to feel i need to take some time off?

[Quadrophenia]

my dp is leaving on tuesday, I guess less of the dp and more of the exp from now on. We have been together for 10 years, have four wonderful children but have just reached the end. Things came to a head about a month ago, actually probably a bit more than that, and I asked him to leave. The last month has been incredibly surreal, we have carried on existing alongisde eachother whilst he prepares to move in to his new flat. Consequently i haven't really dealt with any of the emotional issues, people keep saying how strong i'm being etc, I even went with him to buy new flat stuff. As it gets closer deep down i feel like I'm beginning to crumble bit by bit, feeling physically sick, just beginning to feel really overwhelmed byu the magnitude of what is about to happen. Anyway this aside i work in a residential care unit, on a shift i am considered a senior staff member and run the shifts when the shift manager is not around. The thing is increasingly my shift manager is taking on more work as she is struggling financially, she often goes off early or takes herself off shift and leaves me to run things, often with an unexperienced team under me. She is working more hours but i am suffering as a consequence. I have just been at work and she has been in tears over various issues, she has gone home early again, and I honestly don't think i can keep carrying her atm. I feel i need to take time off, but am presenting as strong whilst at work as she leaves me no choice, i am dreading every shift and on top of everything else that is happening i'm not sure how much i can take She does know of my personal circs as does my boss as i am very open and honest. I feel a little bit resentful as if i don't work, i don't get paid and under normal work circumstances i could cope but as things stand and with the extra pressure i feel i'm going to be left with no choice...just really don'ty know what to do

It would really help you if you went to your GP and had a talk to him about this and how you are feeling. He can sign you off if he thinks it's apropriate and you should be able to get sick pay for this.

You are having a horrid time. You need space and time to adjust to all the changes that are happening in your life and only you can do this. It will work out but it's a bumpy road while you get there. Have a chat to your GP. She/he'll be able to help.

I'm sending you a huge hug!

you dont get paid....you mean overtime?

sorry to hear of your troubles, i would ask for two months part time if you could afford it.

i think to stay at home 24/7 after exps move may actually leave you feeling isolated and alone and depressed - i thin part time - or perhaps even a 4 day week take a monday or a friday if you can arrange it - say something to do with childcare - tell them its a take it or leave it thing - as they are pretty desperate it sound like they will take it. tell them its short term - 4 day week for 6 months

thankyou, I would consider going to the gp but ssp wouldn't compnesate for my loss in wages, it would be about a third a week i think as my work don't pay anything other than ssp. This close to xmas and starting out on my own i just can't afford not to be earning for too long and if i got signed off it would be for a longer period, thank you though and the hug helped

Agree on talking to your gp - xxx

You should go anyway. There may be other ways they can help. Counselling or otherwise just to help you through this.

no Custy we don't get sick pay at all except for statutory. I currently only do 30 hours but its shifts and weekend etc, it's really hard to deal with the emotional needs of the client group when you don't feel too great yourself, i think that worries me, breaking down in front of a resident etc.

I would lay it out to your manager as you have said here.

You are being proffessional despite your own circumstances and work can often act as an escape it should not be (at your level of seniority) an extra stress.

YANBU

There are EU laws regarding the hours that are worked should you need official back up. Also in the caring professions there is a duty of care for the residents and if she is not fit to work she shouldn't be on shift

wish you all the best must be horrible xx

I think i will do Avena, there are lots of issues I need to deal with at some point

Babalon, I have spoken with manager as she is one of my best friends (which actually makes the whole thing harder as I have a stronger sense of loyalty to her). If my shift manager goes off ultimately though that will mean i have to cover her as there won't be anyone else trained to do it, cretianly not in the immediate future.

ie yesterday i had the day off, phone call at 9.30 from best friend saying they are really stuck and need an extra pair of hands, anyone else i wouldn't have gone in but becasue she phoned me i did.

I think Custardo is right being at home 24/7 may not be right for you once the dust settles a bit. You know yourself if you can be on your own when the proverbial hits the fan. I would take a few days off next week though, personally. Good luck with the work situation and remember your new life starts here. ((((((((())))))))))))

I think Custy is deffo right regarding that , being at home all the time would be horrendous, i only really want a couple of days i think, specifically as i am due to work the day he is moving out, i feel i need to be there for my children.

it doesn't even feel right that i'm typing these posts..it's all so surreal.

Sorry for some reason my computer didn't show all posts previously hence my slightly off post. It doesn't seem fair people leaning on you at a time like this. You do need to get away if you can. x

I really feel for you, maybe as Avena says trying to resolve/ thrash out other issues will begin to help you settle again at work. It's always tricky when friendships are interlinked with work but it's all give and take

I know your whole life is changing atm but maybe a change in work place might be the way forward

thanks inneedofsleep

friendships certainly can blur the lines somewhat my best friend would certainly undertsand there is no question of that at all, i guess in some ways i'm scared that taking time off gives the impression I am not in control and for some reason at the moment it is important I at least look like i'm coping.

(btw a new direction is certainly where i want to be this time nest year, can't chnage everything all at once my head would explode )

Do you not have any annual leave you can take? Do you get paid for extra shifts you do such as that you described recently? Or can you take time off in lieu at another time to make up?

While I realise how difficult it probably is to tackle, I'm concerned that your shift manager is taking on extra work, presumably for extra pay, and then not doing her main job properly, as I understand it.

elkiedee yes that is it in a nutshell re my shift manager

I wonder if they would let me take time off in lieu rather than charging for the extra hours i have worked in this period,hmmm definately worth considering thanks

You poor thing. It must be awful, but if you can just get through the next week that will be the first step and just take it one step at a time after that. I always have to remind myself of this whenever I'm facing something (seemingly) insurmountable. Of course it seems surreal, this is YOUR life you are posting about. But you will get there. Because you have to.

inneedofsleep i have been doing that, each shift i just keep thinking of it as a small challnege...just 7.5 hours to get through. This week will be the toughest of my life I'm sure but this time next week it will be
the start of anew one.

Oh honey,
You shouldn't have to put a front on, I'm sure you a coping as well as you can under the huge pressure you must be feeling. But added pressures are really not on.

Do re direct your energy certainly doesn't mean you are out of control, just sensible

I like that way of looking at it babalon cheers