to invite another child to play?

[misshardbroom]

Tell me if I'm ridiculously oversensitive.

DD is in reception. None of the children knew each other before starting but they're now getting to the stage where they're inviting each other to birthday parties, and I've noticed a couple of the little girls have been to tea together.

DD is quite friendly with another little girl (for our purposes, let's call her 'A'), and since the start of September I've been chatting to her mum on the playground etc. They live near us so we sometimes bump into them walking to school and walk the last bit together, etc.

So this afternoon I said to her mum 'I was wondering, do you think A would like to come and play with DD after school one afternoon?'

To my slight surprise, she (literally) wrinkled her nose up and shook her head and went 'No, I don't think so... I don't really like her doing things after school'. Then she said 'Saturdays are better', so I said 'OK, well that would be fine too', but even then she just went 'well I'll have a think about it' in the sort of voice people use when they mean 'and it will never happen'.

AIBU to feel a bit embarrassed and stupid about this? Have I inadvertently committed some big primary school socialising faux pas?

I can understand her saying 'well she's usually pretty tired after school so Saturday is better', or even 'well, she's a bit shy and I don't know if she'd come by herself', but the reaction I got took me back a bit. We're clean and respectable people, btw!

Some people are wierd... sounds like a perfectly nice and reasonable invitation to me. It's her not you, don't worry.

She's odd. Most people would bite your arm off if you offered to take their child home with you after school -- it means extra child-free time to MN get on with some work, after all. The benefit to your child's social life is just a bonus.

Take no notice, for primary school politics purposes it's best to develop the thickest skin you can manage, and assume people are just forgetful/odd/shy rather than reading too much into it.

My reception dd will go to the house of anybody who's rash enough to ask her -- in fact she's quite capable of inviting herself and informing the other child's mother before letting me know.

It's her who should feel embarrased. Snotty bitch. TBH, even if I were her and I didn;t fancy coming over, I would be a lot more polite about the situation. Don't feel disheartened. Actually, you have inspired me to create a new thread... coming soon...

Its her, not you.

Its perfectly reasonable to have playdates after school. Lots of children are doing activities after school at this age.

There could be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to accept your kind invitation. Being miserable is just one possibility.

What junkcollector and frogs said

Very weird

Perhaps giving the benefit of the doubt shes worried about leaving her dd (who's still young) maybe asking her over for a wine coffee while the kids play would be more acceptable

don't take it to heart misshardbroom. You have done nothing to be embarressed about.

Exactly the same thing happened to me just 40 minutes ago.

New girl in dds year 5, english not the families first language, spoke to her mum today to say, dd asked if (your dd) could come and play one next, maybe next week? The mum, who was very nice and approachable and smiley, said oh next week we are moving house. Oh, what about the week after, I sad. "I'll inform you" she said, which made me smile, it's just because english isn't her first language, OK.

I take this as a no but we'll see. I'll ask again the week after next and call it a day if she seems evasive.

Thing is, if she doesn't wanna start socialising, that's fine. Don't take it personally. Some people want to come, some don't. I'll ask another friend. I suggest you ask someone else.

You and the other mum both sound as though these are your first children am I right? It's always difficult to know what to do first time round and rejection is horrible, but when you've been rejected as many times as I have you'll develop a thicker skin and it won't hurt so much.

Ask someone else.

thank you all for kind words. Yes, in both cases these are first children, hence the uncertainty about school protocol, although I promise I'm really not PFB (any more!) about her.

Oh well, having a brew & buttered crumpets now and feeling a bit more cheerful!

hadn't even thought that far, lulabellarama, although unlikely as both families usually walk to school.

yummmy

y'see.... someone is a bit horrid to me and I lose all sense of MN irony!

Yep, saw that thread the other day. Weirdness.

The woman is either a loon or being very pfb. Crikey even before the last words had been uttered, i'd have given you the biggest smile ever, given you my mobile no, handed over my child and watched your face in amazement as i disappeared from view

Maybe next time, invite her round too so that she can see that you dont live in a crack den, surrounded by used condoms

hmmmm... better actually clear up the used condoms first. And maybe get t'council round to sort out the cockroaches...

seriously though, it's a good idea to ask mother and daughter together sometimes, or at least offer.

Choose a different friend. I have played a blinder next Monday and got stuff arranged for both children on the same day, so Christmas shopping here I come.

Yes ask another child. Most mums ar very normal!

Result bozza!!

are

She sounds very anti social to me. I agree, ask another child whose mother is nicer.

Maybe apply a bit of cunning and invite a child who has older siblings - no pfb just started school issues then.

Well, maybe she is just not very tactful and her pfb isn't used to going anywhere (apart from school ) without her?FWIW I started a thread about two parents who booked tickets to the panto I am taking ds and his friends to, two rows behind! Not that they don't trust me or anything...

mmm very odd. Perhaps there are other issues that haven't come out yet? Toiletting? health problems? eeerrrm special needs? allergies?
I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say it's something like that tbh as it does sound rather unusual.
She'll either come round to the idea or open up at some point i expect.
Just make it clear that the offer is there and that she is welcome to stay.

I always invite the mum and child over together for the first playdate, especially if its somebody who doesnt know me too well. I appreciate the same happening back to me, but wouldnt necessarily refuse a playdate, but it would make me a little more nervous, so perhaps invite the mum aswell.

I have had one Mum say yes twice, but engineer it to 'not get around' to giving me her details/putting off arranging it - but she did say she worries about invites as her dd is bossy/not well behaved so maybe she just doesn't want to, which is fine. Also I invited one Mum with child and she asked me three times if I wanted her as well as little girl, looking pleased about the invite but horrified at the idea of having to come herself. I know most people don't invite the Mum's but I felt I should invite them first time, and would enjoy having a coffee after school and getting a chance to meet on a less superficial level. it's not like I'm gonna stalk them or want a new best friend, just trying to be sociable. It's a confusing place, school.