AIBU to opt out of Christmas cards?

[abraid]

I was thinking of only sending cards to elderly friends and relatives and people we can't easily email to wish a Happy Christmas.

This would partly be for credit crunch reasons and partly because I just can't face writing them.

Is this tight?

I love sending and recieving cards - I must be a wierdo! ah well.

I'm obviously a weirdo too! I don't believe in giving cards to all and sundry just for the sake of it. I would never give a card to someone I didn't like very much for example. But we do give cards to a small group of close friends and family, and also to a group of old university friends we don't see often but want to keep in some sort of contact with.

I make my own cards, so it is a way of putting a bit of thought into a simple way of sending good wishes.

I don't really get the bit about not sending to 'people we're seeing over the next few days' or 'people we see everyday'. Do none of you give birthday cards to people you see all the time? Goodness me, we give birthday cards to people who live in the same house!

I actually think some of the people I know who are 'opting out' of cards are really doing it because they just can't be bothered.

I do think there is a bit of a danger of everything becoming a bit joyless. By all means don't get sucked into commercialism, and don't feel obliged to send hundreds of cards to everyone in the street or the office, but does it really hurt to send cards to some people?

And if everyone stops sending cards, I won't be receiving many cards to dismantle to re-use bits in my home-made cards, or to re-use as gift tags!

I love receiving (and at 39 I'm not an oldie - I think!) and sending cards to friends and family as its a nice and traditional way to wish everyone well at Xmas.

To everyone who can't be arsed, what do you feel when a friend or family member sends you a nice card with a thoughtful message and best wishes? When I receive a card it makes me feel warm inside that someone cares for me and my family enough to send a card.

Sending a card is obviously no substitute to seeing and spending time with people over the festive period, but this doesnt mean you cant do both.

Those that don't send cards do you not even send them to elderly relatives who don't have email or anything?

I hardly sent any last year because we were in the middle of major building work and didn't have heating or running water, let alone time to sit and write cards to people I haven't seen for five years. I don't think anyone even noticed. Maybe they did, are all in a huff and we'll only get two this year...! Going to stick to close friends and elderly rellies this time I think.

I don't send them because I sell them and I also hate getting them as I see Christmas cards from august by the time christmas comes I am bored to death of it

Scrooge icon

Not BU at all. I never do christmas cards, cannot see the point. I do wee gifts for the olds, but that's because I see them at christmas anyway.
I am lloking forward to emailing some people the MN cards though

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Haven't sent Xmas cards for years. Don't have elderly relatives, they are all dead, but when I did would send them a present (especially nice are things the DCs have 'done') or go and see them.

I send them and love to receive them - but YANBU.

Lot of people here asking "is it tight not to send them"? Depends where you get them from and what you motives are - I don't spend a lot and know the charities rely on card sales for a fair chunk of profit (I mean sort you buy in a charity shop or similar, lots of shops do what they say are for charity, but they get peanuts from them). Agree it's become a very commercial thing but feel strongly the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. for some of those I send to, most of those benefits can be had by email and that's fine, I see nothing wrong with that. I'm happy ot have a a few of those myself, but my cards form part of my decorations and I LOVEM ! Only way not sending them definitely makes you tight is in terms of giving of yourself, cos it does take time. My parents used to send hundreds and some of them to people they could barely remember - I do go through my list to make sure all those people would still expect to hear from me and me from them. It's a question of relevance for you and the recipient, not a flat rule IMO - I know someone who never sends them and that embarrassed me the year I sent him one, so never did it since: also have a brother that I have no idea why he does send them, except he doesn't do presents either. I hate that people seem often feel it's too much to ask them to register your presence at all. Where's the spirit of Xmas in that? That's not a commercial issue.

I do the round robin thing for aunts/uncles and friends I don't often see, but it's just an update and I get one or two back - at that level, I think it's fair as a means of update when you know your chances of getting together are small and they're interested. I'd love to do somethign more personal, but know it wouldn't happen half the time if I did, they'd get lost in the rush.

So, think you are being unreasonable if you bail out altogether, but not if you tailor it to those who matter ot you and owuld appreciate it.

Lot of people here asking "is it tight not to send them"? Depends where you get them from and what you motives are - I don't spend a lot and know the charities rely on card sales for a fair chunk of profit (I mean sort you buy in a charity shop or similar, lots of shops do what they say are for charity, but they get peanuts from them). Agree it's become a very commercial thing but feel strongly the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. for some of those I send to, most of those benefits can be had by email and that's fine, I see nothing wrong with that. I'm happy ot have a a few of those myself, but my cards form part of my decorations and I LOVEM ! Only way not sending them definitely makes you tight is in terms of giving of yourself, cos it does take time. My parents used to send hundreds and some of them to people they could barely remember - I do go through my list to make sure all those people would still expect to hear from me and me from them. It's a question of relevance for you and the recipient, not a flat rule IMO - I know someone who never sends them and that embarrassed me the year I sent him one, so never did it since: also have a brother that I have no idea why he does send them, except he doesn't do presents either. I hate that people seem often feel it's too much to ask them to register your presence at all. Where's the spirit of Xmas in that? That's not a commercial issue.

