to wish I could see my sister without her boyfriend?

[beansmum]

My sister has a lovely boyfriend. They are pretty serious and will probably get married eventually. When she comes to visit me he comes too. When I go to visit her he is there. I would really like to have some time alone with my sister before I move to NZ at the end of Jan. Not for any particular reason, I'd just like a chance to have a girly chat and be silly and it's not possible with her bf around.

Would I be completely unreasonable to invite her to visit and make it clear that the invitation doesn't extend to her bf? How would I even do that without being rude? Or should I just give up and accept that this is what couples are like and they come as a package from now on?

YANBU. Tell her just that, that you'd like some time, just you and her, even if its only for an hour, before you move.

She might say no, but at least you asked!

I think it would be a bit rude to specify 'no boyfriend' TBH. Could you word it differently? Something like 'I'd love to catch up and spend some time with you doing sisterly stuff on such and such a day'? or 'how about you and me going out together, just the two of us, to catch up properly before I go' ?

Why not say exactly that. "I love you both, but I really would love some one to one sister time before I go, just a lovely girly chat, there's no reason - I just want some time with you, I am going to miss you SO much..."

I can't think of anyone who would respond badly to that!

Arrange to do something 'girlie' together.

Could you afford to go to a spa or even just get your nails done and have lunch?

Stipulate that it is just a 'girl's- only event'.

Have you got a dp who could ocupy your sis' boyfriend or could he babysit?

It wouldn't be too rude then? I'll ask her to visit for a weekend, she's near London and I'm in Edinburgh so it has to be an overnight visit really. I don't have a dp and I have no money so if my sis brings her bf we will all be stuck in the house together. I'll have to try and get her to come without him.

Just got a message from her on facebook, she's not coming for New Year with me and all our cousins. So that's one more week we wont be able to get together, I hope we don't run out of time! I know she's definitely meeting me for lunch at Heathrow when we fly out though, so I'll see her at least once before I go.

I guess this is the way things go when people get serious with their partners. I'm sure she'll understand if you let her know how much you are going to miss her when you go. Is it a pemanent relocation? Perhaps you are just anxious about the changes you are making? I am very close to my sister and can imagine how hard it might be to move so far away and I am sure if I was my sister she would want to make sure she spent some quality time withe before I went.

Presumably she is planning on spending New Year with her boyfriend and that is understandable. Maybe you could meet up just after? Make it an occassion and let her know how much you are going to miss her. Hope it works out

If it was my sister moving I would definitely want to see her as much as possible before she went. It's sad that she doesn't feel the same way about me but I suppose that's what it's like when you have a boyfriend. As my mum said when I was complaining about it and feeling sorry for myself, this bf might be her family one day so he is just as important as me. Part of me thinks, he's not your family yet and you might never ever see me again, but I know I'm being unreasonable. I'll get over it!

Just tell her you want to have a girls only day. You can always get together with her for a bit first, and then all get together later for dinner or something.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but you need to be careful in case she's in the 'why dont' you love my boyfriend as much as I do' stage. If she says anything, tell her you thing her bf is fab, but the main reason you love him is because he loves her, and how could you not love someone who loves your precious sister??!! That should calm her down if she gets a bit uptight over it.

You don't need to specify that you don't want to see him. I would say something along the lines of "do you fancy a girly day, see a film, have some lunch just us two?" You don't need to say that he isn't invited.

YANBU, by the way.

The distance is a bit of a problem, I don't think she likes being separated from him overnight. I could visit her but then it's even more difficult to arrange for her bf to not be there. I'm not sure why I care so much anyway, maybe I'm jealous.

How about meet in York for the day if she doesn't want to be apart from him overnight. Pretty much midway between you both on the east coast mainline.

YANBU by the way but agree with others that if you pitch it as wanting some special time with her rather than excluding him I would be gobsmacked if she thought you were unreasonable

I think you need to ask her outright for some girly-sisterly time together, and keep (nicely and gently) on about it till you get some. Because it is just possible that Lovely Boyfriend isn't lovely at all but an insane control freak who won't let her out of his sight And if that is the situation the sooner you know about it the better.