to find the threads where an OP asks if she should "let" DP do something a bit weird?

[Blinglovin]

I'm going to get flamed. I can feel it!

Seriously though, while I always understand the thinking and the question, if you look at the relationship thread there's a lot of "should I let dp go on this stag do" or "am I being unreasonable to not let dp play football" every day.

I don't "let" dp do things (I hope). He does things, or he doesn't and sometimes I ask him not to do something because I don't like it or whatever but...

So, AIBU?

YANBU but maybe its just a vocab thing

'let' is a bit dodgy, I agree.

dh asks me if it's okay, or if we have something else on

YANBU
I was mortified when DH said "Thanks for letting me go out tonight"
Felt like Andy Capp's wife or summat

i'd agree with the sentiment. the idea of letting my OH do something when she is a grown woman would stick in my throat a bit. or the idea of all these men who have to get permission to do something just makes me wonder WTF these men are like to be so under the thumb.

but they are the best threads for argument etc so i say long may they continue

YANBU.

If DH wants to do something, he asks me if he can.

I look at the date and time and, unless we are already doing something, say off you go.

DH would like me to say no sometimes, because he doesn't actually want to go, but doesn't like saying no and wants to use me as an excuse.

I won't play his game, if he doesn't want to go, he should just say so. He's old enough to make his own decisions.

This approach does mean he sometimes goes out when I think he should stay home, but it works both ways. I get to go out when I want.

I think I should get a say in how dh spends our money. So I do occasionally "let" him spend ridiculous sums on his hobbies. I also feel that the childcare should be shared so we have to agree on how that is to be done in the evenings and at weekends.

If he started to want to go out with his mates for extended periods on a regular basis I wouldn't "let" him. I would be pissed off.

YANBU - dh and I do whatever we like, within the limits of a respectful (most of the time ) and committed relationship.

We are not each other's keeper. We say, 'I'm going out on blah blah date.' Not 'can I go out on blah blah date'.

Although it does help that we give each other plenty of notice, and we hardly ever go out anyway!!

YANBU - and then they turn around and complain that they never get a chance to do anything. Get a life - is the first thing they should go out and do - and not ask 'permission to'!!

I clicked on this thinking you meant "did we think you were unreasonable because you'd gone searching for the threads in which the OP had allowed her partner to do weird things".
Now that I'm here I'm not sure I'm any the wiser!

"I think I should get a say in how dh spends our money"

fair enough, agree completely.

"I also feel that the childcare should be shared so we have to agree on how that is to be done in the evenings and at weekends. "

once again agree completely,but thats more scheduling/organisation than permission.

it's more the case of people who don't let their OH go to nightclubs because what would a married person be doing in nightclubs without their partner or "i've allowed dh to see his mate this week..."

But 'let' can mean facilitating, not just permitting. In a family situation where one of you doing something means the other having to take over childcare, etc, I think 'let' is a perfectly appropriate word.

Agree with OP - the concept of "letting" (= "allowing") my DP to do something or not just doesn't figure in our relationship.

I am not his mother, teacher or boss...

"letting" is perhaps the wrong word as anyone can do anything.

With the strip club thing, DH could go but then I would leave him. Someone may consider that not "letting" but its just a consequence of his action(s)

YANBU - Why do women and also men sometimes think they have to ask permission for something when they are an adult? I thought that was the good thing about being grown up - doing what you liked without having to ask permission?

Mind you, Dh asked me if it was ok to use the pate in the fridge last night for a snack before dinner!

My answer was WTF - you paid for it and it is just something to eat - why are you asking my permission, you are a grown man if you want pate have pate!

Its interesting as when our relationship was new (in the first year or so) my now DH used to love asking me if he was "allowed" to do things, like meet the lads for a beer after work. I obviously always said yes but I think it made him feel like we were a real item, if that makes sense

Agree with OP. DH has a motorbike. I do not count anymore the number of "friends" who ask "and you let him ride a motorbike?". But, saying that, I would consider insensitive a partner who does something knowing full well it will upset their OH.