To expect my brother to grow up and stop scrimping off my parents.

[horseshoe]

So it's mostly their fault....they let him get away with it. But he's 26yrs old. Never had a proper job. Now works 4 days a week. Mum and Dad pay for everything. If I pop round for a takeaway, it is split in half. Me and kids pay ours. Mum pays hers,dads and brothers.

He constantly claims he's skint (pays them no rent) yet asked me to pay a bill for him and gave me a statement for details and had over £6000 in there.

My BIG problem is his attitude with it. He has no life/no girlfriend and has become a mini version og my victor meldrew dad. He has even thrown me out of the family home when he was in a mood once. I spoke to my parents but they cant see an issue. At 26yrs I think they should at least give him some knowledge of how hard life is.

I am getting increasingly annoyed, they want to retire but cant afford it. It is putting a big wedge between me and my parents as I dont feel I can pop round there anymore without pre-booking (He makes comments when we turn up so I just dont bother).

AIBU

just thinking about what Lauriefairycake said - shes' right this is the demographic which is most at risk from suicide but i think this is the very reason parents need to be tough as well as loving and understanding. Thinking of my own family, there was a time when we were all terrified my brother was going to take his own life. That was around the time he moved back in with my mum and dad, who understandably wanted to look after him and keep a close eye on him and get him on medication and off cocaine. Thank god he seems to be out of the worst now, although he still behaves pretty strangely.

A year on from all this and he's still at home. Ok, it's only a year and people take along time to recover, but sometimes i think always having somewhere to fall back on is what is keeping him in this depressive cycle. Obviously it's terrifying for the parents involved because you don't want to say 'it's time to move out' in case you trigger the problem again

This is just like my cousin, has lived with either my aunt or my gran on and off ( depending on who he had fallen out with!) Now has a flat with his girlfriend and both on the dole but regularly spins my gran stuff about having jobs but not getting paid (this happens on an almost weekly basis and if true must make him the MOST unlucky employee in the world )

He has now sunk to a new low, not only scrounging money of my gran (we knew he did this) but leaving her in a position where she borrowed from a neighbour (she is a v proud lady ) and then trying to borrow from same neighbour to pay off his debts again! ( Neighbour said no and rang my dad to let him know what was happening!

(Oh and to rub salt in his gf turns up a my grans on pension day (with her dad waiting outside in car) tbh it's getting to the point where we feel the need to go to ss ( but not sure what they would do.

So.... in answer to AIBU NOOOOOOOO!
but they're are many in the same boat!

It's absolutely awful, what your brother is doing.

Why don't you try this - instead of constantly compromising because he's there, do what you would if it was just your parents. Ie, go and stay there - so what if you all have to crash on the lounge room floor. A fun sleep over!

If he he complains (which he undoubtedly will) - just snidely remark "Oh, what's the problem, not getting any value for your rent money? Oh.... that's right, you don't actually pay rent, do you? Oh well - it will be quieter when you get your own place."

If he makes remarks about what he would do if they were "his" children - point out that the first thing he would have to do is actually get a job and be able to afford them - so clearly that's not on the agenda any time soon...

Etc, etc.

If he really gets upset about you turning up, just point out that they are also YOUR parents, and that you want to spend time with them too - surely he can understand that as clearly he loves spending time with them so much that he is actually living with them!!!!

(I'm ill, my DS is ill, and feeling really snarky right now. I'm just waiting for someone to cross me so that I can vent by wiping the floor with them!!!! !!!!)

my brother stopped scrounging age 40. He's a find figure of a man now. Comes later to some.

LOL Madmarg,

Wow I'm actually feeling abit sorry for him now. I agree with the suicidal comments. He has a very changeable personality and seems to be unable to cope with the slightest of obstacles at times.

Well the opportunity presented itself last night. I had popped round to show the school photos off and mum said she wanted one in a certain size so that it could go between some others on her wall. She then gave me some money and said because they were so expensive she would give me £20 to go towards some of the others that I wanted. Do you know he sat there and said "what do I get?" "When do I ever ask for money" and "I cant because she(me) ges it all"

Well I flipped, told him that mum should work out the bills and make him pay a third and then he can see what he gets etc.

Mum told me to stop causing arguments, Dad just left the room.

I phoned them up later said I thought it was disgusting that they encourage his behaviour by backing him up. She said she doesn't realise that she does it. I doubt it will change a thing.

For me I couldn't care if they gave him all the money. I am self sufficent and never have to loan money. Mum does slip me a money for stuff like photos, I let her use my caravan frequently with no charge etc.

Its just this attitude he has. Like everyone has to go through him first and get permission.