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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be out all day tomorrow until 6ish when dd is having a friend home after school

7 replies

Jux · 13/11/2008 13:51

I am hopping mad now, after I talked to my mum about it!

There is an enquiry going on this week. DH and I went the first day and it was fascinating. I wanted to go every day but due to recent ms attack and long walk to the car on the first day, I spent yesterday in bed, exhausted and in pain. DD had a friend over after school y'day and dh kept an eye on them (not that they needed it really, they're 9). I am more recovered today and was going to go along this afternoon but dh has invited someone to dinner and I wouldn't be able to cook or socialise as well, so I am not going.

Tomorrow is the last day and I really really want to go. DH has known this all week, and hasn't said anything against it, in fact he thinks it quite important that we (the public) turn up, but he found the first day so boring he won't be one of them. However, when I said today that I would like to go for the whole day tomorrow, he said but dd has a friend over after school, and then wandered off; this means that he doesn't think it fair if I am not around again.

Is it really unreasonable to expect him to be available to them again this week? I know he did it yesterday, but he's never done it before, it's always me, and he shuts himself away and sleeps/reads when dd has friends over. Furthermore, he is often out for hours during the day (not working) and I am stuck indoors almost all the time.

(I am furious because when I asked my mum if I was being unreasonable, and that I am always the one around when dd has friends over, she said that was to be expected - because men are different, you see, and don't look after their children! That's what's made me cross.)

OP posts:
ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 13/11/2008 13:53

If they are 9 can't they play on their own while dh reads or whatever?
YANBU

Poppycake · 13/11/2008 14:01

yanbu, but is there a possibility that dh is worried that you might overdo it and end up in bed again? I know that's not what he said, but perhaps a subtext?

Jux · 13/11/2008 14:02

Yes of course they can! And they do, but dh doesn't seem to want to be the adult they go to if there are problems, or if they're hungry etc. This will be the first time this particular girl will come here and we don't know the family, except to say hi to in passing. But I've 'supervised' many many visits of a similar nature since we moved here a couple of years ago, and I managed it!

OP posts:
Jux · 13/11/2008 14:03

x post. Well, that is a possibility, though he isn't usually so reticent about saying so! (And if he was so concerned, why did he invite our friend for dinner this evening? He knows I'm at my absolute worst in the evenings!)

OP posts:
Poppycake · 13/11/2008 14:14

well he's being a bit useless then. Tell him off

annh · 13/11/2008 14:24

Can't you just move the friend's visit? My ds is always having people over and sometimes we have to cancel or rearrange for all kinds of reasons. Unless it's some kind of really important visit for a specific reason, I would say it should be fine.

Jux · 13/11/2008 14:33

Well, dd will be desperately disappointed if we do that; and really, I don't think dh being around as responsible adult is asking too much, is it? Why should dd not have a friend round just because I'm not there, but dh is?

OP posts:
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