to have kept an item I inadvertently 'stole' today?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I was doing supermarket sweep at Tesco's today, huge amount of food in trolley so I hung a maxi pack of Huggies nappies off the hook under the kids seat at the front of the trolley. I paid for all my shopping, then realised when I got to my car that I had walked out with the Huggies still hanging on the hook.

...and then drove off.

AIBU to have kept them?

Kew - me too. I find it rather depressing that honesty is the reviled option here!

When my DCs were very small (about 1 and 3), I forgot to pay for some fish in Sainsbos, and found it in the bottom of the trolley as we were unloading all the shopping into the car. I was horrified, but couldn't face dragging the DCs back into Sainsbos (I'd already got them in their seats), and didn't want to leave them in the car on their own - so I accosted a respectable-looking Mummy, explained what had happened, and gave her a fiver to take to customer services to pay for the fish (which was a bit less than that, but it's all I had). I felt that it was worth it for a clear conscience!

This does not refer to the OP, who didn't set out to deceive (although the effect of her actions is dishonest), but I would not like to live in the heads of those who swap labels/take the wrong change.

To return to the OP, the fact that it was Tesco is irrelevant. If people steal from shops (regardless of whether they "intend" to or not), shops simply put their prices up for everyone in order to cover the cost of theft/loss. Is this fair?

Kewcumber, I dont think OP was unreasonable in her behaviour.

I just think that by posting a AIBU message on here then its on her conscience, and no amount of trying to justify it to yourself with clear your conscience (am I spelling this wrong?!)

I think for the cost of a bag of nappies you could return them and enjoy feeling rather smug, or give the money to charity and also feel very good about yourself.

My one year old "stole" a rather nice necklace from Accessorize for me recently, but I did take it back into the store.
I also handed in about £3 that I found in swimming pool changing rooms recently (or rather made my boys do it as an example of honest behaviour).
In neither case, did the recipients really acknowledge the gesture, but it made me feel better about myself which is always nice.

My Dh left his coat with his wallet and credit cards in the pocket at our (nice [wink[) gym. He didnt realise for 24 hours but called and someone had handed it in. We wanted to thank them but they didnt leave any details.

Kewcumber and Dottoressa - I'm with you - I was quite shocked that people had a go at me personally for my views (on a different thread on the same subject).

To be honest, some of the comments both here, and to me (such as 'Oh get a life', and, aggressively, 'I eat grapes in tescos - would you report me??') feel like being bullied into silence.

I stopped posting on the other thread because I'm clinically depressed, lonely and a bit homesick (having moved the length of the country away from all my friends) and didn't need to be made to feel any worse by people here.

As I've said earlier on this thread, my son was caught shoplifting. When this happened, I was appalled, and the depth of my disappointment and anger was because of his dishonesty, not the value of the item or where it had come from. He'd only taken a packet of sweets - which some people would dismiss as too small to worry about - but I did worry, and I did act decisively to make sure he'll not do this again.

In fact, I think it was my shock and tears on first hearing the news that made the biggest impact on him. He doesn't want to make me feel that way again.

I guess I've now opened myself up to more attacks/bullying - so be it.

Tesco, in fact most stores realize that this sometimes happens, and that sometimes shoplifters make off with their stuff.

At the end of the day, they compensate for this by pushing prices up on groceries, so we all pay.

Somewhere there is a sad little accountant figuring out how much of the stock has not been paid for, and estimate where to put the prices up to compensate.

Same things with restaurants/pubs/bars/coffeeshops - they estimate how much of their glasses/china is broken/stolen or carried off the premises, and adjust prices accordingly.

Not theft - you have already paid for this an other peoples mistakes simply by shopping there.

So, at the end of the day, if you feel you have the upper hand by eating grapes in tesco or getting away with the odd bag of flour/nappies/carrots, you dont. The shop still has the upper hand.

The only time you would come out relatively in plus, would be if you were to walk into a chain of grocery stores you have never been to before, and either shoplift, or munch your way through their stock.

Chances are you would be prosecuted, then.

While we're at it... I don't think much of the in-store grape-munchers either!!

Sunny: you should be proud of yourself!

No, I dont particularly either.

It always amazes me how astonished people working the tills are if I point out they have given me too much change and I hand the correct amount back.

Sadly, dishonesty is almost accepted as norm, and shops needs to face up to this so as not to make a loss. They are running a business, not a free grape charity.

I find this thread baffling. It is stealing, plane as simple. Why does it matter that it's Tesco ? Is stealing now defined purely by the shop it happens in ? So, if it happens at the small local shop it's a crime, at a large multinational, permissable. Conditional crime - I love it !!
As you might have seen on the news, shoplifting is up 36% year on year, no doubt inflated by the credit crunch. It's so short sighted, as those losses will be reflected in price rises next year that none of us can afford.

Short sighted or not. You have just said it yourself, shplifting up by 36% probably due to credit crunch. Some people are struggling to feed their kids and maybe this is the only option they are left with.

Moog - the increase was in items that can be sold - cosmetics, jewellery and electrical items.

