To be annoyed by MIL or feel complimented?

[ComeOVeneer]

I am going away this weekend with some girl friends (from Fri am until late Sunday evening). MIL has phoned up dh to tell him she is coming to stay on Friday afternoon, until Sat lunch time (when he is due to drive over to ILs for the rest of the day) to help look after the children.

To my surprise (and great pleasure) dh has declined saying he has plans and is looking forward to having the time with the children alone (he rarely sees the children before they go to bed due to late working hours).

Now the thing is dh often goes away for the weekend (rugby/golf/stag weekends/business trips) and she never offer to help. She said she felt she needed to do this because poor dh works so hard during the week he needs some time to relax (possibley play golf on Sat morning).

So do I feel annoyed about this (and I'm sure she would get up to no good/comment in my house in my absence) or do I take it as a compliment to my superior parenting skills?

it sounds a wee bit passive aggressive BUT have a FANTASTIC weekend

I'm sure it is partly as she wants to help out her son, and partly as she wants to spend some time with them without you there. That would be how I would view it.

GOD WOULD YOU WANT HER TO HELP?!!

oops caps on

Ignore it.......but have a bloody good weekend.

Often when I have a girly weekend dh takes the kids to inlaws
I love it cos I know they are happy there and it saves me going with them another time

win win all round i say

Don't give it another thought.

If she offered to come and help you when your DH was away you would have been offended so she can't win. It is her son, so she obviously feels able to offer.

YANBU and i would be annoyed too, but dont you know the woman can always cope and doesnt need any help or time off

What Jun said. Don't worry about it, have a fab weekend.

Compo, dh is taking them there on Sat for most of the day. We spent most of last weekend with them as it was MIL's 60th. She will need to take the afternoon off work and drive 1hr on Fri to get to us so she can do the school run, letting dh have a break (he does about 4 school runs a year), stay overnight, let dh go and play golf in the morning the they drive back to ILs in 2 seperate cars for the rest of Sat (she will most def persuade dh to stay up there sat night anyway).

ohhhh have a great time..well i don't think yabu, however, since dh has declined this time-maybe she would like to help you out next time dh goes on a weekend away, while you have a bit of a break.

No I wouldn't want (or ned her help) I just seethe (sp) inwardly at the "my poor baby (of 34yrs)is so over worked" yadda yadda.

Last time I looked he signed up for parenthood too.

I think this is just your MIL thinking your dh is a little bit useless and that he needs looking after. More to do with their relationship than anything to do with you. My mum thinks like this a bit - she has an underlying message in her head that women are there to look after men, and men are there to work very hard and are allowed to get away with anything in return. Just be glad that your dh doesn't think the same way!

Funny thing is, I was talking to some friends about this sort of thing the other day. Whenever one of us (mums) has gone away for the weekend, either each dh decamps with kids to his parents or in-laws arrive to help.

This was even true in one friend's family where her dh was a SAHD for 3 years

I take it as a compliment

Could be that rather than actively not wanting to help you, or wanting to mollycoddle him, that the real reason is she can fill her boots "mothering" the kids when mum isn't about to have her toes trodden on?

Sometimes mums and MIL's just want to play mum again.
Wish mine felt that urge

Oh and have a fab time!

Thanks for all the good wishes, I'm sure we will have a fab weekend

MILs are all annoying and should henceforth be referred to as MMIL or IMIL, depending on grade of insanity. AIBU?

It's not juts MILs! When I take DS home to see my family, he gets so many dinner invitations from friends "because the poor thing is on his own". WTF????!!!!!! My DH travels a fair bit, works long hours when he's at home, and do these friends invite me because "I'm on my own?" NOOOOO!!!!!

(And these are also 'couple' friends, do the female half of these couples not think???)

Last time I was away for a month, and DH had more invitations for dinner than the number of days that I was away.

So just enjoy the knowledge that everyone knows that you are clearly superwoman, and have a Fab weekend!