to have taken offence at this "friend?"

[onthepier]

My dh says I'm being oversensitive, but he hasn't been around when I've encountered her snubs!

When our dc's first started school, we'd always walk up together, our dc's were often in each other's houses + we'd regularly have coffees together while they played.

Our children are almost 10 now, + in the last year I've noticed a real change in my friend.

If my dc's approach her at the school gate I see her expression, eye rolling + muttering "for god's sake" to herself, or whoever she's standing with. (She's always kept herself to herself though, so she's not often with anybody)!

If she drives past us (or me on my own), I see her mutter to her daughter + almost sneer, before waving + putting on a false smile.

We live very close, so it's not unusual to bump into her in the newsagents, I'm wary of starting up conversation with her now, but of course my daughter goes straight over chatting + it's obvious she doesn't want to know! She doesn't think I notice all this but I've seen her so much over the years that I can't fail to!

She popped round with a birthday present for my ds recently which surprised me, although we've always exchanged presents. I chatted with her + my dh commented later on how stilted I seemed, I said I didn't mean to be but I find it hard to feel as relaxed with her now.

For years I was always the first person she called on if she was running late somewhere, needed me to pick up her children, etc + I always helped her out.

Just feel a bit said that the friendship seems to have fizzled out, but I wouldn't know how to broach the subject with her. Nothing has happened between us, I just feel she finds us as a family irritating!

Would this make anybody else feel uncomfortable or would you just be able to act the same?

Why do you think she rolls her eys and FGS's all over the place when she sees your or your DC's?

That's not a nice thing to happen to you, I would ask her if everything's ok between you both, see how she responds, she may have her chance to get off her chest whats bothering her.

Well. If it was me, I would probably feel very uncomfortable and upset about this, then I would start to feel slighted and angry and eventually act the exact same way she's behaving. Just leave when you bump into her and absolutely do not so her any more favours. She sounds like she's using you when she needs you and barely tolerates you when she doesn't. Not a friend in my book.

yanbu to feel sorry about the lost friendship but if you think it's a worthwhile relationship you need to talk about it with her face to face
perhaps she has something going on in her life and wants/needs time on her own???

i would imagine she's got in with new crowd at school and its just so amusing how adults revert to being children themselves

i would as best as i can be polite but not go out of my way to talk to her you have both obviously moved in different ways to each other shes reveryting to being childish

smaile and look away if you see her say hi and quickly move on dont allow her to make you feel belittled put the ball in your court if its been strained last yr then it was obvious the friendship wasnt a keeper so just be polite and move on

Wonder if somebody else has been bitching about you to her. I think you need to ask her what has changed.

been there im afraid and the only reasonable way around it is to not broach it because you are not likely to like what excuses she will limply throw at you. The only answer for me was to cut ties.

This was very difficult as i had been very good friends when my "friend" began to do what you describe in your post. I missed her company allot.
But she was making me feel quite ill, as you say, i began to feel very very uneasy and uncomfortable and worried every time i knew that we would have any contact, even if only at the school gates.
There was no reason, we had not fallen out, had difference of opinion nothing. She just did what you describe (they are not the same person are they??)

I stayed pleasant, said morning etc, but nothing else, no other conversation.
I think that my friend was releived that she didnt have to put up with me any more.

I am funny about friendships now, do not get involved with other people etc.
What were you planning to do about it? were you going to approach her?

I think what I would do would depend on how strong the friendship was to start with. If it really bothers you then have it out with her. But if you feel cutting your losses would be better and less painful, do that. It's very upsetting when people start behaving this way with no apparent reason....sorry for you.

Walk away. If she's being like that just stop acknowledging her.

When we moved here 3 years ago, dd made close friends with a girl in her class. This girl was over here at least 3 times a week after school and when we dropped them off in the morning her mum would often come home with me and we'd drink coffee and chat half the morning. DD went to her place about twice. We went on days out together and did all sorts of things. Then suddenly, dd's friend wasn't allowed to come and play any more - it wasn't actually said, but the excuses had to be heard to be believed (and not even then!). Even so, this woman would collar me in the street and chat away as if nothing had happened, though she avoided me like the plague around the school. Having spent months in each other's company, I could think of no reason at all why she had suddenly changed and why she was all sunshine and light except around the school.

I never got to the bottom of it, and frankly don't care. I have decided the woman has a personality disorder (!) and is mad. I don't want to know her and her daughter is no longer welcome at our house. Bit mean really as they're still friends but dd now has much better friends anyway.

Sometimes it's better to just cut your losses. Some people are a waste of time.

Thanks for your posts, it sounds as though several of you have been in the same situation!

Little Bella, I've been trying to think of reasons why she's acting this way. To be honest one reason may be that my son (who's autistic by the way), can be quite hard to understand, he wants to chat all the time but you really have to get down to his level to be able to communicate with him, (poss irritating for her?) Also my dd is quite different to hers although they're friends. She's quite a young 10 year old, (my dd), still loves pantomimes, parties, playcentres etc, + is often full of what we've done over the weekend. Her dd is already into make-up etc, + is quite reserved, seems a lot older than her years!

Thinking about me + her, one difference is that she drives + I don't. I'm a regular user of public transport/taxis/walking (+ happy with that)! She thinks all that is a lot of hassle + doesn't even walk a 5 min. distance, she gets in her car!

She's not at all interested in social events at the school, Meet the Teacher evenings, fetes etc, whereas I tend to go to most of those + am therefore quite involved.

Thinking about it we do have a lot of differences which I never thought were a problem, I'm just wondering if she's always thought negatively of us + maybe used to hide it more! I don't think I'll broach it with her, have come to the conclusion that she's quite 2-faced under the surface + maybe it's not worth it.

It may seem silly to say this but I had a friend when I was little, and her mum was like this, what I now notice as a grown up is that she treated her dd as a friend.

So my suggestion would be that, shes now great mates with her dd, and the thing they seem to have in common and what bonds them in a similar way is the mutterings about you. Her dd can be all grown up with her mum when they chat about you, and its a kind of weird bonding thing, may sound weird, but seems to be centered around her dd, and you are saying she is growing up quickly, maybe her mum has encouraged this as they are little "Fwends" now.

Nowt stranger than folk!

Call me prejudiced but she sounds like just the kind of woman I'd dislike...

This could be right, colacubes, as I remember her dd when she was about 8, telling me that her + her mum didn't like their neighbour as she always moaned about her husband!

Seemed very grown up then for an 8 year old to be saying!!

Never met as many nutters before kids started school as I have since .......great relief when they started secondary school and I didn't have to get involved any more - the primary school playground is truly a dangerous place . I'm left with a small group of friends I'm confident I'll still have in ten years time but it's taken a while and a lot of these experiences to get to that point. I'm not tough enough to confront people and I think sometimes they've just made up their minds that you've done something - tough on the kids though, and not the best example to set!