to not want to travel 5 hrs to his parents house again over christmas!

[flake]

my h and i have this prob every yr last yr i said i would go for xmas but it was last year! i am doing this as i dont like being stuck in car and not fair on kids really age 8 and 9 yrs. His dad is 80 yrs and does not want to drive fly or train to us(his mum would come in a flash but she feels she has to do what her h wants)
Now same prob again with my H saying we really should go and he doesnt know how long his parents will be arround ect.I do understand this but i just would like to do what i want , we are already traveling after xmas to see his brothers family as they have kids similar age so i dont want to do 2 big trips over xmas. He makes me feel so guilty about this am i being unreasonable?

YANBU - Could you not go for the weekend before Christmas or after?

I understand your reluctance but I also understand your oh feelings. It could well be his parents last Christmas. Yes, they could be around for another 5, but if you had a crystal ball and knew it was their last you'd be pulling out all the stops to spend some time with them.

Could your brothers family visit you instead? Would make one less journey.

I'm not saying that you are not being understanding, but if you turned it around and it was your parents that may well not be around for much longer, would you feel any different?

We have the same issue each year and spend Christmas in the car.Its rubbish.This year we are staying home and are really looking forward to it.We are seeing family before and after..Could you do that instead?(my Dad is 78 BTW, similar to your FIL)

DH is right.It could be his parents last Christmas and all that.But it probably wont be all being well.And by that rationale you will be doing this every year for years to come.Also without being a doom monger, it could be anyones last Christmas really if you think about it.Who knows what will happen?I think its fair to have a year on and a year off.

thanks this has been going round and round in my head i know i being selfish not wanting to do the drive again as we have done it since having the kids and i dont really look forward to it atall but i think it has become an expectation now and hard to break this . my h has 2 brothers and a sister but we are the only ones who go at xmas!and we live the furthest away too.I did say we could go during the feb hols instead to spread it all out a bit coz i have family to that live nearby and i dont get much time to see them because we always traveling.
i really dont know what to do? 1 yr on 1 yr off sounds like good compromise tho

christmas ALWAYS brings this

you spend more time rushing around trying to please people

i personally think that your fil is being selfish not to travel up by train or fly- esp if it is 5hrs drive for you

but then you have the guilt thingif you dont go

could you not get dh brother to go and stay/visit same time as you will, esp if you live furthest away, they must live between you and mil and fil

hence seeing them both, and killing 2 birds with one stone?

Thanks, not enough room for us all plus 80yr old grandad gets v grumpy if too much going on esp kids making normal kids noise, even tho he is healthy and active likes things his own way hence why he wont come here!may be we all will get like that one day with age? scarey.we already arranged to see his bro family at meet up point half way for both at v costly center pks prices!

What is their health like? If there is no reason for them not to travel, it makes you look more reasonable.

FWIW we have not had family Xmas for the last 2 years - 2 years ago we were having DS2 (born on 22nd but you can't predict these things, so we had quiet Xmas with the 4 of us. Nice but wierd). Last year we were abroad. Would quite like to do that again, but we will be at home with my Dad (67) and DHs parents (mid 70s) all travelling to us. Def makes life easier not travelling for us (recognised by all GPs) particularly as I am workign on 24th. Not sure how I'll organise the turkey, but that is not for this thread!

I think YANBU. Sounds like you have proposed various options and compromises.

His parents are both in v good health and could easily come.(his mum would love too)
gosh, sounds like you will have busy xmas cooking and working too but nice all coming to yours i'm sure they will all help out hopefully. we did lots of the prep peeling ect night before when we had lots for dinner one year worked quite well. i love being at home around xmas thats why i dont want to go not the same staying in someone else house.

I think if your in laws have FOUR children then it is completely reasonable for you not to go every year. I think you should have put your foot down way before this, tbh.
But, its never too late to start!

I'd put my foot down if I was you. Good luck! I'll be delegating

Just stand up to your dh and say no, Once you done it once, it gets easier. It's just the first time that's hard.

I konw he is lucky to have both his parents still. i supose apart from my selfish reasons (not wanting to be in the car packing ect at busy time of year)its the kids that have to be on best behaviour as their home like a show home and there isnt much to do in winter there to occupy them with so best behaviour doesnt last long when boredom strikes! and grandad gets uptight so i feel uptight too, much calmer for kids to be at home for xmas we have tried to persuade him to come to us but he gets cross and wont budge.

Well all you can do is issue the invite, if they won't come that's their problem. And if they are fit and well they could well be around for all the remaiing christmases you have with your kids at home - and do you want NEVER to have had the kind of family Christmas you want?
Its not like you are excluding them, or they have no other options.