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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

in wanting to see my dd at the weekend.

22 replies

snowaddict · 16/11/2008 19:57

Just a getting this off my chest really. I work all week, and look forward to spending time as a family at the w/end going to pictures etc. Just these last few weeks dd started going to bf house on fri night and staying until monday and then finally coming home after college mon teatime. they are in year 13 together at school. His parents have no problem with her being there all weekend, but we miss her sooo. much. anybody been in this sort of situation.

OP posts:

sleepycat · 16/11/2008 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 16/11/2008 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

compo · 16/11/2008 20:02

how old is year 13?

aGalChangedHerName · 16/11/2008 20:03

My ds1 went through a stage of this too when he was 16. It willwear off believe me and you will be back here moaning that she is doing your head in

cory · 16/11/2008 20:04

that's a 17/18yo.

So I'm afraid expecting to have her weekends to you is a bit of an impossible dream. She is a young woman with her own life to lead.

Original poster

snowaddict · 16/11/2008 20:21

Yes, I suppose cause shes a only child, in our eyes shes still our little girl. What makes it worse, up to about a year ago I would have been glad for her to be at friends all weekend as she was going through teenage thing - hating everying and everybody being boring etc. but since getting over that stage she has become really good company etc. I realise that eventually she will be moving out etc. but this stage has caught me out. not really ready for her having her own life away from us. suppose I feel a redundant mum.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 16/11/2008 21:16

Sorry but it is normal for a child ( well young woman) of that age to not spend time with her parents.

gracie101 · 16/11/2008 21:19

Wait till she goes out next Friday then change her bedroom into a home gym.

That'll learn her.

tiredsville · 16/11/2008 21:20

It is normal, but I still feel for you. x x

perty · 16/11/2008 21:20

I agree it's normal for her to have her own life but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to expect some time with her too. Maybe you could compromise and ask her to come home Sunday evening for Sunday dinner? You could even invite the BF back too so you aren't getting between them. Just that you want to actually see her and not just be used like a hotel.

Hulababy · 16/11/2008 21:22

I don't think it is unreasonable for you to want to spend tim with your daughter. Have you spoken t her about it?

My parents simply wouldn't have put up with the whole treating the house like a hotel, simple as that. It just wouldn't have been an option for me. It didn't harm me being expected to spend time home with my family either.

gracie101 · 16/11/2008 21:24

The chances are she'll fall out with this girl within

a few months and then she'll be begging to spend her

downtime coming with you to ASDA again. She's a teenage

girl. They're quite predictable sometimes. xx

TheSmallClanger · 16/11/2008 21:28

It's sad, but it is part of growing up for her.
Now she's old enough and you sound like you get on well, why not suggest going out for dinner and a glass of wine one night? My mum and I still do this when I'm down at hers and I hope DD and I will do the same when she's bigger.

Original poster

snowaddict · 16/11/2008 22:08

Thanks for your comments, yes we've had quite a few talks about it, about how I feel shes spoiling our family life, cause this is the third time its happened in about 4/5 weeks.
she says she realises how we feel about it and is sorry, but says she will be at home all week,I just wish she would break her time up a bit, and see her girl friends as well as boyfriend, just feel its a bit intense, they have been going out together since april

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 16/11/2008 22:10

are they taking precautions?

aww, you will always be her mum wherever she is, am in sympathy.

catweazle · 16/11/2008 22:14

I sympathise. My DD started this at 16 and moved in with her bf's family at 17. That was a shock.

justunaccomplishedmummy · 16/11/2008 22:18

Aw I feel for you I'm dreading this with my 2. I met DH when I was 16. I stayed one weekend and never went home. Not really what you want to hear that is it, sorry.

themoon66 · 16/11/2008 22:18

Aw it's horrible... DS spends his time at GF's house. This weekend he was off at 10am Saturday and has only just returned.

Portofino · 16/11/2008 22:20

Aw my dd is 4, but I was kind of like this at 16. It's scary and I feel for you. Really!

SlartyBartFast · 16/11/2008 22:20

just need to put it into perspective - what were you doing at 16?

SlartyBartFast · 16/11/2008 22:21

or 17 even

FfreckleFface · 17/11/2008 16:52

I did exactly the same when I started going out with Bloke (I was 17, he was 23). My mum was upset, just as you are, and I explained that I went to his because we could (braces self, gets hard hat ready) share a bed. She agreed that he could stay in my bed, but only on the weekends, and I started spending time there again.

That was nine years ago, and we're now married with two dogs and little Ff.

Flip