to get annoyed when my mum blows on my son's food

[Broodymomma]

Despite repeatedly asking her not to she blows on my one and a half year old food regardless of the fact she chain smokes. Aibu to get wound up?

Well if you're unreasonable I'm totally unreasonable as I think blowing mouthy germs onto another person's food (baby or not) is really gross, even if they don't smoke!

And re the driving, she does sound quite controlling

Not unreasonable, but short of shooting her it might be difficult to change her habits

Oh, that last about the driving is way out of order though so I think you had better tell her so.

Stop allowing her to "insist" and get her own way. Take control. You are the parent, not her - don't let her take over like this.

Ever heard of the Stately Homes thread?

That comment about driving...my goodness me...does she want to report you to social services now as an unfit mother? Blowing on food...me and dh do it for dd...but someone (I don't care who) blowing on my dd's food (without any lung problems) with faggy breath - not a monkeys chance...

Seriously tho...sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye...I'm guessing the driving comment isn't the only out of order comment you have had from her? The fact you feel uncomfortable around her, from what you have said, shows there is a bit more of a story...

yeah there is a lot more. I posted a bit about it a while ago on the parenting section and someone though it was a wind up. Am finding her very hard to deal with but she has an illness so I get put on a guilt trip if I try to discuss things with her. It's got to the point that each time I see her I end up on tears on the way home or am
Angry. The driving comment came from she she was being a nightmare going on in the car that I was in wrong lane etc and putting my indicators on so I firmly told her to stop and didn't notice a by wanting to pull out I wasn't happy so today comes an email saying I'm an agressive driver and dangerous

I just feel pushed to my limit. The food blowing thing is probably not even what's getting to me

yeah there is a lot more. I posted a bit about it a while ago on the parenting section and someone though it was a wind up. Am finding her very hard to deal with but she has an illness so I get put on a guilt trip if I try to discuss things with her. It's got to the point that each time I see her I end up on tears on the way home or am
Angry. The driving comment came from she she was being a nightmare going on in the car that I was in wrong lane etc and putting my indicators on so I firmly told her to stop and didn't notice a by wanting to pull out I wasn't happy so today comes an email saying I'm an agressive driver and dangerous

I just feel pushed to my limit. The food blowing thing is probably not even what's getting to me

post on the Stately Homes thread...might not get an immediate response but you will get one I'm pg and resting from the thread at the moment...don't want to dwell on my issues with my family at this time...but more than happy to give people a push in the right direction. You cannot carry on crying after seeing her... that is not healthy for you or your ds.

So from what you have said so far...she is controlling? Using her illness as a reason not to discuss real issues between you...(that is a toxic parent response btw), being overly critical of you...even trying to control you driving?! That is dangerous...pot and kettle!!

Found the thread...my god woman!!! Get yourself onto Stately homes thread! I'm getting stressed reading how she treats you...and it doesn't help that some of it reminds me of my mother

Comment no 1 from my mother

"I feel I have something to live for now" in pathetic sad voice then indicates my bump. Excuse me? What about dad? Sister? ME??

"I expect to see gd AT LEAST 3 times a week" demandingly. She does not drive, but is 25 min journey away...so either her getting dumped at my house by my father or i get to do a nearly 1 hour round trip at least 3 times a week with a baby/toddler...I don't think...

You need to stop worrying about your mother's health and her feelings...and start worrying about yourself. YOU come first as you are ds's mother and you need to function adequately for him. I feel you need a reality check...everything is your mothers way...what about what YOU want? What is reasonable for her to ask? Do you have any idea or are you so emotionally tied in to keeping her well and happy that you don't consider your own needs? This cannot go on as it is...so who comes first? You and ds or your mother? To give you some perspective...would you have any expectations to be met as a grandmother? Or would you let your ds decide what he wanted to do? That is one way to work and separate what your standards/feelings are about a grandmother/grandchild relationship.

As for me...I have no contact with my mother, despite putting her first all my life and never daring to tell her how much her bullying hurt me (she could play the victim very well) I eventually cracked when I was 8 mth pg with my dd and broke off all contact...it was either my bump and me or my mother...bump (and me as well) had to come first. My mother needed to grow up and look after herself...something she still has not done...but I'm not her mother and her keeper...she needs to find her own way in life without bringing me down with her.

well, having read the rest, i tke it back YANBU

thanks so much everyone especially ally I'm sorry to hear of all you have been through. Sorry this thread has changed direction my heads all over the place with it all at the moment.

Your head should be in the Stately Homes thread... this won't sort itself...and you won't if you let your mother rule your life...ever heard of FOG, FEAR OBLIGATION GUILT...and you have a severe case of it...go on now...you can do this...your strong enough to have got through your childhood...you can do this too...start talking about it all...on here or start writing or typing all your feelings out, then you can start making sense of them. Read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward as a start point too.

And try reading that other thread again...it had lots of validating posts...don't just pick out the negatives. And post on the statelys thread...

Euweeeuwww how unhygenic

Eeeek

BM, I have just read that parenting thread you spoke about earlier, and it really does seem that you have some serious issues with your mother. On that thread you spoke about restricting contact with her for a while to try and regain some control. Have you managaed to do this?

Ally speaks a lot of sense above. I really, really hope you can resolve this. Your mother sounds unbearably controlling. Good luck.

Just wanted to pop back and say thanks to everyone who responded to this. It has been a quiet week on the mother front i am being ignored. I would normally take ds down on a thursday but had dh tke him on sunday when i was working so i could miss this week. It has not gone down well but franjly i am past caring.I just need some space from it all. I cant actually believe i started this thred about something so minor now it was just kinda the straw that broke the camels back type of thing.

Thanks again to all of you xx

What do you feel about people with colds blowing out the candles on their birthday cakes and then everyone getting to eat a little slice of their germs?

YABU

YABVU, would you rather he burnt his mouth with hot food

YANBU, if she has just smoked she is breathing all sorts of crap over his food. It would definitely wind me up.