to ask mil to phone me before she bothers NHS direct again.

[cheshirekitty]

Mil is always phoning the doctors, or nhs direct, usually about 3 times a week about imaginary illnesses.

Yesterday she phoned nhs direct about weeping eyes. She says they sent an ambulance out to her but she cancelled it. Today she went to the docs who said there was nothing wrong with her eyes.

I have suggested she phones me if she has health worries (I am a reg nurse), as I feel her doc is going to get sick of her and strike her off his list. That way I could give her advice etc.

She said yes, thats a good idea, but is continuing to phone nhs direct, docs. Am I an interfering old bat? What would you do? Am worried she may cry wolf too often, and the time she needs them, may be ignored.

your right to get involved

is she elderly? is she part of a social worker scheme? it sounds like you need some proper advice, would the doctors have anyone who you could discuss this with?

She is elderly (85) and lonely. We live 90 miles away. She has always been one for phoning the doctor, but now I feel it is getting out of hand. She uses it like her social network.

Not sure what to do, as she has never liked me, so feel I cannot really have a heart to heart with her.

Are you sure she's telling the whole truth? I know NHS Direct err on the side of caution, but I honestly can't see them sending out an ambulance to anyone, elderly or otherwise, for weeping eyes.

Maybe this is some sort of cry for attention?

Yes, I thought that shitehawk. She does embroider the truth sometimes. Also you can never get to the bottom of her stories. She refuses to go to nit and nat (knitting group) etc. I think it is attention.

Will see what my sil says.

Difficult one . Is there anyone close by who she could call in an emergency, maybe Age Concern would have a local volunteer scheme? She sounds lonely and obviously you would n't want her not to call for help in a real emergency.

I have heard NHS Direct get paid per call , not sure if it is true.

A good GP would pick up on her usage and try to support her with all her problems, not just the medical ones. Would a home help or someone that goes into her home for a chat help? I'm sure they exist. Maybe age concern have some info?

She used to be really close to her old neightbours, but they sold their house. She has upset the new neighbours by charging £100 per week for putting scaffolding on her drive!

She could phone my sil in an emergency, but she does not get on with her either (we are the dils from hell).

PMSL! Diplomatic aswell!

You can send a note to her GP with your concerns (he won't reply though). Maybe he can arrange a HV to visit her? They are not just for the under 5's apparatly.

Mil has carer coming in every morning to make her bed and wash her feet. She has physio at hospital once a week. My sil takes her shopping every 2 weeks, and has her the first sunday every month, as they live a lot closer.

dh says she has always bothered the doc, but it is now getting beyond a joke.

Now I'm at a loss. Can you show her how to use facebook so she's not as isolated (or feel isolated)?

Agree that it was a cry for help - the whole cancelling the ambulance thing is iffy. They once sent an ambulance out for DS1 as a result of a call to NHS Direct (he was 19, had banged his head and passed out but was fine)- I felt it wasn't necessary and regretted ringing them, but once they've decided, that's it - an ambulance WILL arrive.

So I think your MIL may have embellished the tale (which in turn could mean she's exaggerating other stuff, like how often she actually is calling NHS Direct) but regardless I think some outside help is needed for her, if only opportunities for more company. Is there a Day Drop In type place nearby?

She wont't go to day drop in centre. She refuses to have dial a ride, and will not go in a taxi as the taxi driver might rape her (she said that).

She does exaggerate about things like this. Will have a pow wow with sil to see what we can do, but we both work full time so are free time is limited.

Does she speak to someone at least on the phone every day?

Yes she speaks to sil, or me. And chats to carer every day. She was very upset when she realised sil was not retiring when sil reached 60, as she thought sil would be able to 'wait on her' (her words again). Do feel she is lonely, and do feel a bit guilty, but cannot be in 2 places at once.

Re the taxis - lots of taxi firms (specifically the ones that do school runs) have police-checked drivers (the CRB thing). If you explained that the police had checked them out as definately definately non-rapists, would that get her into one?

No, I have said to her to get a company that has female drivers - no way. She wants a lift, but there is no one to give her one.

My mum was like this about lifts. Didn't want taxis, dial-a-ride, minibuses etc. Just wanted me and db to give her lifts everywhere. She said she felt unsafe with anything else.

My mum was incredibly independent until she got old, and would have scoffed at her own elederly behaviour. But, I think, increasing vulnerability comes with increasing age, and the desire to stick with familiarity becomes very strong.

I kow this doesn't make it easier, but it might make you understand where she is coming from