Picking up someone else's baby

[Kimmy1080]

Just wanted your thoughts... I was at a play group with my two year old today and an au pair started up a conversation with my daughter, asking her name etc then she started talking to me. She hadn't been in the area for long and was telling me how she had met some lovely new friends here etc. We were chatting away and there was a little baby in his car seat gurgling away. She turned her attentions to him whilst saying to me how much she loved babies (her chargee was about three years old and playing contently by herself). This AP started putting her head inside the car seat making cute faces at this baby when suddenly, the happy baby's expression changed... he seemed frightened so the AP backed off. He was once again content but she went back again making cute faces at him quite close to his face and this time, he screamed his poor heart out. She promptly picked him up and started cuddling him, as his mum came over. The mum kind of hovered awkardly wondering what was going on. The AP was still holding the crying baby and was asking the mum how old he was, his name etc. I felt so embarrassed that I walked away...

If this was my baby, I would have taken him back straight away and been very shocked that someone I didn't know had done that. AIBU to feel that way? I've seen the AP in there before so she is obviously a regular so maybe some mums wouldn't have minded as it was a place full of carers and parents and the AP clearly loved babies and did it as a reaction.

I only ask this question as the other day, my husband mentioned I am sometimes too over-protective with my own two children - would much rather that than not give two hoots!!!!

Kimmy xx

i wouldnt mind it.

I wouldn't have been to freaked out if the intentions were all good- but I can see where you're coming from.

oh but it is natural to want to pick up a cryign baby, presumably being an AP rather than a mum she didnt realise any boundaries might exist.

true... didn't think about it from that stance.

Where's the au pair from? In some other countries, picking up someone's baby is quite natural and normal - perhaps the AP didnt understand the "etiquette" of this country where you have to be invited to hold someone else's baby (arguable whether that's a good or bad thing).

I personally wouldnt have minded but YANBU to mind if it were your baby - it is after all, YOUR baby.

I wouldn't mind someone picking up my crying baby, but I would/do expect people to hand my crying child straight back to me...tis my mothering instincts y'know

Wouldn't have bothered me in fact it happened today, left DD3 in one room in car seat whilst taking DD2 to toilet came back and one of the Grannies had DD3 out her seat and was taking her snowsuit off, she did say was it OK she was crying, I said it was fine. I do kind of know her though.

Why had the mum left her baby? Why was baby alone strapped in a car seat by somebody else?

wouldnt bother me but then I am the type to have probably picked the baby up if it was upset and I had been interacting with it fo a little while.

Sorry, hadn't made it completely clear. We were all in one big room and the mum of the baby also had a toddler who she was interracting with whilst the baby was in eye-shot distance.

Looks like I am definately the minority here but I am so glad I posted because it is really refreshing to hear so many of you would welcome a near stranger comforting your baby. I guess it's just not the world I was raised in but it would be a nice one if I was!

Think I was a bit miffed as the baby was so happy gurgling to himself and the AP who, I must add, was trying to have a little play with him but he clearly didn't like it but I don't think she read the signs. Could that have perhaps been a ploy to get him out of his car seat for a cuddle? Who knows... either way, it was harmless, was just interested in how you would feel if it was your baby and you have kindly answered.

Thank you!

I have picked up a crying baby before at toddlers if its mum has had to cross the other side of the room to get there rather than leaving it crying but have always handed it back straight away. Or had the baby stopped crying when she picked him up?

No, baby screamed even louder when she was holding him. He was clearly frightened. The thing that bothered me was she still kept on talking to the mum whilst holding the baby and the mum was sort of hovering, as though she was trying to find a way to get her baby back. That was when I had to walk away, just felt really uncomfortable. I guess if the mum just took her baby back, then it might have been less embarassing.

I think I'd have felt a bit uncomfortable too. Wouldn't mind if a familiar (not necessarily known) person picked my crying baby up but would expect her passed back with a 'she was crying' remark or something.

I would have been uncomfortable. It does sound rather like the au pair created the situation, and wasn't just responding to a sad child. Mind you, if i had been the mum I would have asked for the baby back rather than putting up with it. If my baby is crying I'd rather have him in my arms than anyone else holding him, even someone I know well.

Exactly!!!!!!!!

I know I'm possesive - and I would have just taken my baby off the au-pair. I do think we do things very differently in this country to other countries, though. I guess the AP was trying to be friendly and polite, adn it didn't quite work.