to want to stay in with newborn

[benandoli]

I have three children, two boys 3 and 6 and a newborn who will be three weeks on Sunday. DH is taking the boys o a bonfire tonight and really wants me to go too saying it is important for the boys that I go. He suggests leaving our little girl with MIL and I know she will be fine. He isnt pressuring me at all and just wants us to spend some family time with the boys. I really want to stay at home with the newborn (havent left her with anyone yet). Is this unreasonable of me and is it unfair to the boys?

It's not unreasonable but it might be nice for the boys.

YANBU in any way at all. You've just given birth and you and baby need to be together. You stay home and stuff what anyone else says.

Surely if you only gave birth 3 weeks ago it will be pretty painful to stand up for any length of time. The boys know you love them - this is a good chance for some father/son bonding!

It's going to pee down anyway so stay in and don't feel guilty.

Congratulations on the new baby

Do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't want to leave your DD then don't - the boys will likely have great "boy" time with their dad, who will probably let them stay out a little later than usual and eat hotdogs etc etc . If it's presented to the boys as a "boys night" they won't feel like they're missing out per se (hopefully)

If you went you would only be fretting and wanting to get back asap

The boys won't miss out cos they're still going.

Another thought - could it be partly that is MIL itching to get her hands on new DGD? ? (hope I am not doing her a disservice, she may not have been asked by your DH yet even)

YANBU but dads rarely "get" this stuff. Could you face wrapping her up, putting her in a sling and taking her with you?

YANBU I hate leaving my two and they are 2 and 7 months!! MAyb wrap baby up super warm and all go but not stay for the whole time?

Not unreasonable at all but maybe DH wants to "show off" his new family. Could DD be wrapped up very warm, I wouldnt want to leave her babysat yet.

YANBU - I didn't go to FIL's retirement party when DS3 when about 3 weeks old. I didn't feel up to it (3rd c-section). DH went with DS1 & DS2. No problems - DSs didn't care TBH

Think the idea of a boys night out sounds good. Stay home in the warm with the little one.

Well, it would be perfectly do-able to wrap her up in a sling and go along...... IF you wanted to. Which you don't. And having just given birth trumps all else in my book, so your call. Plenty of other times to do family stuff, that doesn't involve standing outside in the cold, wet and dark, watching fireworks.

3 weeks?!
Stay in. For your own sake - the baby would be fine, but jeez, you've just given birth.

I'd stay in with the baby. Don't want to be personal and TMI etc, but you're probably still bleeding - even if you had a totally straightforward birth, you have the wound where the placenta came away to heal up. There's no way I would take a newborn to an event like this - I was going to go (am now ill, so can't) to one and was going to go with DH and DS and leave DD (7 months) with my mum.

YANBU
Stay in with your baby and have some rest.
It will be a perfect opportunity for your boys to have some baby free time.

Are you sure this is not because he wonders how he will cope with the two boys on his own??? Maybe MIL could go with him if he feels he needs an extra pair of hands.

YANBU - enjoy the time with your new baby - the boys will like having daddy to themselves.

It is very good for little boys to have some time with just daddy. It is also very good for daddies to take responsibility and take their 2 little boys out, so that dw can have some REST having recently given birth to their 3rd child.

You can bet your life that if dh had given birth, he would not get out of bed for at least 6 weeks.

Sorry - tongue in cheek comment there, but I have 3 children, and I really don't think I would have been up to taking the dss to a bonfire party 3 weeks after having dd. Of course I went out and about during the day etc, but I don't think a bonfire night is appropriate for a newish baby.

I totally understand. I gave birth 2 weeks ago. 9cm within an hour , pushing then GA. Emcs CS. Dh wants ds1(4.8) and ds2( 2 weeks) to go to fireworks party on sun night. I am not sure. Dh is not suggesting, as yours is, that I leave ds2, but I do understand.
Go. Or stat. But neither is YABU.

I am pretty sure the boys will understand that you feel their 3 weeks old sibling is to young to either come to bonefire night with you or be left with someone else, even if it is a family member you like very much.

take care of you lady! sweet that DH wants to have family time but i am sure he will understand if you explain you are just not ready. fireworks are loud, it is cold and you have to take care of you and little one. better to let the boys have their fun than having to drag them away from the display early if you feel wobbly!

And if MIL is keen to be involved, she could either go to the fireworks to help DH, or come round to yours for a cuddle with DD.
Unless you'd rather be alone. But even so, you could slope off upstairs for a bath while she holds fort.