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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my sister to remember ...

23 replies

Hogiabach · 13/11/2008 19:55

her nephew's B'day. My Sister has 3DC 17, 15, & 11. My other sister has a 5 year old and I have 2 DS who are 3 and 10 months. Today was my nephew's 5th B'day and my sister sent nothing My sister and I have supported her through a really messy divorce - always made sure her kids don't go without, never forget B'days etc. Up until last year her DC came for a two week summer holiday with me & DH - activity packed in London all paid for by us, with no contribution from her for the whole holiday. I'm utterly that she would do this....

She has met a new man and got married 2 weeks ago and since meeting him she doesn't think about anyone.

I've phoned her tonight in a temper and she said how dare I take the moral high ground and said that I had a problem!!

My DC's B'day's are after Xmas and I'm just gonna lose it if she doesn't give them anything.

Rant over sorry

OP posts:
TeenyTinyTorya · 13/11/2008 20:00

Tbh, if she got married 2 weeks ago, she may well have other things on her mind. My aunties have regularly forgotten b'days, and it isn't an issue unless you make it one. I doubt your nephew would even have noticed. I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

morningpaper · 13/11/2008 20:02

YABU - presents are lovely when you get them, but they shouldn't be seen as OBLIGATORY

she will have lots on her mind

why are you so angry with her?

ChirpyGirl · 13/11/2008 20:05

I think YAB a bit U as well, I have bene known to forget birthdays, when reminded (gently!) I feel like shit and just send a belated present, it's not the end of the world.

Original poster
Hogiabach · 13/11/2008 20:05

because she is a selfish bitch! As a family we have done so much for her and all I expect back is a card for a 5 year old!

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 13/11/2008 20:07

eek!

you should do things for her and her children because you want to and not because you expect certain behaviour in return (which can sometimes be easier said than done)

It is not worth falling out over a card

lauraloola · 13/11/2008 20:07

YANBU - It doesnt take much to send a card or phone him to say happy birthday.

LynetteScavo · 13/11/2008 20:07

Hmmm....My sisters and brother don't always remember my DC's birthdays. One of my sisters was really good at remembering untill she met a new man, and hasn't been very good since. I've never been upset by it though. Each family operates differently, so I really, honesty can't comment on whether YABU, or not...but based solely on your OP, I'm inclined to think you are.

ChirpyGirl · 13/11/2008 20:08

I don't think forgetting makes her selfish, jusr forgetful, plus I am always defensive if my sisters have a go, they are the only people who can get a really good rise out of me.

Out of curiosity, why was it you that called and not your sister?

RubySlippers · 13/11/2008 20:08

if she has had a horrid divorce and is now enjoying life as a newly wed, her DN's birthday may not have penetrated through the love haze she is in

am sure she has done it deliberately

RubySlippers · 13/11/2008 20:09

am sure she has NOT done it deliberately

morningpaper · 13/11/2008 20:09

you sound like you really don't like your sister, or are jealous of her

A 5 year old won't even NOTICE a card

Goober · 13/11/2008 20:09

YANBU
My DS1s 14th birthday today, sister forgot him. It pisses me off in a big way.

cmotdibbler · 13/11/2008 20:12

YABU - when you are caught up in things its easy to forget things.

Things that you and your family do for hers is nothing to do with presents and cards.

Have a glass of something, and phone her back and apologise for being like that on the phone. Especially when you weren't allowing any leeway for the Post Office

Cupofteaplease · 13/11/2008 20:12

We have a sister who doesn't remember any of the children's birthdays- she has 10 neices and nephews (as do all of us siblings). We don't expect anything more from her now-she's a lovely lady, but a flake.

If your sister got married 2 weeks ago, she's probably got other things on her mind.

I wouldn't be angry with her, it's a waste of energy. I know you're upset, as I was when my sister forgot dd2's first birthday (always a special one in my book), and didn't turn up to her Christening either- perhaps she just doesn't like dd2?!

Original poster
Hogiabach · 13/11/2008 20:12

I'm still so angry and don't feel ABU!!! I don't in the slightest expect things because I've given It's just the principles.
ChirpyGirl because she bully's my other sister and treats her like shite....

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 13/11/2008 20:15

let it go

the bullying is a seperate issue

it sounds like this goes way deeper than a forgotten card

Original poster
Hogiabach · 13/11/2008 20:15

lol morningpaper!

OP posts:
morningpaper · 13/11/2008 20:16

yes this is clearly one of those thread where you are going to tell us lots of awful things about your sister after 50 reasonable posts

Original poster
Hogiabach · 13/11/2008 20:17

ok you're mellowing me now

OP posts:
ChirpyGirl · 13/11/2008 20:22

Well that's fair enough, but still, if she does it again, try mentioning her present hasn't turned up yet and then see if it guilts her into sending a late one. My DN's quite like our presents as we call them after they have opened their presents and ask what they want that they didn't get! one of them shafted DH last time for a indiana jones whip (or soem such rubbish)

hannahsaunt · 13/11/2008 20:23

Actually, I'm still upset with SIL/BIL on one side and db/SIL on the other, both of whom forgot ds3's first birthday in September .

Original poster
Hogiabach · 13/11/2008 20:32

hannahsaunt, don't blame you!

OP posts:
Flynnie · 13/11/2008 21:08

I'm sure it wasn't deliberate....I have been known to forget a birthday but I love all six of my neices and nephews. I'm just a bit crap!

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