I do the round robin thing for aunts/uncles and friends I don't often see, but it's just an update and I get one or two back - at that level, I think it's fair as a means of update when you know your chances of getting together are small and they're interested. I'd love to do somethign more personal, but know it wouldn't happen half the time if I did, they'd get lost in the rush.

So, think you are being unreasonable if you bail out altogether, but not if you tailor it to those who matter ot you and owuld appreciate it.

I have printed photos of dd with a santa hat on and will post them. They cost 5p each to print so much cheaper than an card esp when you factor in postage.

I used to write about 70 each year and hated every minute of it so last year I cut it back to about 8.
It's not just the cost of the cards its the cost of postage which is going up year after year, because the majority of those were to people I couldn't hand deliver to, and there is an environmental factor for me too even though cards can be recycled in a number of ways.

YANBU

I have not sent ANY in about 5 years or more.
It has been liberating!

Very kind of you to still send to a select few .

jasper what about the elderly? do you make the effort to go and see them instead?

If I can be bothered/have time to write a note, I'll send them to people I'm unlikely to see, and to the neighbours on each side (mainly to remind the ones on the right what my name is...) For several years the only person to get a card was my now-dead ungodmother who was in her late 90s (she was usually the only one to get postcards from me, too).

I don't see the point in the ones I get that just say 'love X', sometimes not even a 'Dear Notcitrus'!

Although I'll probably send quite a lot this year, doubling up as thank-you cards for gifts received when A was born.

nappyaddict not especially at Christmas but I do make an effort throughout the year.

I also host a big family party every autumn to which everyone is invited .

I am getting to an age when I have few elderly relatives left!

my family and DH's family just do phone calls on Christmas day.

I have given up on Christmas cards, but for the last few years I have typed a round-up-of-the-year letter containing photos, which has been photocopied and sent to friends and relatives back in the UK, (we are expats now).

Out of interest - what do people think about gettting these type of letters? I always quite like receiving them from others, but my Mum says she hates them ... so I'm now unsure what to do!

I would prefer not to for environmental reasons. I'll only send ds's handmade cards to family.

On the subject of Christmas cards .. what is the best way to display them??

It drives me insane beacuse they whirl around on the kitchen worktop or get knocked off the side tables...

Suggestions on how to keep them looking nice and in one place please ?

Cazzz - just buy some lengths of Christmas ribbon and some Pritt sticky pads.

Attach the ribbon in three or four vertical rows to a downstairs door, top and botton with drawing pins where it won't show or spoil the paintwork (not on the face of the door, I mean right on the top narrow bit and equivalent underneath). Pritt pad the cards at the top left corner and place on the ribbon at a diagonal. Keeps all the cards in one place neatly and looks festive especially if you decorate with a sprig of holly at the top of each row.

Alternatively you can get strings with little pegs (like a washing line). These are cute if you want them in a room rather than on a door.

"what do you feel when a friend or family member sends you a nice card with a thoughtful message and best wishes?"

Well they don't ... the people we really care about we make a point of seeing or, at very least, calling. Those who send us cards are ex-collegues, distant cousins we've probably only met once, some odd bloke from uni etc. I make a point of keeping in close touch (emails, visits, letters) with the people who matter to me sending a Christmas card doesn't mean you care about someone, it's just a chore to be crossed off your list.

As far as elderly relatives go (& where does this idea that 'the elderly' as a group like or want one thing in particular - how patronising - come from?) mine all have telephones & email. My paternal grandparents are canny Scots and have never sent cards, considering them to be a complete waste of money. My maternal grandmother lives 20 minutes from us so the children & I see her a couple of times a week, we spend every Christmas with her & I am right now knitting her cashmere socks. She hates cards as every year she gets fewer & fewer from her friends & peers as they get older and die. She would much rather have a visit.

Cazzzz - IMHO round robins are fine if you are expats/sending from abroad as there's a genuine reason for it.

Other than that they are a bit annoying because they are not very personal and also naturally, they only contain good news and it comes across as a bit smug. Nobody puts in "We had an enormous barney in the summer and nearly split up", or "DD1 was bottom of the class again". Everything's all wonderful, wonderful, marvellous, marvellous .

joyfuleyes - none of my elderly relatives have email and quite a few elderly people don't so i think that's why people keep mentioning the elderly as you can't email them like everyone else. i don't mean my grandparents - we go and see them of course, i was talking more about distant great aunts etc.