forgetting my four year old, or not bothering, when they remember his big brother, and it's making me cross and miserable. I feel that people were disappoited that he wasn't a girl, prefer his brother and are careless about his feelings.

I think you need to discuss it with them. Do they have time to develop a relationship with the younger one? Do they see him on his own?

YANBU

You do need to say something. If there was a party for one child, and not the other, then it might be understandable, but just like that? No, it would be better if they didn't spend any money on either child.

I spend more money on my 15 and 12 year old for Christmas and birthdays than i do on my 4 year old. Not because i like them better, simply because the things they are into are more expensive.

my dd is 4 and isn't interested in presents yet.
But I spend a limit of 50 pounds on each child per birthday and for Xmas regardless of age. So my teenagers will get one computer game and a book while dd might get cd's and books and a teddy.
My relatives don't acknowledge dd's birthday cos then they would have to acknowledge she exists.

my ds b'day is 21st dec so often i get handed pressie which are meant as joint b'day and xmas which pisses me off he has a b'day his own ay like his bro but not treated like so they could eaisly spend a bit less and jstbuy a little sumthing its my inlaws too that are the prob but to be honest i think its more to o with my sons autism then the day they choose to ignore it and make it very hard but treat ds1 fine ... most of time so no i don't thik urbeing unreasonable at all

prettybutterfly I think you are reading too much into this when you say you think they wish ds2 was a girl. I am sure this is nothing to do with it.

Depending on your relationship with these relatives it might be worth just mentioning to them quietly that ds2 is beginning to ask questions about why his big brother gets more presents and that if they are not going to remember ds2 then you would prefer they didn't get presents for ds1 either. Rather than asking for presents for ds2 iyswim.

Hopefully this will shame them into not forgetting in future! Agree that 4 year olds probably won't realise if they are getting cheaper things though...