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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 5 & 6 yo should not be left home alone, even for half an hour.

53 replies

mummy2henry · 09/11/2008 21:44

I was in the supermarket this morning with ds and bumped into my cousin. She has 2 dcs (age 5 & 6) but they weren't with her so i asked if they were at their dad's house today?
She replied no, I just left them at home watching the tv!
I was at this as leaving a 5 & 6 yo old home alone is absolutley crazy imo.
I just said oh right when she told me, and really had to bite my tongue.
AIBU to think that she was being completly irresponsible? Or would you leave your children in the house by themselves at this age?

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 10/11/2008 06:19

YANBU. Your friend is a nut.

DiscoDizzy · 10/11/2008 07:01

YANBU. DD1 is 5 and mature for her age but no way would I leave her alone, she'd get scared. I think once you've made the move to leave a child at home, the easier it is to do it, the more frequent it may become and the longer you leave them could increase.

coolma · 10/11/2008 09:22

I am clearly a bad mummy - I left my nine year old on his own for half an hour one day in half term when I took 3 year old to the library - I did worry myself silly but he really didn't want to come and was happily on ps2. I told the neighbours he was on his own and told him to go round if he was worried. Got back, and he was fine.

orangehead · 10/11/2008 09:27

yanbu. I'm are 5 and 6 and although good kids I would never leave them alone.
But it does sound like something I would say sarcy as well

LouMacca · 10/11/2008 09:36

YANBU.

coolma. You are not a bad mummy. 9 is clearly not 5 or 6. You also advised your neighbours who you obviously know and trust.

I have 5 year old twins (6 in Jan). There is no way I would leave them on their own at that age. As someone else pointed out leaving 2 children is worse in a way as at that age they egg each other on.

My friend left grandparents in charge of her two sons (5 and 7) for the day. The grandparents both fell asleep on the sofa until there was a knock on the door informing them the boys were playing with swords on the flat roof of the extension!! They had climbed out of the back bedroom window and a neighbour had spotted them - it doesn't bare thinking about.

debzmb62 · 10/11/2008 09:45

coolma its was,nt exactly leaving him home alone it your neighbour was clearly in the know he was in there suppose thats just like being in next room

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/11/2008 09:51

coolma - 9 is not the same as 5 and 6

unfort there is no law or legal age limit to leave children alone

there should be one - maybe the right age is about 10/11

as most children of that age make their own way to secondary school alone

DiscoDizzy · 10/11/2008 09:54

I agree, 9 is not the same as 5 or 6.

coolma · 10/11/2008 10:28

It's a difficult one isn't it - he is a bit scatty but I felt I'd rather leave him than drag him screaming to go somewhere he hates! But, yes I think 5 and 6 is too young.

ThingOne · 10/11/2008 10:31

YANBU.

I was very independent. I cried when left alone for about ten minutes when I was four and I think my mum was cross with my dad for leaving me, even though I could see where he had gone and it was a very safe place.

By nine I would have been fine but I had older siblings so rarely got the chance to exercise how sensible I would have been!

grumblingirl · 10/11/2008 10:38

5 and 6 is far too young to be left alone. If any kind of authority discovered she was doing this she would be accused of neglectful behaviour, even if there is no law to say you shouldn't leave them home alone there are laws to protect child safety. If there was a real emergency they wouldn't know what to do. DS1 is 5 and he has kittens if I leave him alone in the car to pay for petrol. Poor little things.

annh · 10/11/2008 10:38

That is far too young. I wouldn't leave one child of either of those ages home alone and in some odd way, I think leaving two is almost worse as I know my two would just egg each other on whereas left alone they would probably play on the Wii or watch TV. For what it's worth, we have just started leaving ds1(10) alone for short periods but I wouldn't leave ds2(7) with him, as I might come home to blood on the carpet! Anyway, only reason for leaving ds1 is e.g. so he can get on with homework or music while I drop ds2 to Beavers - there's not real reason for both of them to be left there.

