To feel that not letting DS have dessert is like child abuse!!

[TooSoftForMyOwnGood]

I know it's not but why do I feel like that??

He did not eat the lovely beef casserole with veggies and baby new roasts that I slaved over and I normally let him get away with it but recently have thought..NO... am fed up of wasting food and all the work that I put into making meals as nutrious (forgotten how to spell that!)as possible just for the DCs to turn up their noses and cry and wail until they get dessert (usually some ice cream or pudding - rather defeats the object of the healthy dinner but oh well).

So tonight DS did not get ice cream and was not happy so now feel terrible that I am depriving him of it when the other DCs got some. Feel he will remember this for the rest of his life and it will affect him!!

Why am I so bloody daft/soft? That's probably why my DCs do not listen to me, completely blank me sometimes and are generally very ungrateful, spoilt children. AIBU to start kicking ass and get tough before they get old enough to kick mine?

It doesn't matter what you do, they'll remember something and blame you for it.

No, YANBU.

If it makes you feel any better my DS very rarely gets dessert at all. Maybe fruit and a yoghurt occassionally.

If he doesn't eat his dinner I maybe offer a slice of bread to fill him up but no pud.
I am very mean.

No YABU. pudding is a treat for eating lunch/dinner. DS has to eat a good amount and nicely to get a pudding.

We never had pudding growing up.

Now I feel deprived.

lucky children i say...pudding?!

my two got a dairlea cheese thing! mwhahahha (evil laugh) although they do have a bit of choc after school.

do not feel terrible!!!....its a treat which is earned

your laying down the law now so that they are not horrors in later life (like i know what i'm talking about)

We hardly ever have pudding.

I cant remember the last time we had pudding

dinner ends when you stop eating (i.e. finish).

Therefore if you stop eating during your main you have obv finished and don't get any more.

There are exceptions, but they require eating at least 3/4 of main meal.

DD never has pudding at home. I did not want to get into a situation where she relied on pudding to fill her up and ignored other courses.

So don't worry, if it is abuse then I am the worst offender. I shall expect a call from SS soon .

I think you are perhaps a little mean if you have suddenly sprung this new approach on your children. But otherwise completely reasonable. Sounds like a lovely meal to me!

Oh, and isn't the point that he should remember, and eat better next time? You do need to be consistent though, and make sure you are not giving them too much in the first place, and allow for some flexibility (ie if you eat three more mouthfuls type approach). Otherwise you can easily get into counterproductive fights that will leave you all feeling bad.

You are soft.

But I would either not have puddings after a meal at all, so teh choice of yoghurt or fruit would still stand. Or if there was a pudding, I wouldn't deny it.

I never made pudding a reward for eating the main course. That makes it sound like the main course is something to be 'got through' before you can have the 'treat' of the sweet course, an idea I didn't want to put into the DCs' fluffy little heads.

In fact I didn't make any rules at all. "Here it is, eat as much or as little as you want." No-one got fat or developed food issues as a result of my lackadaisical approach, if you're wondering! But I know I'm probably way outdated these days.

Child abuse?

< hides thread before I say something totally sarcastic >

"the 1978 Weeble Swimming Pool debacle" - do tell, snigger...

Agree with Dreyfus, OP.

Dreyfus I don't think you are outdated. Just different! I think people were actually much stricter about eating up in the past, but also that there was so much less variety perhaps children were less fussy.

Beating him round the head with a stick with nails in is child abuse not letting him have pudding is parenting.

We only have pudding on Sundays, after a roast.
Discipline is your job, stop feeling bad!

you might want to reconsider your inappropriate thread title for such a whimsy topic

< fumes quietly in corner >

dreyfus, I agree with your approach but if I did that DD would only eat yoghurt and fruit and would ignore anything savory at all. Would you just accept that?

Sorry for thread hijack!

I agree with Dreyfus's approach, but don't feel guilty for following through on something you told the children you would do if they didn't eat their dinner - you should always mean what you say.

We only have puddings about once a week in the Clanger household. It isn't dependent on finishing the main course, mostly because I was a fussy eater as a child and I am very cautious about giving Tiny Clanger cause for food-related "issues". DH also eats like a sparrow sometimes and does not finish his.
Mealtimes shouldn't be a fight and no-one should have to eat food they don't want out of duty. I remember being fed casseroles and stews as a child and absolutely hating the texture of the soft meat, and the skin that would form on top of the gravy. Anything that forms a skin on top still makes me feel a bit bleurgh, although I happily eat curries and saucy things now.
Is it taste or texture they're objecting to?