I would really like to know if I am.

[plantsitter]

The last 2 times I have visited my mum I have ended up with the norovirus and spent at least 3 days throwing up and pooing in her bathroom (actually last time we were on holiday with the whole extended family).

Now. On Wednesday my mum is graduating from her MSc and has asked me and my sister to come for the ceremony. Of course I want to do this. She lives quite far away so we will go up on Tuesday afternoon and stay over, so I've taken a couple of days off work to do it.

I am 29 weeks pregnant and mum has just said that the Norovirus is going round the school where she works. I don't want to use 3 more of my holidays puking, especially when I'm pregnant, so I asked my mum if she would take the day off work on Tuesday to make it less likely the germs will be hanging around her house when I arrive. She won't even consider it and says she can't.

She says she doesn't mind if I don't go but a) I don't believe her and b)I mind! And I mind a bit that she's less bothered about me not going than even the possibility of missing work.

So am I being really precious and ridiculous? Should I just risk it and go?

What does she do at the school? If she's a teacher & has to set work, etc., it's slightly different to miss time than if she's a dinner lady or whatever.

It's fair enough that you won't want to be so ill again, though.

eek thats a difficult one. If she knows the virus is going around it would be prudent of you to stay away. you cannot risk yourself or the baby by catching it. But thats just my opinon as I am pg too.

Seems very unlucky, are you sure she's not giving food poisoning

Can you stay in a Travelodge/Inn?

I'd go but stay in a hotel, you don't want norovirus whilst pregnant.

I'm sure the germs wont just be 'hanging around'. You sound very unlucky though, are you all washing your hands properly/frequently?

She is a teacher so I suppose it is a bit difficult. She doesn't actually teach much any more though as she is too important.

It is unlucky! After the first lot I'm pretty sure we're all careful about washing hands and stuff. I don't think it's food poisoning as it was going round both times I got it.

Am thinking I probably just won't go

YANBU in not wanting to catch the virus, but possibly a bit U in wanting her to take time off. I think you should not stay at her house if you do go and be absolutely rigorous about your own hygiene practices. There is a handspray you can get called NoGerms which is very effective - see here

I think you should just go and be extra careful about hygiene. Maybe even prepare your own food/eat out if you are really worried?

i think yabu, to expect your mum to take the day off, and to consider this a reason not to go.If you are that worried about germs when pg are you not leaving the house and sterilising everything
Germs are everywhere, i think you should support your mum

I think you're being a bit precious, actually - sorry.

Her taking the day off isn't going to make it any less likely that germs will be hanging around - and taking odd days off just isn't practical for someone who works in a school. Schools are notoriously awkward about taking time off outside of school holidays, and it really will be very hard for her to do this.

Plus there are germs absolutely everywhere. You are just as likely to pick something up wherever else you go as you are to pick something up from her.

Of course she minds if you don't go. You are her daughter, she will want you to be there and be proud of her.

It's true that germs are everywhere - and would be very unlucky if you were to get a virus three times running.

I can sympathise though as it's swept through our house in the last couple of weeks... all of us but dd how she came to be imune I have no idea!

I would go - be stringent in your hygene habits, avoid the kissing that goes along with meeting relatives and try to relax.

Had not thought about the handwash so thanks for that thumbwitch. I'm not generally hysterical about germs but I thought her taking a day off might avoid the norovirus ones coming home on her clothes - I'm not worried about her house because I'm sure it's cleaner than mine is.

Of course I want to support her but spending 3 days lolling about her house and intermittently puking in her bathroom is less supportive than going! And I suppose I'm a bit narked she won't even consider the idea of taking a day off. She's worked for this school since I was 3 so I know it is difficult though.Maybe I am being a bit petulant about it.

To be honest, I think it's a bit of both.

I think you're well within your rights to take the necessary precautions to avoid getting ill. In reality, I really doubt that the virus would harm the baby but I completely understand that that's not the whole point - being so ill at any time is never good, let alone when you're pregnant. & it's a good excuse for being super-careful; not staying at her house, for example, without causing offence.

On the other hand, I'm sure she'd love for you to be there & you want to go as well. It's not really fair to blame her for not taking time off - at a school it would be deemed unprofessional & is practically quite difficult to arrange, as I'm sure you know.

I don't think that you are being unreasonable on the whole, but there are definitely compromises to be made all round - she'll have to accept that you won't be staying with her, but you'll have to accept that her professionalism doesn't allow her a school day off 'just in case'.