with my vegetarion issue (not quite the same as the post below)?

[Essie3]

Have invited PIL to ours for Christmas, as they were sulking that DH and I wanted to spend our first Christmas with our new son, and not rushing around (DH is church organist, I live 250 miles away so time together is important to us).
I am veggie, DH is not, DS is exclusively bf. Normally, we have some fancy pies for our Christmas dinner - a veggie one for me, a meaty feast for DH. With veggies, and onion gravy. Lovely.
MIL has said that 'FIL wants some proper meat', and wants a bird of some sort. I won't cook meat (can't, been veggie since I was a child, never learnt, woudn't be good). However, AIBU in not wanting her to bring her own bird and cook it? Same reasons as the other post below - the smell in our small open plan house, the grease etc. Also, one small oven, so no spare space. I also don't want the leftovers and carcass. Plus, I'm not refusing to cook meat - it will be in a pie, but they want something different and more 'traditional'.
AIBU in thinking that if they want to dictate the menu, they go somewhere else? That if you're a guest, you get what you're given and don't demand specific meals? (I wouldn't go to theirs and demand an aubergine; if MIL refused to cook me a separate meal, I'd eat any veg accompaniments quietly and politely. And maybe take a discreet walk via somewhere that sells a sandwich later if I was hungry!)

p.s. she hates bfing and won't let me do it in the same room...an issue for another post...

She is bloody rude.
You cook what you want. They can't sulk about your food and the visit bit.
As for the breastfeeding. I'm speechless. What do you mean won't let you?

I presume you will do it in your own home where and when you like??

Could they not come to you on boxing day when a pie might be more acceptable fare? Then they can cook in their own oven what ever poultry they want for xmas dinner and they won't feel like they have missed out. As for the bf issue I would make absolutely sure that my baby needed feeding in the middle of dinner and proceed to do so at the dinner table

Tell them what you will be serving, and that you don't have room for anything else in the oven so there is no point in them bringing anything else. Suggest that they have their traditional meal in their own home on another day over Christmas, being as they won't be able to have one at yours.

Re the breastfeeding ... don't even think about going into a different room to feed. Smile sweetly, say "I've just got to feed the baby", and get on with it. No apologies, no backing down - if they have a problem with it then they should leave the room, not you.

How about this and Planet Organic sell Tofurkey...

My sister is vege has been for 20 years or so.

I would never expect her to cook meat when I was visiting.

I understand that some people have set ideas about a "Christmas lunch" therefore could you not invite them to spend time with you on Christmas eve or Boxing day?

It is your house and you cook what you want. I hate the carcass of chicken or turkey and would rather have a turkey crown (pies look lovely though, they have made Dh drool )

Am about the bf, make her leave the room if she is uncomfortable. I did with my PIL; they are very traditional and I had H cups so couldn't bf very discreetly when first getting the hang of it

Essie, while I think that a pie is fine - you could compromise if needed by getting a turkey crown for them. It's just the white meat top bit, comes in a pan that you just pop in the oven, and then serve. It's much easier than a whole turkey or other bird and they might then be happy (plus it's smaller - a whole bird for three people is sooo big). My Dad could not handle Christmas without his turkey....

Sympathies Essie. I started a thread about guests bringing meat to a veggie household, and have had a very similar situation to deal with. The main thing that other thread taught me was that some people have very fixed ideas about what a meal should be, and do see it as a hardship to go without meat. And as a host you do have to consider this, even if it pisses you off mightily.

Last year my mother & her partner invited themselves for Xmas and demanded (not asked politely BTW)that we provide turkey. I was pretty fuming at the presumption of it all, and like you there was the added issue that I don't actually know how to cook meat.

In the end I decided it wasn't worth the aggro, so caved in and got a turkey crown from M & S. It was easy to bung in the oven, and as it came in a foil tray it stayed separate from everything else. Though I did make a point of not putting it centre stage on the table so I didn't have to look at it.

It sounds like you have a lot of different issues going on here, and much potential for conflict. What is going to be the easiest path for you? It may just be a question of gritting your teeth and getting through it so you can have your christmas, your way, next year.

It is VERY rude to insist that you have Christmas Day different to how you would have liked it - including dictating the menu. You are already compromising and as above I would say there simply is not room for a turkey.

Also horrible of them to make you feel uncomfortable about breast feeding. Can your DH have a word?

Those pies are great - love the Heidi pie
I think it's great that you're having them for dinner on Christmas day, and I would have thought they should be so pleased that they wouldn't care what was on the menu. So many PIL's don't get a look-in at all for Christmas day, so I think they're being fussy

Personally I can understand why you don't want turkey/duck etc cooking in your kitchen - I wouldn't like the smell of it in my kitchen either. I can see that others' suggestions of ready made turkey meals may be a compromise, but tbh I think I would be like you and want to put my foot down. There's no way I would dictate what I would want to eat if I was invited somewhere

Could you ask them to roast the bird at home, carve it, and bring it to heat in your microwave - citing small oven/no extra space as the reason?

I think sunnygirl's suggestion is good. If they bring it first thing foil wrapped it will be fine with gravy on top.

You can't do a traditional Christmas lunch in a small oven. It's impossible.