To expect my parents house to be clean! not tidy but clean!

[chosenone]

I really need to get this off my chest and get some perspective on this if anyone can help? I am going to sound ungrateful here I know it but its really bothering me now I have my own kids...

My children had been at my parents for an hour or so after nursery and when I went to pick them up they were playing on the kitchen floor, it was filty, matches and dirt everywhere! Then I had to chase them upstairs and into my parents bedroom which was literally a dump! Including a bowl of urine by the side of the bed!?! The kitchen hob and oven are never clean and there is always a bag of rubbish on the side overflowing onto the pile of washed pots! They never dust, occasionally hoover and the bathroom can be pretty bad until one of them blitz it, i.e chucks bleach down the loo!!

TBH they've always been similar as a teenager I got comments from friends and was embarassed to take friends back, but my parents have little shame! At xmas they'll give it a once over and it it'll look bright and cheerful but under it is dirty! They're not incapable and although they work part time they do have time . Like I said it was similar when I was young and they were my age

Should I say something? If yes what? My DS 3.3 has already started saying her prefers his other grandparents house, although they seem to really love my dad? anyone? thanks

hmmm , the bowl of wee thing is pretty gross, would that be a regular occurance? Maybe they just forgot about it..
I'd mention the bowl because of the kids ,as for the rest I don't think I'd say anything, it's their home after all.
You've survived so they can't be all that bad.

One of our best mates has 2 big dogs (alsatians), whenever we go there there's dog hair everywhere.
Last time they invited us for dinner the dog put his head on the table where the food was and left a big patch of saliva on each corner of the table.
Disgusting.
I know I won't be visiting when my baby is born.

The funny thing is that he makes us take our shoes off (when the carpet is covered in dog hair and mud patches from when they've been in the garden.)

Sounds very much like my house, apart from the bowl of pee!

Hm, it isn't really any of your business, tbh....So YABU....

Did you come to harm growing up in that way?

Not everybody has the same priorities...

re my brother, he too daren't say a lot but he has time....time to go on 3 day benders and is single no kids etc! Im going to offer to help in the kitchen and convince them to buy a kitchen bin! maybe i'll get them one for xmas! The urine was a new one on me to be fair but my dad knew i'd chased the kids upstairs and he never said anything!

They don't have friends round much but when they do it does get cleaner (downstairs) im embarassed in front of even my DH and best friend! Im going to try and say something, its more that everyone's scared of mum and her sharp tongue which is a shame cos she thinks we're all so close!?

Oh, on bowl of pee...lol...my dgd always had a pisspot next to the bed...he only had one leg (lost one in the war) , so, found getting out of bed a bit of a palaver...but I suppose in them days it was still quite a normal thing to do...

It's a bit like this at my mums, well, without the bowl of wee, and I was embarrassed when friends came home too.

Occasionly it's tidy but mostly there's stuff from her stained glass all over the work surfaces and dog hair all over the floor and an extremely unsavoury bathroom but dcs never notice it. They love going there.

You won't change them. If this is the only problem I think you just have to accept them as they are.

My mum's house is very untidy and cluttered, but not at all dirty. That would gross me out, tbh. YABU to expect them to keep it clean, as it's their house not yours, but YANBU to be disgusted by it.

chose - mine are the same (not the wee part, but the bathrooom and kitchen are always gross). I find it revolting and complain about it all the time, but they clearly just don't care as they do nothing about it. If we're going to stay then I arrange and pay for a cleaner so that I can feel comfortable bathing the children. I'm not that fussy, but my 2yo would pick the gunge off wherever and eat it. bleeugh.

I used to find bags of 'unmentionables' (not wee) by my parents bed as my Dad suffered from a fistula which used to bleed quite often (he's had an op since which has dried up the flow somewhat so the problem has vanished to a great extent). He used to bag up his padding but forget to take it down to the bin as he didn't want to put it in the bathroom bin and then it would slip his mind. We just used to discreetly remove any bags we came across.

ils house is like this without the wee, always covered in doghair, cups left on floor, kitchen and bathroom filthy and greasy, nothing we can do. bil just repainted front room for them and they have bounced the dog ball up the wall straight from the garden so its filthy already.
their house, their choice.
BUT when we occasionally visit i don't loose dd 16 months and if they say put her down, dp says no it's not safe as it's dirty.

Ripeberry,

I sympathise with your problems with your mum: my dad also has dementia and incontinence problems. I know you say your dad won't have carers, but does the district nurse visit? If she does, she can provide you with bed and chair covers called kylies (weird name, but that is what they are called). You can also buy them yourself: there are loads available, for example on this page.

Apologies if I am preaching to the converted, but just thought it might be helpful...

I have to say we have this problem. When I was growing our house was literally one big pile. Of rubbish, clothes, food, containers everything. It has improved but is still very dirty and it smells (do I sound like a snob?) However it does bother me and dh so we just dont go to the house and neither do the kids. We meet other places other peoples homes works out easy enough for us.

my mother is exactly the same, as a teenager i used to try and help her clean the tip.when i moved out i dont think she cleaned it on a regular basis. its disgusting. whats worse my sister and brother have turned out exactly the same.my sisters neighbours called the social work because they thought her kids must be neglected because of the state of her house.they helped her clean it up and she is now improved her housekeeping, its better but nowhere near good enough.she has 5 kids and that her excuse.its the kids that suffer.if your parents dont clean up theyre act i wouldnt let them have the kids to visit,its a health issue. sometimes lack of hygene can be an indicator of mental health issues:if u have any doubts about them get them to a doctor.

My Mum's house is like this, I got so annoyed the last time I was down there as ds4 is 6 months. When I needed to wash my breast pump I couldn't as the sink was piled with dishes, then she smeared cake mixture on my steriliser and didn't wipe it off! But when she comes to my house she goes on a mad cleaning spree!

My house suddenly feels very clean!

there is a difference between an untidy house and an unclean one.mines usually untidy, toys everywhere and piles of clothes to be ironed(usually in my bedroom). i always make sure my kitchen and bathroom are spotless.nothing like a good bleaching!!!!lol cant stand dirty wall switches(makes me retch, yuck)dirty toilets are the worst. i cant understand how it doesnt bug the sh*t out some people.(SISTER HOPE YOU READ THIS!!!!)

dsrplus pmsl at your toilets are the worse, can't understand how it doesn't bug the shit out of some people.

Must admit I am a bit over the top when it comes to my toilets and basins. They are spotless most of the time. Agree about the light switches. When I clean my house as I finish each room, clean the switch and door handle as I go out. I am a bit OCD though

ooh so am i daphnemoon.not been as bad since up the meds ,but hey a cleen house is a clean house. light switches, phones tv remotes are all hives of bacteria at best of times/ but visable dirt on them IS TOO MUCH uncalled for unaceptable and just down right boggin. dont get me started on cats litter trays.!!!!(boak)

Understand your worries, and I like to have a clean house. But....apart from the house, are they nice caring people? If so, then actually (in my opinion) it doesn't really matter. A doctor once said to me that very few people come to the end of their lives and wish they'd done more work/hoovering etc etc. Easy to say - because it would bug me too!!!