I agree with mousemole, it is baffling that people don't seem to understand that theft is theft regardless of the circumstances.
If you consider the legal definition of theft: 'a person is guilty of theft if he/she dishonestly appropriates property, belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it', it is quite obvious.
So ok, the OP did not intend at the time she left the store to 'dishonestly deprive Tescos of the nappies', however, at the point she did realise she had them and made the decision NOT to return and pay, she then committed theft. Please don't think I'm criticising you OP, I'm not, I'm just saying that you need to be careful. For all you know, you could have been seen and watched leaving and therefore you should really have returned them. Obviously you didn't but maybe people may think twice in future now? It would be so awful for what initially began as a simple mistake to lead to a criminal record. I know its only £6 we are talking about, but I've seen cases where people have been prosecuted for far less

right or wrong, I cannot imagine anyone who is shoplifting to feed the family because they have no other way to do so are thinking of prices increases next year.

I just remembered that last year we were staying at my mums and had been into town with Tom. When we got home, we found half a pack of mens socks in his buggy from Mackays (i'm guessing the other half was still hanging on the shelf). We took them back. I think they found it quite funny. The little sock stealer! I have to be very carefull with him, as he loves pulling things of hangers!

OP was unreasonable and tbh I'm not surprised that some peopel think she is BU and some think she isn;t. Thast the way it goes isn;t it? What does surprise me is that so many replies in the YANBU camp seem to think that anyone who says they wouldn't have taken the nappies is either lying or ridiculous.

I am really surprised by that.

"you could return them and enjoy feeling rather smug" - why on earth would you feel smug about returning something you haven't paid for?! I'm still hugely surprised that doing something I consdiered fairly ordinary is now considered something rather morally superior and smug.

In fact as I've said before I would go for the moral grey area (and have done it before) - if I realise I've got something in the trolley I haven't paid for I just leave it in the trolley for Tesco to pick up if they choose,. Its not the perfect response becuase I really ought to take it back (and I would if I were on my own) but with DS I probably wouldn't bother, would just leave for someone else to deal with. I however choose not to take it knowing I haven't paid for it.

Someone dropped a £10 note on the floor in front of me yesterday and I stopped them and
gave it back to them. Person I was with said I was mad because the other person hadnt even noticed. Think I'll stick to being smug if its all the same.

sorry "OP was unreasonable" should have read I think...

There is the argument that Tesco earn millions every year, but it is also stealing, whether it was on purpose or not, because the OP knew whilst she was still in the vicinity of the shop and could have returned the nappies.

A strap on my handbag broke once a few years ago when I was rushing across a busy road on New Years Eve. A few minutes later I discovered that my handbag was not on my shoulder. I was distraught, I went home and reported it and within half an hour the police rang me to say a young girl had found it during her saturday job lunch hour and taken it back to work and reported it. I was so relieved and when I went to collect it I gave her £10.00. The £10.00 had been a present to me from someone to get myself a Christmas present and was the only cash I had on me at the time, but I felt it was really worth rewarding this girl for her honesty. I will never forget this lovely teenage girl's honesty.

It is theft and it will be noted: the shop's stock management system will log how many packs are in stock v. how many paid for. Somebody, somewhere will have to pay, maybe the cashier will have it docked from their wages? Or Tescos will have to increase their prices to cover the cost? They are a sophisticated business and will find ways to recoup the money and keep their profit margins.

Take the nappies back on your next weekly shop and go to customer services and pay for them. I think they will understand that busy mums often take things without realising so they shouldn't give you a hard time.

And you are missing out on Clubcard points by not paying!

am I the only big wuss who wouldn't do it partly because I'd be worried about a tap on my shoulder as I loaded them into my car...

I would instantly lose my job if I had a criminal record - even a caution if it were theft related.

Not only smug but a big scaredy cat too.

I've just been to the vending machine in work. Put in 50p for bag of crisps (45p). Pressed 'change' button and £1.45 dropped out. Put in 50p for a Twix and a Twix AND a Twirl both dropped out. Pressed 'change' button and another 50p dropped out.
Do I report it to the vending machine company and post them the excess I got out plus the extra chocolate bar (or wait till machine vendy guy comes in) OR count my blessings that something nice has happened on an otherwise poo day?

I read this thread while i was at work last night and i honestly couldnt beleive it!! OP i dont blame yopu one bit. I would have done exactly the same.

Al this donating to charity to redeem yourself. My God. I think most people on here are telling fibs to be honest and they would do the same!

I tell you, in my lifetime i have only ever once, had something ive lost returned to me(left my bag on bus and schoolkid returned it). Most people will grab an opportunity if they dont know the person that they are 'stealing' from.

If i were the OP i wouldnt have even commented on here. I would have just been chuffed with my free bag of nappies

Kew - I am with you in the "smug" camp. Though why I should feel smug about my fish episode beats me.

Personally, I find it worrying that some children will be brought up to think it's ok to steal as long as it's from Tesco (or it's just a few grapes).

As for shoplifting because of the credit crunch: give me strength! My grandmother was poorer than poor, but would sooner have sold her soul than do anything dishonest when she was bringing up her four children, largely on her own. Living in poverty does not necessarily mean your moral standards are lax. If shoplifting is up 36 percent, it is as a result of woolly parents who have brought their children up to believe that shoplifting is a morally grey area, and that the likes of Tesco are asking for it. Grr.

2 things.

1, sunnygirl actually posted an emotional post there, I think she needs help and support, but you were all so high on your pedestals that you failed to notice it. So she was ignored. Very rude imo.

1. CUSTARDO YOU THIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carmen - I've just read your comment ("I think most people on here are telling fibs to be honest and they would do the same!")

Well. Strange as it may seem, I am not telling fibs, and I would not dream of doing the same. Fortunately (for the sake of the whole of society), I am not the only one.