(or more to the point are WE BU) in "regulating" the visitors?

[pookamoo]

Today I am a week overdue with first LO.

One of the (many!) things that worries me is that after the long awaited baby arrives, we will get inundated with visitors.

Obviously we will love to show off our new arrival, but I am concerned that we won't have any time to ourselves!

The plan is to spend a couple of days in the local midwife led unit after the birth, to get the feeding right, and to work out which way up to hold the baby!

That's fine, as visiting times are limited, but so is the number of people who can visit at any one time (4 per mum).

Do you think it would be unreasonable of us to ask our friends and family to arrange in advance with DH when they should come to visit? We can make sure that we don't get 20 people at once, and be clear that we will only be able to see them for a little while. Say half an hour at a time. We're planning to keep the same thing going when we get home, although for the first two days we'd like it to be "just us" iyswim.

So as "friends and family" would you think we were being unreasonable? I think we might make an exception for our own immediate family though, just on our terms. Or is it firm but fair?

Thanks for your thoughts.
(You can tell I don't have enough to do now that I am overdue!!)

DH invited all his family (that would be 12 people in total) to come over an hour after I had arrived home from hospital

God it pisses me off even now.

oops didn't see your last post. Congratulations!

COngratulations!

This is a great thread of tips I will remember them all... I feel mean but also very selfish about this time if and when it ever arrives!

Well done pookamoo and congratulations!

Next time I will be much more strict with visitors in the hospital and at home. My Mum and Dad who were both in town for DS birth visited at all three visiting times on the first day in hospital and brought people every time. I had to tell them in the end that they could visit once on the next day, but noone else could.

I really think we'd have got feeding off to a better start if I hadn't been what felt like constantly surrounded by family.

Difficult to do skin to skin when your Dad's staring at the baby.

Thanks all, she's gorgeous and I am so in love!
Every time I look at her my heart gets bigger. Even at 4.30 in the morning!

Be selfish. It's really important.
We had a rocky start and were really grateful for the chance to just be together with the baby, learning about what she needed.
It's a really special time, and not the easiest by any stretch of the imagination, so I think private time is vital.

And wasting at least your dad was distracted by the baby while you were doing the skin to skin, he probably didn't even notice you were there!

YANBU. I had no probs at the hospital where my Dsis came one day and prodded my boobs tried to help me BF, and friends came during normal visiting hours for a cuddle. But Dh invited his brother, SIL and kids round the evening we got home. I was totally shellshocked and could certainly have done without it for a few days..

I'm going against the flow here, although I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. (although I do think the poster who blocked all visitors for 2 weeks was!)
My mum and dh blocked all visitors for the first two days, although I didn't realise it at the time, then on the third day of being home we had loads of people visiting and it was fantastic, I was soooooooo proud of ds (and still am ) and just wanted to show him off to anyone who stood still long enough! Have to say though, that I enjoyed this so much because dh, being the wonderful man he is, was like, in my mother's words, "an old hen with a chick" and guarded me and ds to make sure I was looked after to the nth degree. And my visitors all knew where the kettle was and how to use it themselves, and didn't overstay their welcome!

congratulations on your liitle girl, wishing you lots of love and happiness
xxxxxxxx

YANBU. It sounds very sensible to me.

YANBU

YANBU. With my first DD I did not want anyone to visit for the first 2 weeks apart from parents. We then said extended family after 1st month and we then had friends round when the baby was 3 months. I had a bad birth and a tough time and I just couldn't face it. I felt better to see people when I had my act together and not before hand!

Congratulations Pookamoo. My first baby is due in 10 days and I have told everyone that only immediate family will be welcome in the first 2 weeks. I know some people will think this a bit unreasonable but I figure that telling people before the event is less offensive than having to turn them away from the door! My reasoning is that we will never have this time again and I don't want to squander it.

It wasn't the visitors, it was the constant phone calls after 6pm, when DS was screaming with colic and I was trying to get supper eaten before I lost all interest in it due to over-tiredness. (Most relatives living long distances away.) In the end we recorded a message on the ansaphone giving brief details about DS and our progress, and switched off the phone ring volume control for the duration of meals/baby feeding and tried to get back to people when convenient for us.

It is absolutely essential to limit visitors in the early weeks of your newborn's life. The constant steam of people although they are kind and bring gifts and mean well are a nightmare when you're trying to establish breastfeeding and feel tired, battered and sore. Mind you post CS I could hardly walk for a couple of weeks and had constant mastitis. Others may be luckier.

Hi all - would just like to add from a well meaning but clueless person's point of view the clearer you can be about what's best for you the better - I've screwed up so many times int eh past by simply not realising what the mum really wanted as I've not been in the position myself. I cringe when reading about badly behaved visitors when it dawns how thoughtless I really was without meaning to be.

yanbu

yanbu, but it won't work

totally reasaonable and totally sensible -the last thing you need is being inundated with visitors.....