To think my niece is doing too much ?

[redskyatnight]

Niece is 3.5 and started pre-school in September doing 2 sessions (2.5 hours) a week.

Saw Sil and her DC (she also has 1 year old DS) the other day and asked how her DD was settling in at pre-school. SiL replied that she was doing well but very tired out by it. I made some remark that of course pre-school is tiring at first.

It then emerges that DD does 6 organised activities a week (stuff like Tumbletots, music group, swimming lesson so all structured) as well as her pre-school sessions. I commented that that did sound a lot and that lots of pre-school children drop the other activities when they start school. SiL said she was loathe to drop any as DD was doing so well at them and she felt it was important for her to have a breadth of interests. However she could see DD was getting tired so was now only going to increase her pre-school sessions to 3 in January, rather than 5 and would teach her to read at home instead so she wouldn't be "behind" when she started school.

She then asked what I did with my DD and I was left feeling decidely inadequate when I admitted that the only "formal" activity that DD does (she also goes to nursery) is to go to storytime at the library once a week (actually when I can be bothered to take her).

Obviously we have different parenting styles and I wasn't about to start a "discusison" about it but AIBU to think that my niece is doing way too much for a 3 year old?

I think it depends on the child, my dd1 would have found that too much, she did 2 whole days at nursery and 1 half a day which was plenty until she started school. We also take her swimming but not every week (when i get time).

YANBU. SIL sounds a bit bonkers and precious. Nothing wrong with getting out and about a lot - park/library/swimming/zoo etc - but deliberately maintaining a "breadth of interests"

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I do think you are being unreasonable, i would also think your SIL was being unreasonable if she were to complain about the activities that you do with your child.

Mothers usually know their own children best and each to their own i say

I agree with claw3

No I don't think your neice is doing too much. She is only doing two preschool sessions a week as well as her activities. It depends on the child. DD3 needed to do at least this much stuff or she would have been bouncing off the walls with boredom. You are being a bit judgy and defensive IMO.

she is only doing two tiny sessions of pre school, YABU

dd3 (2.6) is doing THREE FULL DAYS of preschool from Jan plus swimming, ballet and jumping beans while she is there (so I dont have to do it, whaoooo)

term time only

she will blardy love it

anyway tons of kids go to nursery full time and have all those things built in and seem to survive

DD (2.5) goes to something every morning - music group, tumble tots, playgroup and nursery for 2 mornings.

She thrives on it, its hardly like its hard work is it! Its mostly just playing somewhere other than at home.

So IMO, YABU.

YABU, there is nothing wrong with a child being tired out by activities, if she is enjoying them, what is your problem?

If she suddenly starts wanting to stop going, would your sil force her to still go? i am guessing no?

My dd started full time nursery 9-3.30 at 3 and 5 months (part of a Catholic school). To begin with she was exhausted and to be honest still is at age 4. When I say exhausted I mean that except for going to the park, she doesn't do any after school activities because I want to get her home, bathed and spend time with her before she goes to bed at about half 6, 7.
I dont think YABU to think that your neice is doing too much, but then if she only goes to preschool a few times a week then to fill her days with other things she enjoys is ok. If your neice startes refusing to go or not enjoying the activities then fair enough it is too much.

I take DS2 to quite a few organised activities, and he does 2 sessions a week at pre-school. I think tired children are fab.

I also did lots with DS1. Not 'learning' things, but mainly play things. Each to their own I think.

YANBU to think that, I agree this is going overboard. But it's not really your place to comment on it, it's up to the child's mother.

YABU , I agree wiyh claw3

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Doesn't seem that much to me. My ds (3.10) goes to pre-school 5 days a week from 9-12.40, including lunch club. He also goes to a music group on one afternoon and has a swimming less on another afternoon. We keep busy at the weekend too, and he never has trouble keeping up with his much older sister. She, OTOH, doesn't have that much stamina and would have struggled to do as much as he does when she was 3. As long as they're happy, that's the main thing.

If she's only doing 2 short sessions of pre-school a week then I think YABU to think that having these other activities is too much.
My ds2 (3.5) attends pre-school 5 days a week 9-3.15 and does tennis on a wednesday and has jsut asked if we can re-start swimming lessons (which I dropped when he started pre-school).
Some children thrive on more activities some don't. Ds1 was totally different and far too knackered by pre-school alone.
I think you have to trust your SIL to know her children best.

snap notbigjustbolshy!

I don't know...different strokes and all that. My son does 5 mornings a week at nursery and yes, he does get tired sometimes, but we would both climb the walls if we didn't do some activities in the afternoons. He does two 'classes' a week - Enjoy-a-Ball and swimming - at the moment, and I think that's enough. But that's my child. Others may be different. As long as the child is happy and enjoying the activities, no probs.

It does seem a lot but really it is just lots of small things - 1/2 hour or an hour long. So actually much more of a logistical nightmare for the mother than the child, especially with a 1yo to drag along/keep entertained during it all.

So 6 activities, at say 1 hour each, plus 5 hours of pre-school is a total of 11 hours a week. At 3.5 my DD was doing 27 hours in nursery (3 full days), plus a low-key swimming lesson for 1/2 hour, plus ballet/tap for 1 hour. So quite a bit more...