To think that DP really should have thought to tell me that he's not going to be coming home tonight?

[overbuurvrouw]

This morning when DP went to work he said he didn't know if he'd be able to get home for dinner tonight. He'd let me know one way or the other. It turned out he'd need to miss dinner. So, at 8 (am an hour later than the UK) I called to ask what his plans were/when he was coming home. He picks up the phone and says he's just making something to eat. So I ask if that means he's not going to be coming home. He's not coming home.

He is pissed off that I am disappointed, thinks I am BU. Am I BU?

He works about an hours drive away and his reasoning is that it isn't efficient to work late, drive home and drive back again early tomorrow. He's going to collect my mother from his airport tomorrow evening so he'll have to leave early. I agree with is reasoning but think he's BU not to think and plan a little. I wish he'd just phoned to say he wasn't be coming home.

I suspect his not coming home has as much to do with wanting to hang out with his BF (who works for him) and not having to have his sleep disturbed by DD (who is teething), as needing to work.

OK, I know you guys like all the facts on the table before we start, so here's the background...

DP is starting up a business with a friend. Things are going well but they need to get a couple of more projects in to be able to keep going in 2009 (and move to new premises as planned). It means he has to work a lot and stay over or once or twice a week.

They employ two people at the office, one of whom is DPs oldest/best friend.

He tries to say in advance when he's going to be staying over but it isn't always often possible. The work he does is creative and it depends a lot on if he's got the necessary inspiration/flow. The plan was that he'd be staying over on Wednesday night this week and he till will be.

The business is about 16 months old if that's relevant to anything.

DP does his very best to be home to eat with DD and I during the week. It's not easy for him to get away but he usually manages it.

I am lucky enough to be a SAHM to our DD (who is one on Wednesday) and am 11 weeks pregnant with DC2. I have no support from family or friends but DP does help out a bit with general tidying. He also gets up with DD one morning in the weekend so I can sleep a bit. I have a cleaner 3 hours a week.

My largely toxic/pathetic mother is coming to stay for a week as of tomorrow. It'll probably be fine/pleasant-ish but I'm not exactly looking forward to it.

DP and I have been having a bit of a tough time lately with some relationship ishooooos, but we're talking a lot and we'll get through it.

He is NOT having an affair. Yes, I am sure.

I AM hormonal

Where will he actually be sleeping? In the office.

YANBU, quite weird that he only thought to mention it now.

Yes in the office, it's a live/work unit and his BF is staying there ATM. There's a spare bed 'y see.

Yes, he should definitely have told you, and I think it's worth being cross with him so that he gets the message not to do it again. It's just the kind of thing that my dh would do and it is annoying. But it does sound like he's not deliberately set out to upset you so not a big deal in the general scheme of things.

Thanks BirdyArms. No, he definitely didn't set out to upset me (thank goodness).

It's just that it's something that has happened before and that he knows I have a problem with. Not that he has to stay unexpectedly, but that he doesn't let me know that he's going to have to stay unexpectedly.

God I'm hormonal! It does get better soon doesn't it...

I think he should have let you know. I don't think it is hard to tell someone what they are planning to do. My DH does stuff like this and it drives me nuts. It's not him not coming home that annoys me - it's him not bothering to tell me until I chase him up when it is clear he is not going to appear.