Not to want another child???

[motherunearthed]

Ds has recently turned 2 and i am sick of people asking me when i'm gonna have another!! What's worse is peoples reaction when i say i don't want anymore - you can't just have 1!!! why not??? I just seem to be getting this from everyone - not just family but friends too. Am I my, ds and dh really going to miss out if were just a family of 3 rather than 4? ?

My DD is 7 months and I keep getting asked that as well FFS let me get over having this one!!!!!!

I don't know the answer motherunearthed, but I feel exactly the same. My DS is the same age as yours and I am finding it hard to deal with the questions. I feel complete with DS and I hate the thought of going through it again. So we're sticking at one.

When I was ttc I felt so left out and I was desperate for just one child - I never thought beyond that. I'm now amazed to find that if anything I'm more of an outsider by having ONLY one child. It sucks.

Just do what I did. Say in a very serious, sober voice that you'd really rather not talk about it.

People will make their own assumptions and will not bother you ever again!

YANBU. Its your business, not theirs. Sometimes I think that people say these things just for something to say. Like asking "is it your first?" when you're pregnant.

They should really just stick to the weather and the other person's health.

it is bizarre innit. Like once you have had one, you are expected to produce a tribe. I think DS was 3mo when the first person asked when I was going for the next one .

At the mo, I am quite happy with just the one but then he is only 11mo, and I know DH wants another - I just worry that a second DC won't get the same attention as the first, and I'll be bloody knackered. Plus I worry about my age - got away with it the first time, but still higher risk of things not being right.

I waited 7 years before having dc number 2. People used to ask me this all the time. Would either tell them I was still in shock from the trauma of the birth and then go into gory details, or smile and ask them something really personal.

Nobodys business and think a lot of people say it as they can't think of anything else to say.

People ask when I'm going to have another - I say when hell freezes over.

People tell me I shouldn't have just one and give a list of 'reasons' - I just say Watch me.

But then DS is 4 so I've toughened up to it.

LaundryFairy what a great tactic.

Twinklemegan, yes we are very happy the 3 of us, just never expected to be considered a bit strange for only having 1 child.

YANBU - if you prefer not to discuss it, imply that there is an ISHOO and watch them shut up !

Do you experienced ones not feel like people think you're a crap unmotherly mother? It seems like we're all supposed to joyously give over our bodies to one baby after another and bugger the consequences for us.

I feel very strongly that there was a good reason why I struggled to conceive. I'm convinced my body and mind are just not cut out for childbearing. I love being a mum but I detested the whole physical process from start to finish. I think my talents lie in areas other than having babies.

What does your DH think?

This only happened to me once, really. DD was 5 weeks old and I was at a family funeral. A relative - herself an only child - urged DH and I not to just have one child. Little did she know how hard it had been for us to have her at all (IVF) and how unlikely we'd even be able to have another. We later decided not to have another attempt - too many reasons to list. The only time it's come up since has been in the context of a conversation with other mums all talking about having more or not - no pressure, iykwim.

No, I think that some people just don't think before they speak. Because many families come with 2 children they think that all should come in that size.

My aunt who is a stranger to tact, or the notion that anything is just not her damn business asked my cousin immediately after their first was born when they were having another. And then (some years later)when they announced that No3 was on the way she asked if they weren't using contraception!

They just can't help themselves.

I'm hoping somewhat nervously to be the mother of two soon and feel lucky that the possibility seems to be there. But I think people are being totally unreasonable to try and tell you what you should do. I think women should have the choice to have one/several/no children if that's what they want.

DH doesn't really want anymore, but he gets the questions too from work colleagues as well as family. I just don't see why people are so hung up about an only child, it's as if we will be subjecting DS to some sort of suffering. DH and I have siblings and have only that experience to reflect on, so when people are constantly saying don't have an only child you do start to think maybe there's something in it. I agree it's nobody elses business and having another child not to have an only child is no reason to have another. We don't want another child for lots of reasons and we have thought about this fully.

No YANBU at all. I always think that asking a very personal question back is the best way to deal with nosy bastards.
Mind you, I would have liked another child, I think, and DS would make a lovely big brother (he adores babies and is a gentle soul) but it isn;t going to happen.