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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DH at home alone over Xmas while I take DCs to my family!

26 replies

FattyBomBom · 12/11/2008 21:51

He has just told me he is going to have to work every day over Xmas and New Year apart from Xmas Day and New Years Day. I have a big family and we normally spend it with them (the more the merrier and feels more like Xmas than just with us and the kids). We always have a big shindig and the whole atmosphere is really nice. No room for them to come to us! They are 5 hours away by car so cannot go just for the day. I have the whole school holiday off work and do not fancy staying at home with DCs on my own. DH had told me he would have a few more more days off than that so we were planning to all go but he has now volunteered to work on Boxing Day so he can get triple time pay (which we are not desperately in need of)!

AIBU to leave him a turkey ready meal in the freezer and bugger off from the 24th Dec until the 2nd Jan?

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 12/11/2008 21:54

What does he do? I am a nurse and have to work 24th and 25th, and would not be happy if dh buggered off to his family as they (dh and dcs) would not be here before and after my shifts.

Having said that he is a bit unreasonable to have offered to work Boxing Day imo. Is there any room for compromise? Can he get a few days off in a row even if he has to swap?

Could you perhaps come back on the 27-30th for example. Has he got to work New Year as well?

dramaqueen · 12/11/2008 21:56

Why can't you make a nice family christmas of you and the kids? It takes a lot more effort but I would rather that than leave dh on his own on christmas day. YABU.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/11/2008 21:58

Would you really rather spend Christmas with your family than you husband?

saadia · 12/11/2008 21:59

I think YABU. Could you not go and visit family between Christmas and New Year?

Sails · 12/11/2008 22:17

yabvu! I'm all for big family christmasses with my parents and grandparents I agree with you there I love chrismasses like that but dh, dcs and I come as a package and at christmas of all days we go together as we are a family. I wouldn't dream of leaving dh alone on christmas day I couldn't enjoy christmas in those circumstances. Sounds to me that you think more of your parents than your dh!

nametaken · 12/11/2008 22:19

YANBU - how dare he "volunteer" to work boxing day and leave you with small children. Bloody well bugger off and leave him to it.

coppertop · 12/11/2008 22:21

Would you be happy for dh to leave you at home by yourself over Christmas while he took the children to stay with his family?

YABU.

SixSpotBonfire · 12/11/2008 22:22

I wouldn't leave my DH on his own at home at Xmas, really I wouldn't, but my DSs and I are going to stay with my folks on 27 Dec leaving DH at home for a few days.

mumeeee · 12/11/2008 22:22

YABU. We have a big family do after Christmas.
Christmas Day is just for our small family and that is the same for my sisters and brothers families.
We all make sure that we arrange a date that everyone can be at the big family Christmas party.
I would never leave my DH on his own on Christmas day.

SixSpotBonfire · 12/11/2008 22:23

What I am saying is, could you wait until 27 Dec and then all go together - you would still have quite a long stay with your family that way?

It can be very nice having Christmas Day itself with just your immediate family - I love it.

fruitstick · 12/11/2008 22:24

YABU

Working on Boxing day is an entirely different kettle of fish to spending Christmas Eve & Christmas Day on your own. It's not great that he's volunteered to work but you are being very selfish in expecting him to be without his wife and children on Christmas Day just so you can enjoy yourself slightly more;.

Have a quiet Christmas Day and then bugger off to your family on Boxing Day if you feel the need.

veronika · 12/11/2008 22:24

completely depends on whether he minds.
If he doesn't, then go

gemmiegoatlegs · 12/11/2008 22:25

can you not stay home for christmas day itself and then spend the rest of the hols with your family? He will not want to be without your dcs on christmas day,

Original poster
FattyBomBom · 12/11/2008 22:27

He's a toad of the road lorry driver . On his usual rota, he would have off from the 24-27th then 31st-2nd. But they've just given him the Xmas rota. Can't change his days. Can't visit in between as he will be working.

I spose its just that coming from a family of 8 kids (32 now with OHs and kids), we always have riotous Xmas's. Family bickering, jelly & gravy fights, dad taking about 5 hours to hand out all the pressies individually, my mum makes excellent 4 course Xmas dinners while we all muck in while drinking copious amounts of wine! The two Xmas's (in 15 years) that we have been on our own have been pretty boring and DH agrees with that. It's not the same without a house load.

Feel so nostalgic now - looks like frozen dinner it is!

DH could go to his brother's (about an hour away) but they do not really celebrate it (non-practising Muslims) so will be a normal day for them.

He'll be working until late on New Years Eve as well so can't do much then either.

OP posts:
LadyOfRObamaffle · 12/11/2008 22:31

Can you all go Christmas Day & then he come home?

Cynthia32 · 12/11/2008 22:35

Isn't he working christmas day though? So he wouldn't be at home anyway!

jasper · 12/11/2008 22:36

does he mind being left alone while you go to you family?

pointydog · 12/11/2008 22:36

I think yabu. Go to your relatives on boxing day, no?

pushkar · 12/11/2008 22:38

maybe he finds it all overwhelming...working on boxing day...i thought that was for single people generally.. you probably need to ask him to get his priorities right.....family first, you're not a one parent parent you are a couple, i hope you resolve this one .... best of luck

MsHighwater · 12/11/2008 23:14

YABU. He is your family and you are his. You should not leave him on his own if you don't have to.

solidgoldbrass · 12/11/2008 23:18

Well it totally depends on what your DH thinks, never mind other people's sentimental bollockery about how people should spend Xmas. If he's volunteering for extra work, he probably doesn;t want to go to your family's house - so why should you stay at home when he isn't even there?
Talk it through with him, preferably without whining or leading questions, and if he says, look, I can;t be arsed with Xmas, I will have more fun being at work and going to the pub, then take the DC and go and enjoy.

MsHighwater · 13/11/2008 13:23

sgb, you are guilty of making all sorts of assumptions. We have no idea why the OP's dh volunteered for extra shifts - she says they don't need the money but maybe he thinks they do. Or maybe he has concerns for his job and doesn't want to seem expendable. While it's possible he did it to avoid going to the IL's for Christmas, it's only one possibility.

rrrayray · 13/11/2008 13:38

What a horrible situation to be in!!!! I'm pregnant with first child, and looks like we may well have to just be having Christmas just the two of us, as OH may have to be in to work at 5pm (family lives over 2 hours away) so i'm just hoping that doesnt happen.

i agree with MsHighwater, once you've had children/married that IS your family.

Fattybombom have you spoken to your parents/family about the situation... i mean, do you have room for them to all to come to you instead?? At least for the day itself!!!?!?! Everyone could muck in doing bits and bobs?

just an idea!!

combustiblelemon · 13/11/2008 13:49

He volunteered. He also knows that you have a big family Christmas. I'm assuming that he is from a muslim family- if his brother is a non-practising muslim- so ILs aren't having a big Christmas thing. What did/does he think you'll be doing?

Countingthegreyhairs · 13/11/2008 13:54

mmm, bit of a dilemma

the thing is, even if you stay at home over Christmas and Boxing Day, he won't actually be there, so effectively, you will be the one on your own with the dc ....

I've had to work over Christmas in the past and it's always been quite fun ... so if it were me, I'd ask your dh what he would prefer

I don't think it unreasonable to go to your family if your dh doesn't mind