in expecting P not to dump DD on his parents whilst I am away?

[Ewe]

I think I may be being a bit unreasonabl but here goes.

I am off to NY for a long weekend tomorrow, back Mon night. Leaving DD with my partner who has now made plane to go up to his parents. Great, I thought!

However, he has arranged to drop her off late Sat morning, go to the rugby and then go down to London (75 mils from his parents) and go out with his friends and stay over in East London. He will then pick DD up Sunday afternoon.

I can't really explain why it makes me uncomfortable but as I am away I want him to be with her - or at least near her! - just in case something happens.

So AIBU and pfb-ish?

Excuse typing errors! Typing one handed.

How old is your dd?

Tbh I think that if you are going on a long w'end to NY (presumably holiday rather than business), it is ok for him to want some time off too.

Do you have any issues with his parents? Will your dd be fine, is she used to being with them?

In my opinion Ewe, I think he is being quite unfair. I am sure he can go out with his friends when you're home. I read your other posts about your rubbish year and being excited about this trip so it isn't too much to ask your partner to take care of your baby so you can relax as much as possible. I can't relax if anyone has my ds other than dp of course.

Depending on her age and the terms on which you agreed for him to look after your DD, I think YANBU really - he has the chance to spend the weekend with her on his own, not to piss off to watch the rugby with his mates and stay out all night.

No, he should be spending the time with her as well.

No, ILs are lovely, trust them implicitly although DD hasn't spent lots of time with them.

DD is 8 months.

I don't mind him having time off at all, just wish he could choose to have his big night out when I'm in the country!

I think it is because staying in London, no car, middle of night it would be tough for him to get back if necessary.

I can see that point but I totally understand where you are coming from, so IMO YAsortofNBU.

I don't know your history or your situation, but realistically he is only 75 miles away from her and leaving her for just over 24 hours over the whole long weekend.

Obviously if he always takes the mickey at times like this then perhaps my responses haven't been appropriate.

(that point about lollipop made I mean!)

Does he know how you feel about this? Could he genuinely be thinking that actually to be away on one of the nights you are away is a Good Thing otherwise you and he will be apart from each other again next weekend or some other point in the near future when he reschedules his night out?

He does know, thinks I am being silly because nothing will happen.

And you're right Zebraa it's more about the fact it makes me feel a bit anxious the thought of not having either of us near her.

I might see if he will go out but stay at his parents that night as a halfway house, does that seem fair?

Yes that seems fair. Is he normally a reasonable chap, would he accept that sort of compromise?

I think I might be having some feelings here that are transferring from my own ishoos with my DH - whenever he is asked to look after DS for anything longer than an hour, he can't seem to manage it by himself. When MIL is around (not often as she is in Australia), she is always roped in, if not left in charge of DS; and when she isn't, DH takes him round to his cousin's place.

To me this seems like he is always trying to offload the responsibility of looking after DS by himself. I just got the feeling that your DP was doing the same sort of thing - if that's not the case, then please ignore me.

thumbwitch and I am probably coming from the other direction. My dh has the girls at least 1-2 full weekends a month while I work and takes full responsibility without involving anyone else.

Between us we probably have quite a balanced opinion.

Ewe, you could always ask him how he would feel if something did happen and he wasn't there for her - that might also help.

I find the "it'll be all right, stop fussing/ worrying" attitude one worthy of a swift frying pan to the head (mental image of course, not really!)

He does always go to his parents when he has DD which I quite like as for example today he forgot to give her breakfast, her anti-biotics and didn't put a vest on her.

I would really rather he just stayed overnight with DD. She never sleeps well in a travel cot anyway so I would just feel better if I knew he was with her.

I guess I just have to let go a bit!

I just think that for one weekend whilst you have some you time it isn't really fair for him to decide that will be the weekend he goes out with his friends on a big night.

I am slightly emotional today and blaming men in general for my miserable, uncomfortable state so I may be being a tad unfair... but I think I am right, and you for that matter.

Me too thumbwitch! The "nothing bad will ever happen to us" annoys me because it is so naive and silly. I just don't think he understands me at all!

When I asked how he would feel he said he could always get a coach back, they run hourly through the night apparently. Great

He obviously doesn't ever envisage looking after her all by himself if he always takes her to his parents.
I would get this to some extent with DH in the baby days - he would always want back-up.
He could do with some practice in looking after her by himself to see that he can actually cope.

I did lose my passport! Didn't find it but the passport office were wonderful and got me a brand spanking new sorted in 4 hours on Monday afternoon!

Although I lost/had my new iPhone stolen today on the tube home so I think I am in the midst of a run of bad luck.

I might offer him a whole weekend off in exchange for him being around a bit more this weekend. I'm very emotional today too Zebraa! Hence why I wanted to check on here whether or not I was being normal. Maybe a bunch of potentially also hormonal women isn't the best place to post with hindsight

haha what are you talking about, when you want to know you're absolutely right and not your dp, THIS is the place to be!