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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my boyfriend should decline being best man?

24 replies

birmingh55 · 14/11/2008 10:53

well, my husband has been asked to be best man for one of his best friends, it is a good thing appart from the fact that a few years ago he had sex with his friends future wife...it was before i met him or the couple got toghether but AIBU to think that everybody will be talking about the fact that the best man and the bride had a thing?...by the way the groom has his brother as best man too..

OP posts:
Tortington · 14/11/2008 10:54

if they aren't weird about it - they should have what they want on their weding day

LucifersLeftEyebrow · 14/11/2008 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PavlovtheCat · 14/11/2008 10:56

YABU. If it is known and open, there is clearly no issue with it If the bride to be is fine with it, then no big deal.

Buda · 14/11/2008 10:56

Why would everyone be talking about it?

BitOfFun · 14/11/2008 10:57

I think "everybody" will probably mind their own business actually- the bride's sex life isn't usually the topic of jokes during the speeches in polite society y'know

DarrellRivers · 14/11/2008 10:58

No, fine, was long before they got together
I was bridesmaid at my BF's wedding and had gone out with her fiancee before she did, although we had only snogged and gone on a few dates.
Am very fond of them both, and no0-ne mentioned it.

tiredemma · 14/11/2008 10:58

cant see why anyone would be bothered.

My BF got married 5 years ago, she had had 'liasions' with 3 of the ushers in the past. No one is really interested.

Perhaps you are the one that is uncomfortable with it?

NomDePlume · 14/11/2008 10:59

FGS, it was before any of the couples got together. If the couple are fine and your marriage is fine then you shouldn't be thinking twice about it.

Is he your boyfriend or you husband ?!

Carmenere · 14/11/2008 11:01

Oh come on, if we all operated by those criteria TONS of people wouldn't be able to have their bf's as their best men/bridesmaids
Chill out and enjoy the day.

Original poster
birmingh55 · 14/11/2008 11:01

oh no luciferslefteyebrow ( what a name!) its nothing like that at all but i have heard a few jokes in the past from some of his friends about it ( the fact they slept together)as ( and i dont mean this in a horrible way) she is not very attractive so knowing that has hapened before i would hate to hear that again..

OP posts:
roobarbschmoobarb · 14/11/2008 11:02

YABU...if they're happy with the arrangemant then dont see what the big deal is.

2 best men though? Never known anyone to have 2 best men lol

similarhere · 14/11/2008 11:02

Name changed as I don't like to join in with sex threads, but my DH and my maid of honour once got together in our crazy teenage pasts. I'd prefer that it hadn't happend to be honest but it's never been an issue as this was before we got together.

I suppose some mutural friends from back then would have known at the wedding but I like to think that they'd have better things to talk about on the most important day of our lives.

So yup YABU, doubt anyone will remember and if so would be too polite to bring it up.

LucifersLeftEyebrow · 14/11/2008 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnarchyAunt · 14/11/2008 11:08

I was bridesmaid for close friends last year - I had had a six month relationship with the groom five years earlier.

The best man had slept with the bride and the groom in their wild teenage pasts...

Nobody was remotely bothered by it.

Saturn74 · 14/11/2008 11:10

I assume the guests won't be handed a list of the bride and groom's previous sexual partners as they arrive at the ceremony?

If so, I can't see it being a problem.

I would imagine that there will be more on everyone's mind than the fact that your husband and the bride have a past.

pingping · 14/11/2008 11:10

YABU!

ledodgy · 14/11/2008 11:11

Better he's the best man than someone else who may bring up their colourful past in his speech!

AnarchyAunt · 14/11/2008 11:12

In fact now I think about it both the bridesmaids had slept with the groom.

It really didn't matter though, they are a solid couple who have a lot of shared history with their close friends. I don't see why it would bother you in the slightest.

lilibet · 14/11/2008 11:12

Bil had someone who had slept with the bride as his best man. No Big deal - YABU

kayzisexpecting · 14/11/2008 11:12

YABU, I doubt anyone but you will even think about it on the day.

What her looks have to do with anything I don't know.

VinegarTits · 14/11/2008 11:17

Yep, agree YABU, its in the past, thats where its should stay, the groom has asked your dh to be his best man so he obviously doesnt have an issue with it, seems like the only person who is bothered by it is you. You are being silly.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/11/2008 11:19

tbh i think you are worrying about nothing

if the bride and grrom know about it and STILL asked him then i dont see the problem

friend had 2 best men as didnt want to choose and he said his bride had 4 bridesmaids

sil was walked down the aisle by my dh and bil and dad wasnt about

let your dh do his duites and enjoy the day

and yes least he can make sure the speech doesnt have any tasteless jokes in it

Simplysally · 14/11/2008 11:19

I think in today's society, this is nothing unusual and nothing to worry about. If we could only be friends with people you hadn't slept with or snogged then a lot of people would probably be Billy No Mates.

RaspberryBlower · 14/11/2008 13:09

Part of DH's best man's speech was how DH had stolen all his girlfriends (not me)!

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