to not want to be screamed at?

[Gillyan]

I work in a Building society and we have a Dignity at work policy - yesterday a female collegue shouted and screamed at me - she was practicaly spitting feathers - she honestly had not one valid reason to be doing this and was way way out of order - I think I'm more upset that not only was she totally wrong but she know's I'm pregnant. Everyone including boss thinks this was totally out of character for her and agree that i have done not one thing wrong but I cannot stop crying about it, I know my hormones must be playing a part but she was a total bitch and made personal comments at me - she is cleary going through menopause or something and has had breast cancer a year ago and everyone pussy foot's around her for this raeson - am I being un-reasonable to be worried that she is not going to be proparly disciplined for this?? She's 55 and I'm 26. My boss said she would speak to her but I feel so intimidated I don't want to go in tomorrow unless she has been dealt with.

Poor you
Your Boss should be dealing with this right now. I think that you should expect an apology and that apology should take place in front of your manager so that she does it properly.

YANBU she is a total bitch. This has happened to me at work and I have screamed straight back.

Go back to work tomorrow hold your head high and don't let her get to you thats what bullies feed off. Also you could make her a cup of tea and spit in it.

She should be disciplined no matter what her personal situation. If you had done it to her you would expect disciplined.

Maybe you need to ask for a meeting with her and your manager present so that she can make an apology to you.

I think you were definately NBU right up until you made the comment 'she is clearly going through the menopause or something' which is an equally snidey personal comment (albeit while having a rant here rather than to her face).

I can totally understand you being upset but I would be concerned why this happened if it is so out of chracter and think your bosses should be more concerned with making sure she is OK rather than 'discilining her properly'. Regardless of the situation she needs to apologise unreservedly to you and this needs to be properly investigated and it is unlikely to have been all done by the time you go back tomorrow.

Good luck - I think I have probably sounded more unsympathetic than I am as I really feel for you being treated like this - I am just trying to point out that there may be more going on than you think

Just reread my post and don't think I got accross what I wanted to say properly.

What I meant is that of course she should be disciplined and she should have to apologise as a minimum.

Of course behaviour like this is bullying and is NOT acceptable. Just that if you made comments back to her like about menopause that might have inflamed the situation. And that if it truely is comlpetely out of character someone needs to find out what is going on with her.

Sorry if I sounded unsympathetic

Is it out of character for her? How is she with you usually?

It sounds as if she has alot on her plate, and maybe isnt really coping. If she is sorry and apologises do you really want her disciplined?

Of course YANBU to expect to not be screamed at however i'm with Alicet on the fact that if this is totally out of character for this woman i'd be thinking along the lines of cause and effect and that maybe there's something else going on.

I say this of course with the benefit of being removed from your situation which i'm sure i would be equally upset by.

Hi everyone - Alicet - I know what you mean - and no i didn't say anything toher like that I just meant it about menopausal as a way to discribe how irate she was - I am quite a hot headed person but kept my cool { until I started crying ) and kept asking her why she was shouting at me and said things like ' i don't deserve to be spoken to like this' this only fuelled her anger. She isn't usually like this with anyone else so it is out of character for her however she has made a few stinging remarks to me over the last few weeks, one was 'it's not healthy being as fat as you are you know' { I'm a size 16 } and when i told people at work i was pregnant she shook her head and said i don't see why we all need to know you should keep it to yourself - I had told them early as one person saw me throw up in loo's another guy collapsed my chair for a laugh and i fell off and we get a lot of aggresive customers coming in what with the current financial climate. Any how - I think she just doesn't like me - she used to work at a snall branch and she really doesn't know what she's doing and she's really old school
and i think she resents that I am higher up than her in 4 years than she is in 8.

Sorry to go on - I just feel like if she apologised to me i couldn't take it off her as i really just don't want to ever have to talk to her again and she was seething so I don't even think she will admit to being in the wrong - I hate nasty people!