onthewarpath · 10/11/2008 12:58

I do think it is a bit unreasonnable. Maybe nametaken is right. I once left my daughter with DH who was off for the day. On the way to school so many people asked me where she was I got ennoyed and answered "I sold her to buy more food" . God bless the poor old lady who actually believed me...
-first and formost omg no way ! secondly its actually against the law "_
I have heard that very often and the opposite too. Can anyone actually give me the references of this law.

onthewarpath · 10/11/2008 12:59

Just because it would be interesting to know, once and for all. Not because I want to live my children alone

BCNS · 10/11/2008 13:10

there is absolutley no way a 5/6 year olds would cope if anything went wrong.. they are still babies.

silly woman for leaving them.. even for just half an hour!

DD is 5.. she is also off school poorly.. I had to take the others into school today.. what did I do.. I took her with me.. in the car with a sick bowl and a towel!

flipping heck and I don't leave my nearly ( on wednesday) 10 year old alone either.. he is not mature enough yet.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/11/2008 13:48

onthewarpath

here you go

it is not illegal

look here

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/11/2008 13:49

duh - being the blonde i am forgot to add this one as well

and here

upnorth · 10/11/2008 16:57

according to another thread - most people there seemed to think it was ok to leave a very young baby alone in a car parked at quite a distance from a shop whilst the mother went in to do her shopping for 10 minutes. The general opinion was that the op was being paranoid about any possible danger (child being snatched etc because paedophiles don't wander around thinking I'd like to snatch this child) - is it wrong to leave 2 children alone in their own home so young but not to leave a baby in a car alone??

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/11/2008 18:02

i think as long as you can see the child in the car then its ok

ie paying for petrol

parking at bottom of school drive and getting older child if raining

Lotster · 10/11/2008 18:21

Ref the 5 year old at home, YANBU - I would not only worry what could happen whilst your out, but what the hell would happen if something happened to the adult.

And leaving a child in the car when paying for petrol or grabbing something from a shop, IMO that's ok as long as the car is locked and you have the car in your sight.

Boyswillbeboys · 10/11/2008 18:27

What Lotster said. The DCs might be sensible enough to stay at home alone, but what if the parent had a car accident etc?
I think 5 and 6 too young to be left alone, but 9 or 10 would probably be sensible enough surely? I had a key to the door at 7 and used to walk home by myself, let myself in and managed to stay alive every afternoon till my mum got in from work! (Having said that I wouldn't let my nearly 7 year old do the same!!)

ThingOne · 10/11/2008 19:43

Well upnorth, I didn't read all of the car threads but in general a small baby fastened in a car seat can do very little. A five and six year old roaming at home can do a great deal. Isn't that obvious?

upnorth · 11/11/2008 14:44

It's not what the baby in the car seat could do (aprt from get distressed) but the length of time that the baby was left alone and not whilst the mum popped to pay for petrol but into a shop for 10 minutes. It's a recent thing so there's no concern about the weather but there are so many crap driver's out there (me being one) who have in the past hit a stationery car whilst trying to park - this could easily have happened to this car. Lots of things can go wrong leaving children home alone and I am in no way saying that's ok because it depends on the age of the children and maturity and to me 5 and 6 is too young but I do feel MORE could go wrong when a child is left alone in public.

kiddiz · 11/11/2008 15:26

I once parked next to a car in a supermarket car park and alone in the back was a baby of about 18mnths fastened in to a car seat and a child of about 5. It was summer and the car was not in the shadeand had no windows open. TBH at first when I arrived I just assumed the parent must have just popped in for something and would be back soon and, although it wasn't something I would do, I didn't really think too much of it. When I returned about 45mins later and they were still there I did go and report it to the staff at the supermarket. By this time the child was looking very hot and bothered and had taken off his top and the baby was grizzling. I didn't wait to see what happened but I think this is far too long to leave such young children in a car on a hot day. If it was a dog the RSPCA would prosecute them.

Amani · 11/11/2008 15:31

Would never do that

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