to be annoyed that DH has signed up for a ridiculous sporty thing that it going to take over his life for half of 2009.

[neolara]

He's just signed up for a half ironman - that is a 1.2 mile swim, followed by a 56 mile cycle, followed by a 13 mile run.

OK, there will be perks. He will have great abs and be even more fit (in all senses of the word).

However, it is going to take over his life, and therefore mine. He won't see as much of the kids or me as he will have to train for hours and hours and HOURS each week.

He says he does not think he will have to train that much, but he mentioned that on average it takes competitors around 7 hours to complete the race. Even if he primarily trains only in one discipline each day, at some point he is going to have to put it all together and go for long outings. And when he is out training, I will be home alone looking after kids.

I should say that he is unfailingly supportive of anything that I want to do and I feel mean not wanting him to do it, but I think he does not really understand what it involves. In my distant past I ran a marathon and that took over my life for a few months. He is already fit enough to do a full triathalon but I think to do a half ironman he is going to have to pull out all the stops.

Actually, maybe I am being unreasonable. Can't decide. What do you all think?

YABU. Clearly he is having a mid life crisis. Just wait til you get yours...

I think Y(Possibly)ABU I can understand both sides.

your's - you are with dc's the most (I assume) and weekends and evenings is your time to share the responsibility and also get a break and also for your dc's to spend time with their daddy.

his - he completes somethign he wants to do and that makes him feel good and happy.

I can see there will be quite a few benefits for you in this so maybe if you remember these you will find it easier.......

Happy husband = happy wife and dc's, if you help him out he will more likely do more for you and dc's when he is there.

He will be fitter and hopefully therefore live longer.

He will be greatful for your support and you can be more equal as you said he fully supports you when you do things you like so only fair you return the favour.

it won't be forever 6mths soon flies by.

My DH has a sporting hobby that takes up alot of time

He is just 100x better than normal when he is here, and makes up for it then.

And at least he's not just going to turn into one of these men who sits in the pub night after night wasting money and not seeing his family.

Hmm. I have a DH who couldn't see why I would want him to cut down on his football when DS was born. Saturday afternoons, Sunday mornings, usually one night in the week for 5-a-side, family days ruled out in the season. He too was unfailingly supportive and did suggest that I get out and do something myself, to which the reply remains - WHEN???

What are your home commitments? Unless it's really difficult to deal with on a normal level, I'd say YABU. It's important to have interests outside the home, and at least he's not taken up gambling as a pastime.

While I appreciate that he is not gambling the family home away or coming back drunk from the pub on a regular basis, I suppose I'm annoyed because I would not consider for a moment doing something that would involve me being out 3 evenings and a good half day each week. And I would't do it because I wouldn't think that would be fair on him. Even though he would probably encourage me to do it if I really wanted to.

when i read op i thought YABU .

however it sounds like it is not just a matter of time that bothers you, it is also because you feel like he doesn't support you at all.

it also sounds like perhaps you are annoyed as you feel you could probably do it as you are the sporty one and maybe you feel resentful that he is taking on something you'd love to do?

to feel these things is NBU- totally understandable.

i think there is more to this than him missing nights at home. it sounds like you feel for taken granted and that you are missing out. if so, you need to tell him.

Well if its any consolation my DH is a golfer - that is his job. He works at that 6 days a week including EVERY Saturday AND Sunday. In his spare time he plays golf. All his buddies are golfers. He reads golf magazines and books and the only thing he watches on TV is golf. Most of our social events revolve around the PGA list of golfing fixtures which is issued around March time each year which means we cannot plan a holiday until we know (a) what he has to be in work for (b) what he has to play in (c) what he wants to watch on TV. I cant knock it too much though cause all that golf gives us a reasonable lifestyle and keeps him happy. Jesus Christ - as I'm typing this I realise how sad my life is. I NEED TO GET A LIFE! I'm goin to Tenerife for a week on Tuesday with my friend - he's takin a week off from golf!

I think you're being naturally worried rather than unreasonable, if you were really being unreasonable you would be ranting at him rather than on here!!

DH got a mountain bike at the beginning of the summer and I was worried about the time commitment on all the rides he was planning. However he rode it through a pyracantha and since then has spent more time repairing punctures than riding it

Good for him, he's helping protect him and you from the effects of heart disease, high BP etc as LMG says!

Could you get involved & encourage him to take up a 'smart' training programme rather than loads of junk miles which don't have a real purpose (you could research either tritalk.co.uk or 220 magazine, as both are great sources of info). That way he'll reduce the risk of injury AND have more time and energy to spend quality time with you and the family. How old are your kids ? Could they cycle alongside while Dad's running ? Mess around in the pool while he's slogging through lengths then have family lunch?

Also, DO take time for yourself, I'm only too aware of how short life can be right now - it's a cliche, but still valid, live everyday as if it's your last.
Perhaps you could plan a great holiday after the race or organise a camping/B&B holiday around the race - is it the UK half? It's a beautiful part of the world if so.

neolara, did he tell you that it's traditional to get an ironman tattoo when he completes it? Apparently, they all do. I only know this second hand. DH and I are like Wayne and Waynetta Slob at the moment.

Am liking the pyracantha option.....

Glitterchick - you are a much kinder wife to your dh than I am to mine!

I think actually the real problem is that I feel that it is all a bit lopsided and he gets to go out and have all the fun. I've had two weekends away by myself with friends in the last four years. I usually have only two hours to myself in the weekend and I only occasionally go out during the week by myself to meet friends. I think I would be happier about him doing the half ironman if I had an equal amount of time to myself doing what interests me. At the moment, I just see it as unfair. And actually you are all right, there is nothing wrong in him going out and doing it - provided I get to have the same kind of freedom! (Kids are 4 and nearly 2 so I'm past the soul-destroying-lack-of-sleep phase, but having dh around definitely makes life a lot easier.)

Will tell him about the tattoo. Might put him off!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Its a huge commitment and you are not saying to him to not ever do it, just not right now when the kids are small. I've got one toddler who is nearly 2.5ys and man, by the weekends I'm so ready for DH to be there to share the load. If he wanted to do something like that, I can quite honestly say, I would flip..even his work shifts are causing some problems as they are impacting on quality family time so much.

And in all honesty, its very easy for them to smile and say oh honey, I'd support you if you were to do the same - but hey, we all know that if we said ok and went and did whatever it was, we would leave them ashen faced with shock at the door and come back to chaos!

let him try it out and see where it all goes!

When is he training for it...at bedtime between work and rest time for him...or when his chores are done...

Coming at this from the perspective of having a dh who works away all week, I don't think your dh is asking too much, tbh.
Particularly as you say he is very supportive of anything you want to do.

YA so NBU.
Wonderful that your dh wants to spend all that time getting fitter, being wonderfully healthy, outside, having a social life.....
you however, will spend the next 6 months struggling on your own with your lovely but v.v. young dc's, becoming more and more frazzled and knackered.
Sounds really fair!

Tell him that some of the best training is pushing a child around in a buggy while jogging - extra resistance! Then you can palm off your nearly 2 year old onto him for a few hours.

No tattoo allowed unless he completes the FULL ironman!!!

It won't be as bad as you think. How old are the children and how old is your DH?

My dh has done two marathons now and his training barely impacted on us. He used to get up really early etc.

He still harbours an ambition to do an Ironman so I won't be showing him this thread .

The training when he puts it all together will not be very much, just a bit towards the end and he won't do the whole distance even as a practice.

See how it goes. If he trains like my dh your will have no reason to complain.